You probably long ago formed your own opinion on what Crazy Frog Racer would be like, and it's likely to be negative. "Play a game about the Crazy Frog?" you'll have muttered, "I'd rather poke my eyes out." And no matter how much we might now go on about how great CFR is, it wouldn't matter to you.
We could be about to tell you its better than Burnout Revenge and worth 10 out of 10. But you wouldn't care. You'd be immovable. Unflappable. And correct.
Crazy Frog Racer is utter rubbish.
OK, it's not quite as mutton as we'd all expected - for a start, that tune only infests the menus and the seconds immediately before the races begin. The game itself is played out, aside from the rubbish engine noises, in silence. Way to get that adrenaline going, guys.
But it's all just about competent (except for those bits where you'll fly off unavoidable humps in the track, go hurtling over the side and be penalised for something that wasn't you fault). However, there's one big problem - it's incredibly dull.
Establish a decent enough first-place lead, for instance, and that's it - you'll never see any of the other racers again, no matter how badly you might perform afterwards. Similarly, get caught too far at the back and it's over. You can race your little amphibian heart out, but you'll never catch everyone up. And the game somehow seems geared so that one of the two will always happen.
That all the tracks look the same - be they beach, city, sewer or hillside-based - doesn't help much either. Visually, Crazy Frog Racer is like a PSone game. Quite a good PSone game, but still...
There's not really any excusing this. It's dull, it's ugly, it stars 21st century commercialism's version of Scrappy Doo and it's got a Jukebox mode that doesn't even feature the Frog's 'classic' tracks - rather, a load of new 'cuts' that make you want to slash your knees.
Honestly, in a world where even Crash Bandicoot has got himself a decent racing game, there's no reason why you'd ever play this. So don't.