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Crucified: Big games murdered by the critics

Sonic the Hedgehog (360, PS3) | Sega | 2007
After Sonic Heroes, Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic Riders all failed to satisfy our craving for a return to the pure, hyper-fast gaming thrills that got us hooked on Sega's spiky, sneaker wearing star in the first place, we optimistically hedged our bets on this being a glorious return to form for the hot-footed hedgehog.

But we were wrong. Rather than a ground-scorching victory for Sonic fundamentalists, Sega delivered a half-baked turkey that rightfully received an acerbic basting by critics reeling from the disbelief that such a shoddy Sonic product could ever make it out the doors of Sega HQ.

We foolishly played through the entire game, hoping to find something - anything - that might remove the shitty smear obscuring the view from our rose-tinted glasses. After suffering the entire game, and then being kicked in the nuts for good measure by an unbelievably bad ending, we were left bawling like broken-hearted babies sobbing over the lifeless body of a beloved pet.



Above: From start to finish, Sega's piss poor Sonic outing is just one big hedgehog smelling skid mark

And Sega did shout from the mountaintop...
"Sonic The Hedgehog brings his fast feet and feisty attitude to new next generation heights in his most intense, high velocity adventure yet."

Lo, the critics were sad and did spit fire and brimstone...
GamesRadar: "Sonic 's action stages are plagued by a sassy renegade camera, virtually no exploration, loose control, boring combat and rudimentary collision problems. Argh."

Jolt: "It’s never a nice experience watching a video game icon suffer a long, pointless, drawn-out death."

Pro-G: "As a next-generation game Sonic the Hed gehog is laughable, and somewhat of an embarrassment for Sega."

PSM3: "Any potential Sonic the Hedgehog had of returning to form has been destroyed by the fact that his PS3 debut is a broken mess."

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9 comments

  • isipisi - December 26, 2009 7:39 a.m.

    dammit u just had to quote gamesradar didnt u. thats so lame, but otherwise good article
  • killemall - May 13, 2009 7:02 p.m.

    Actually i did have a lot of fun playing as a demonhog in sonics latest adventure so i have to say that sonic might make a comback yet...
  • wolfwing187 - May 12, 2009 3:52 p.m.

    i have played sonic the hedgehod and personnaly i think its ok. not great but ok. me and my stepsister just like to mess around in the co op levels. AOD, i have. it my dads and well neither of us really like it. he thought it was too hard and i never liked tomb raider.
  • JohnnyFirebird - May 13, 2009 2:10 a.m.

    I've actually paid money for Driv3r twice... the first copy of my game got lost. But, I dunno, I... I kinda liked it. The graphics were much better than any other game out at the time, and the on foot sections were generally pretty easy. The driving, when it didn't glitch out, was nicely weighted and more on the drift side - it's no surprise that GTA IV takes this driving physics model lock stock and barrel. It also took the create-a-movie director mode, too, something which was sadly removed from Driver Parallel Lines. The Getaway suffered from similar problems, though the writing was at least sharper in this series. Driv3r ranks as having some of the worst cutscenes of a big budget game that I've ever seen. Long, gabby, boring. Good voice talent rambling on about a dull plot no one, even the writers, cares about. Still, I've got my money's worth out of Driv3r. Don't regret buying it. Here's hoping the PS3 will get a Getaway... one day.
  • crossed23 - May 11, 2009 10:57 p.m.

    Driver 3 sucked so bad. I played that garbage for like maybe an hour and thank God my friend was a store manager of the store I bought it at and got to swap it out wihtout loosing any money.
  • Morning Ninja - May 11, 2009 10:32 p.m.

    I bought Driv3r because the back had a IGN preview that gave it a good review. I god ripped off, scrated the disk on purpose and sold it back to the store. Then, I felt better.
  • Xplosive59 - May 11, 2009 6:18 p.m.

    woot i love gamesmaster got a subscription and everything
  • pimlicosound - May 11, 2009 1:37 p.m.

    reCaptcha: "Amsterdam purchase". Hm, I wonder what that could be...
  • Danomeon - May 11, 2009 12:27 p.m.

    Whenever anyone brings up that Sonic's fallen on crappy days, a massive sonic fan usually calls them, "Fags" or "idiots" or "ignorant." I wonder if he will ever actually succeed to make a better sonic game...

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