Artificial pets/people

Why developers thought it would rock:
If traditional simulations such as SimCity or Microsoft Flight Simulator let you experience the thrill and challenge of something you wouldn’t normally accomplish (i.e. running a city or flying a plane) then surely you’ll want to play fetch with a fake collie and tell artificial humans when to take a piss, right?

Why it sucks:
Games like The Sims or Nintendogs - while nut-bustingly popular - actually prey on how delusional you become. Caring for other people and pets is more like a digital tea party; you have all the means to do so in real life, but prefer your own mental creation.

After the initial wonder wears off, you realize you’re endlessly playing God for fake creatures. Which brings us to the inevitable question: Why the hell aren’t you doing this in real life? Where’s your Golden Retriever, your family, your new job? When you think about it, this is the worst sort of videogame escapism; compensating for something so normal, you could actually be doing it. This is probably the only case where we’d favor getting your ass outside over playing a game.

Lens flare

Why the developer thought it rocked:
The aim of every game artist circa 1999 was the ability to simulate a lens flare which happens when a bright-ass light source reflects off a camera lens, creating off-color rings and starbursts. That’s pretty awesome when you’re trying to simulate how realistic your game is…

Why it sucks:
…except that it’s a completely useless feature that does nothing but reaffirm that games aren’t photorealistic and you aren’t playing a movie. Lens flare was awesome the first time we saw it crop up. Soon, we couldn’t get away from the damn things. Every game started adding them to “increase” realism.

We do appreciate the irony that technology is being used to "realistically" duplicate something that we'd never see in real life because it only happens when you view the sun through a camera lens. The lens flare does absolutely nothing to gameplay, except when it actually obscures our ability to see what the hell is happening. There’s nothing like playing through a mediocre game with crap controls and stuttering animations only to come upon a glorious sunset with sunbeams streaking across your TV. Thanks for sinking cash into something that matters, developers.