I got a good laugh

I like the Dizzy reference ;)

Buccaneer comes out on Valve today
http://littlurl.com/96asp

Haha, "frog dies in water"
- If you get bitten by a vampire, you can't possibly become one unless you go to sleep, which is completely optional.
-You can practically dry hump someone as long as you are crouched, however, if you stand up for even a second, everyone within 1000 feet will know you are there
-It is perfectly ok to loot, rob, kill, run over people, beat people, and in general, cause mayhem, as long as the cops dont see you, and you dont do too much of it at once.
-It is a great idea to pick up random syringes off of vending machines and inject yourself to find out what happens.
-If you are escorting someone to safety, no matter how dire the situation, they will never walk faster than a slow crawl. Inevitably, there WILL be random enemies coming from nowhere to attack your charge, ignoring you completely, despite the fact that you are murdering the attackers.
-Everything comes in 3-4 difficulties.
-If you are driving down the road, every person who even remotely thinks you might hit them, will attempt to jump out of the way, but will instead ALWAYS jump toward the car.
-If you need money, or food, just go and kill random homeless people. If you need love, go get it on with a hooker, and afterwards, beat her to death to get your money back, all with absolutely no consequences.
-It is possible to climb straight up a 700 foot tall tower, then jump down to safety as long as you land in hay.
-If you die, you will respawn in a hospital with all the weapons you had, as well as all the ammunition. If you get arrested (whether it is for punching someone in the face or killing several hundred people) you will be let out of jail with none of your weapons, but no restrictions on buying weapons.
-Jumping on top of cars scares people into driving really fast, and pisses cops off.
-If you are trying to protect someone, they will never get more than 2 feet away, unless you tell them to take cover, and then they will take cover... right next to an enemy.
-Anything can be made with blue crystals, green gas, and psi as well.
-There are an infinate amount of Nazis to fight, even after you hit that 250,000 kill mark.

bosses always have a 3 move attack strategy which when performed leaves them vunerable to counter attack for prolonged periods of time... so they do it slightly faster.

when killed, bosses usually drop a weapon or ability that is the following bosses only weakness.

your allies are invincible but despite this, send you to do all the hard stuff whilst they contemplate killing the occasional enemy.

run just out of reach of the police for long enough and they'll completely forget why they were chasing you.

despite usually being naked, all species of alien have no reproductive organs.

t-bagging is the most effective way to hurt someone emotionally.

You forgot "If you've been mortally wounded, bleeding out, and dying on the ground. All it takes is some positive re-inforcement from a buddy to revive you."

Oh man i laughed so hard tears streamed down my face. 37 was one of my favorites. The explosive barrels placed conspicuously near enemy troops was just as hilarious.

one they need to add;

"you can find magical potions and money by cutting grass and breaking rocks."

"55. Wearing a pair of white gloves to work every day may seem an unwise choice if your chosen career is plumbing, but, in reality, you will never have to dirty your pristine mitts by fishing a swollen, fetid tampon from a shit-clogged outflow pipe." - Priceless. Totally priceless.

Noone locks his car.EVER!Less cops will chase you if you run into a * sign

Noone locks his car.EVER!Less cops will chase you if you run into a * sign

You become anything u want simply by stepping in the right vehicle and pressing the "2" key.
You can find sniper rifles or missile launchers on rooftops and if you punch someone two things may happen.1:if he has a gun he attacks you.2:if he doesn't have a gun he starts running.Destroyed vehicles re-appear where you found them usually after a minute or two but in the battlefield it takes them 20 seconds!

Hilarious article, once again I'm reminded of why I come back to this site.

also CoD_22 has a good point, lol!!!

O lads. #4 made me laugh

you can pick up live claymores and mines by crawling over them

Any item you pick up will go into your invisible backpack

If you murder someone, you can hide from the guards on a hay stack. Guards never check, and, after a few seconds, will forget what you look like.

You if you are creating a city, you can only have 250 people in it at once, but that's ok, because if one dies, a new person magically appears. You can also destroy you're own buildings and people without any negative side effects.

Wars are never constant, and only take place in short, 10-20 minute bursts. If you are having trouble, you can always quit the mission, or restart it. You can also change how hard it is to win the war, something that most generals don't understand.

Most wars only have 12 people in them, are done for fun, and have lots of annoying 8 year-olds.

Music will always play out of nowhere, and is always classical.

shooting a door will not open it. Neither will hitting a wall with an RPG, unless your on Mars

electric Guitars Have colored buttons on them, and never go above the first five frets. Any note can be played with a combination of these buttons.

You never start out with a good gun, even if you are on an important mission.

You are always the smartest and most capable person on you're team, even if everyone out ranks you. Despite this, you never advance in rank.

There are only 4 jobs civilians need to do in order to build an empire: Lumberjacks, gold miners, and hunters

If you're trying to make someone like you more, you have to coerce them, flatter them, brag to them, and make a joke, even though they will always hate half of them.

NO GIRLS?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!