Cinteractive Cutscenes

Why developers thought they would rock:
Play from Point A to Point B, place the controller on the floor for a cutscene, and then proceed. Boring, right? Developers redesigned cinematics for increased immersion, requiring you to tap a button when an oversized on-screen indicator flashes across your screen. For anyone who’s played God of War or Resident Evil 4, you’ll remember having to drop your sandwich just in time to successfully stab a ginormous boss or outrun a pursuing boulder. Failure could mean instant death or having to repeat the sequence.

Why they suck:
“Playing a cutscene” was an interesting and involving concept just a few years ago, but has since grown stale and has spread like cancer to games like Heavenly Sword, Spider-Man 3 and Manhunt 2. Whether it’s an interactive or non-interactive cinematic, these games highlight the fact that you’re still not in control of all the coolest moments.

You’re not dangerously hopping from rail to rail, you’re not actually stabbing that sadist in the throat, and you’re definitely not shoving the Sandman’s face into a subway train. As it stands, the developer has already crafted the moment and is just waiting for you to input commands like the videogame equivalent of Simon. Don’t even think about blinking ‘cause you’ll probably fail the sequence. And even after succeeding you still feel unsatisfied, even if the game rewards you for striking buttons like a trained chimp.

Morphable polygons

Why the developers thought they would rock:
Having the ability to stretch and morph polygons opens up a realm of possibilities that go beyond stretching Mario’s face on the title screen of Mario 64. As delightful as that was, where else could you go from pulling on an Italian’s face?

Why they suck:
If there was ever a concept that grew and died within one game, it would be this one. The chief offender here being Stretch Panic, a game ridiculously designed around grabbing and stretching an enemy so the resulting snap-back would do damage. On the surface, the game mechanic doesn’t seem so bad; you did get to stretch incredibly large breasts to comedic effect - but what’s the point if the surrounding game is so awful?

With such an interesting and fresh idea, we praise the developer for being ballsy enough to take this concept forward, yet are disheartened by the abysmal content that pads the rest of the title. We’re still waiting for a proper taffy-pull breast game.