Disabled and deadly in: Killer7
The deadliest wheelchair-bound 60-year-old assassin with split personality disorder we can think of. Harman isn’t just hard; he’s a demi-god, putting the ‘deity’ in ‘disabled’… if you spelt it ‘deityabled’. Though his legs may be knacked this crotchety old killer makes up for it with his seven multiple personalities that take actual physical form.
If he’s not bunking someone off with a British albino persona, then he’s murdering a target as a Mexican wrestler. His legs may not work, but at least he can change into an enraged Irishman and cap people from 100 feet away (using only the power of his mental disorder). Better yet, old Harman’s continually ‘consoled’ by a smoking hot nurse. Remorseless, mental murderers get all the luck.
Disabled and deadly in: Bionic Commando
Whether you’re picking at stuff with them or showing off your wardrobe of comedy sock puppets; arms are great. But give us the option to cut ours off and replace it with a bionic claw and we’d happily hack it off with a dirty knife and fork right now. That’s why Spencer is so lucky. He can use his arm to do loads of cool things. Throw heavy stuff. Swing from buildings. Tickle midgets stuck in trees.
He might not be able to cut cards anymore, but we’re sure his ability to off entire armies of terrorists with his Doc Ock-esque robo appendage consoles him. Couple that with another ten awesome things he can do with his bionic implant and you’re left with a deadly killer who doubles up as an all purpose handy man.
Deadly and disabled in: Super Smash Bros.
Tragically born without a body, the gigantic glove has to appease itself by physically assaulting Mario and the rest of his posse. In the world of Nintendo (or Smash Bros, anyway) he’s effectively God, having created the entire Universe where he frequently manipulates characters like they were toys.
Although cruelly deformed, Master Hand doesn’t let his lack of legs or a spine or a head or lungs or sideburns or any X rated anatomical parts get him down. Instead, he’s too busy laying the smackdown using a variety of lethal punches, slaps and finger flicks. He’s even got a demented alter ego he can team up with to really put those annoying immigrant plumbers, mute bounty hunter and moronic monkey in their collective places.
Aug 11, 2009
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