E3 09: Trailers - The best, the worst and the bizarre


Ubisoft Tween Games 2.0 
We’re not hating on the tween market - god, even saying “tween” makes us feel like pedophiles - in fact, it’s great Ubisoft is targeting what they think is an untapped demographic. What we hate is that this cutesy trailer promises Ubisoft will continue to shit out nigh-unplayable games that are pandering to young women. And who is this trailer designed for? Ubisoft’s not going to play this “sizzle reel” on MTV. So why was it made? Consumers? Journalists? Shareholders?


Borderlands - PC
We’re pretty confident Borderlands is going to be a game to watch for, but this latest trailer only hints at its possible greatness. 30 seconds of “sure, okay.”


Gran Turismo 5 - PS3
Sure, it looks good but besides that Nascar reveal and the hint of car damage, the trailer looked incredibly realistic. All the video was missing was a soul. Shouldn’t the game appear fun at least?


Crysis 2 – PC, PS3, 360
YES! Crysis 2! Multiplatform! Let’s see what it looks like on a console! Wait, where’s the gameplay? Oh, hey, a logo. This trailer sucks.


Halo Reach - 360
When Halo 3: ODST hits shelves, it will include a pass to the multiplayer beta of Halo Reach. What’s Halo Reach? Unfortunately, this trailer won’t tell you. Or get you excited. But at least you get a carefully planned marketing hype machine.


Dragon Age: Origins – PC
Did McG just direct a Lord of the Rings movie? Blood, sex, Marilyn Manson, dragons. Yup, BioWare just made another trailer that will look nothing like the game. So is everybody ready for the new shit?

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  • Jputz69 - June 15, 2009 4:42 a.m.

    LOL at the No More Heroes 2 trailer
  • 98tyger - June 10, 2009 6:40 p.m.

  • crumbdunky - June 9, 2009 3:10 a.m.

    The GT5 trailer was easily the most impressive looking thing at E3 and you fools moan about it? No soul? The care and craft in that trailer shows more soul than anything else you'll see this year-but it's a PS3 game and GR can't just give credit, can it? Grow up. I suppose you'd prefer it if PD acted all arrogant like the to55pot from T10 seems intent on doing? They give you something that fools non gamers into thinking they're WATCHING CAR RACING and you complain. Classic.
  • Xeacons - June 8, 2009 3:50 p.m.

    Great tastes guys! My wishlist is growing longer and longer! I can't take all these great games! I need my shovelware (sarcasm)?
  • mariokartyE32010 - June 8, 2009 4:12 a.m.

    i think that there should not be any exclusives. i would like to play final fantasy too! ps3's cost too much
  • NEzraF - June 7, 2009 10:31 p.m.

    I have submitted this to digg. ReCaptcha: desist that. Hella ironic
  • purple_omlet - June 6, 2009 4 p.m.

    the Castlevania trailer looks like God of War mixed with Shadow of the Collosus. impressive, even if it doesn't look that original.
  • Sabtos - June 6, 2009 1:27 p.m.

    These God of War imitation attempts are starting to get on my nerves. At least DMC, Ninja Gaiden, and the coming Bayonetta don't stoop that low. Castlevania and Dante's Inferno--why are so many people giving these games little criticism? It's like they're being barred from saying "hey, that's a blatant copy" because they're developed/published by large respected companies. Yeah, Castlevania finally found something to do with a whip besides back and forward, but at least admit it's ripped directly from GoW's innovation.
  • P3N15 - June 6, 2009 2:51 a.m.

    PS360Rulez was basically right. cept we probaly wont see the "origin" of Masterchief mostly because the part in the novel about the origin dosent really have a lot of action training and obstacle courses dont make a good shooter. cutscenes are out of the question since it would take too long. btw the spartans arent emotionless, it may seem like it in the game, but in the novels (Halo: Flood being a prime example) masterchief gets mad, sad even afraid.
  • P3N15 - June 6, 2009 2:46 a.m.

    What's Halo:Reach? its the direct sequel to Halo :Combat Evolved. ever wonder why the Pillar of Autumn was running from the covenant in the very beginning of halo 1? they entered a random slipspace in order to escape Reach after the covenant had started to glass it. Reach was THE best defensive planet/location of the UNSC, and nobody thought it would be destroyed. All the spartans (save John 117 and Linda) were deployed to defend Reach, and all died except a few. After the first halo was Operation First Strike, the first ever strike on a covenant cruiser (as the name suggests), and after this came other events that seperated John/Masterchief from the rest of the spartans. So basically Halo: Reach is the prequel to Halo:Combat evolved, but Masterchief will probably be left out of it due to the fact that he was in space during the attack on Reach (what he believed to be the hardest mission) but yeah the trailer sucks
  • Oxfordcomma4 - June 6, 2009 12:30 a.m.

    I'm so revved up for some of these... AAAARGH!!!
  • NadaNuff - June 5, 2009 10:08 p.m.

    I agree that Metroid looks good, but how is it that you don't consider it a sequel? Sure, it isn't Prime 4, but it's still a follow up to an established Nintendo character. Also, although it wasn't a GREAT game, Castlevania: Lament of Innocence was pretty fun.
  • MechGyver - June 5, 2009 9:59 p.m.
  • MechGyver - June 5, 2009 9:58 p.m.

    "(Marioninja)" F*cking hurts!Jesus, that "(Apollomasque) "Milo kid" ( CH3BURASHKA) "isn't afraid to push social borders " You said it yourselfs!!!
  • CH3BURASHKA - June 5, 2009 9:50 p.m.

    You guys are fucking crazy. Heavy Rain was a great trailer - finally, an intriguing story-based game that isn't afraid to push social borders (besides violence). And the Milo demo blew my head out my ass. It's only a tech demo, but FUCK was it a great tech demo.
  • Apollomasque - June 5, 2009 9:47 p.m.

    Jesus, that Milo kid's a mother fucking AI! Just watch, he's gonna start questioning his exsistence and then lead the machines in rebellion. Our only hope is to join them. Cast away your biological forms and embrace bodies of metal and plastic! Also, NMH:DS looks awesome. As does the new Metroid game and Conviction.
  • Marioninja1 - June 5, 2009 9:06 p.m.

    I want Brutal Legend so much it F*cking hurts!
  • marshymon90 - June 5, 2009 2:53 p.m.

    they missed the new forza trailer, that looks absolutely incredible
  • HMXsean - June 5, 2009 12:52 p.m.

    No More Heroes 2 is going to rock. Love luchadors.
  • MechGyver - June 5, 2009 9:25 a.m.

    Douhuhuh!! Hello ladies!!