We watched a lot of trailers at this year's E3. Most made us want to poke our eyes out with whatever pointy cliché you can imagine. Thankfully, there were also a fair few humdingers. All of which we've handily catergorised in one place below. Just do us a favour and resist the urge to whoop and holler like you were actually in one of those infuriating E3 crowds.
After coming out of Microsoft’s Kinect-intensive conference, we felt like we’d just performed a partial frontal lobotomy on ourselves. The only thing preventing it from being the full brutal procedure? A couple of incredible minutes of Metal Gear, which delighted the crowd thanks to Raiden’s watermelon-mincing katana skills.
Just when we thought we'd had our fill of glorified alien Ewoks and guns full of magic pink needles, the Reach trailer comes along and rekindles our passion for all things Halo. Now, all they have to do is replace that God awful soundtrack and we're all set to save the galaxy once more this September.
No! Not the crotch! Not the crotch! Seriously, that circular saw/hat to groin move is just ridiculous. Our upchucked lunches aside, this reboot of the bloody fighting franchise has the little gorehound in us rolling over waiting for its stomach to be tickled. On a side note, does anyone else want to cover their crotch in reinforced titanium?
We didn't think anything could top man mountain Gabe Newell eating Sony-baked humble pie. We were wrong. Portal 2 looks set to expand on the ingenious original in every way possible. The cherry on top of this delicious, deceptive cake? GLaDOS' brilliant sardonic sign-off. "I think we can put our differences aside… for science… you monster". Oh you beautiful artificial bitch, how we've missed you. Although would it have killed Valve to throw in a bit of Companion Cube action?
Retro Studios had us the second the first glorious beat of that classic DKC theme kicked in. A brilliantly retro throwback to everything that made us fall for the big ape back in 1994, Returns' trailer targets our nostalgia glands with laser-targeted precision. Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to listen to some DKC tunes on Youtube. Eh... we mean work on serious jarnalist... stuff.
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