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Dec 10, 2007

Hannah Montana: Music Jam

DS Review

Dec 10, 2007 Were not supposed to be nodding our heads and tapping our feet whilst a cartridge of Hannah Montana: Music Jam is nestled in our DS. At the same time that were strumming guitars, playing slap bass, blasting out drum beats and wailing through blues solos; the vacant, dead-doll-eyes of Hannah Montana watch us from the game boxs cover, and her gleaming white-toothed open-mouthed smile appears to be emitting derisive laughter at our ...
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Jul 9, 2007

Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

DS Review

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for the DS is one of those games where you have to ask yourself how the developers sleep at night. This half-assed adventure/puzzle game isnt even mildly entertaining and it certainly doesnt do the Harry Potter franchise any favors with its buggy game play and shoddy design. Potter fans and DS devotees alike should steer clear or risk the burning desire to tear their eyes out after playing even five minutes of Order of the Phoenix. Game play is ...
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Sep 15, 2006

Harvest Moon DS

DS Review

Some little boys want to reach the stars; others want to become stars themselves. Then there's the small section of the child populace who want nothing more than to farm. Yes, farm. Harvest Moon has been allowing these odd chaps to live out their dreams - in video game form - for nigh on 10 years. Instead of making its debut on Nintendo's plucky handheld an innovative, clever enhancement, it's just another doling of the daily chores. The familiar orphaned boy on a familiar dilapidated family ...
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Mar 12, 2007

Harvest Moon: On an Island With You [import]

DS Review

Lets get this straight. Weve been shipwrecked, were forced to run the only farm on the island - and were the only ones visibly purchasing anything from anyone, which means that were single-handedly maintaining this islands economy? Thats a lot of pressure. Then, to rub sea salt into the wounds, other people gradually arrive and move onto the island out of choice, and at no point does anyone say “Hey, where were you headed before the shipwreck? Perhaps I can give you a ride?” Oh no - ...
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Aug 10, 2007

Heroes of Mana

DS Review

Once one of the premiere franchises in role-playing games, the Mana series has struggled to keep with the times. Its glorious 16-bit days have been followed up by a number of games ranging from mediocre to poor. A bold change was definitely required for Mana, and that's exactly what we have here in Heroes of Mana. The action-RPG gameplay the series was known for has been replaced by real-time strategy. Sadly, this exciting new direction is marred by numerous gameplay ...
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May 8, 2008

High School Musical 2: Work This Out!

DS Review

DS - High School Musical 2: Work This Out! - High School Musical: Work This Out!

Even the most mundane task is a treat when you’ve got a swing in your step and a beat in your ear. That’s the lesson those East High Wildcats try to teach us during their summer break, as they pick up golf balls or perpetually create sandwiches to the beat of the drum in the traditional student summer scramble for pennies.

The Ouendan-light rhythm-action mechanics of the original game are still in evidence, but ...

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Mar 13, 2007

Hiite Utaeru DS Guitar M-06 [import]

DS Review

For those of us cursed with inflexible, fat digits and the rhythm of an incontinent dancer, its frustrating to see the effortless ability of guitarists slouched on park benches strumming out heartfelt melodies with the lightest of touches. Instead were banished to a world of violins/trumpets/ocarinas, none of which get you much cred when whipped out at a party. With DS Guitar M-06 this all ...
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Mar 12, 2008

Homie Rollerz

DS Review

Ahh, we had such high hopes for Homie Rollerz, the latest toyline to birth a thoughtless kart racer. Kidding, but damn! This is one massive pile of section-eight shit. Failure to innovate - that we expected. Every track item in this hood is blatantly ripped off from the original Mario Kart, and we’re talking the SNES one. But let’s move past that for a second... Homie Rollerz is effing broken.At first we thought we may’ve been ...
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Mar 26, 2007

Honeycomb Beat

DS Review

Not since your first kiss have you felt a greater sense of accomplishment then in Honeycomb Beat, the latest mind-bending puzzler to hit your DS. This game was designed to be a tough bastard and reward you for slogging your way through with small, yet charming achievements. Heres how ya do it: imagine a colored hexagonal-shaped panel. Tap that panel with the stylus - an act called “beating” (well pause for any masturbation jokes) - and it flips, changing the color to white. Now ...
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Jun 26, 2007

Hoshigami Remix

DS Review

Generally, a good game remake shouldnt stray too far from its source material, keeping its fundamental gameplay elements intact while adding and improving upon the original formula. But every rule has an exception, and Hoshigami Remix, a remake of a mostly-ignored PSone strategy RPG game, is proof positive of ...
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