DS Features

Every character in the history of games is a simpering moron. That's the only explanation we can think of that solves the mystery of how the virtual stars inside managed to fool everyone with the most half-assed, obvious costumes since Zorro chose the smallest Spanish mask in existence and thought: "F*ck it, who'll know." And whether dressing up as the enemy, the opposite sex or a homicidal clown, these characters rubbish disguises rarely got rumbled.

How often do you examine videogame logos? Not regularly, we’d suspect, as there’s not a lot to look at beyond letters and possibly an emblem. But in the case of Final Fantasy, each logo has a distinct message to convey, and with XIII fresh in our minds and XIV on the horizon, we figured it was time to go through all the info tucked away in each game’s logo...

BREAKING POKEMON NEWS! The biggest blowout of Pokemon Black & White info has appeared on the internet via more leaked CoroCoro scans from the August issue. Surprisingly, it sounds like this might be the first Pokemon game in the series to actually have an interesting plot (moral ambiguity in a Pokemon game, gasp!), and we have some concrete details about new Wi-Fi/infrared features, as well as a full explanation of how the 3 on 3 battles will work.

Let's go through each page detail by detail!

Greetings! The time has come for your weekly dose of TalkRadar UK, so open wide your hungry ears. This week's team features Mr Cundy, Mr Towell and Mr Irvine - all of whom feel sufficiently qualified to talk things they have almost no information on. Like China.

More after the jump or...

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When the elevator doors dinged open on that fateful day in a Moscow airport, you had scarce time to prepare for the horror that was about to be unleashed. As your cadre of evil-doers calmly mowed the defenseless civilians into a fine paste, you knew that there was nothing right about this. There was no question that this was a dirty, rotten thing to do. It was, simply put, wrong. Remember that stone in the pit of your stomach? Well, prepare to feel it all over again, because these are six horrific crimes you never realized you were committing in games...

Game demos are about whetting the appetite, some say. If that's true, then Just Cause 2's was an all-you-can-eat buffet. You got to gorge on 35 square miles of the Lautan Lama Desert for a joyous 30 minutes at time. Over two million copies of the demo were downloaded, resulting in 2.5 million headshots and a million drivers kicked from vehicles, according to the developer's stats. Someone even made a mod for the demo...

Who doesn't love zombies? Well, apart from Jill Valentine, communists and possibly the Wolfman. It's also a well known science type fact that the living dead automatically make any game they appear in amazing. And who are we to dispute scienticians? That's why we've taken some games we'd love to see stuffed full of the undead and, thanks to Photoshop, made our zombie dreams so.

Another month, another tower of review code, another new Tetris or Bejeweled clone. For every Nintendo title striding into territory unknown there are five edging behind in their wake. How do we differentiate the pretenders and tell them apart? Can you pick out the intrinsic something that sets Tetris Party Deluxe DS apart from Tetris DS or the original block dropper? Is there, as our title suggests, a definitive version of our repeating favorites...

Ever wondered what a slime tastes like? Over two hundred people got to find out the answer as they lined up on 48th Street for Nintendo's Dragon Quest IX launch party this past Saturday.  They also got free Dragon Quest t-shirts, posters, and most importantly, the chance to buy Square Enix's new DS game a day early.

Here's what you missed - tons of pics from the event inside.

Tons of Black & White info to digest this week, including new Pokemon reveals and details on several exciting new Wi-Fi features. Plus, we welcome a special guest from PC Gamer.

Download link inside, now with 100% more intro music!