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Crazy ass rom hacks

JUST JUVENILE

Unrestrained by parents, Nintendo’s Seal of Quality, and the ESRB, rom hacks are where adolescent humor and bad taste come to shine. Think of the worst picture you ever drew of your most hated grade school teacher. Now imagine getting to play it! They’re so unfunny that they’re funny for approximately two seconds, right before becoming even less funny. Just be glad you didn't have to play 'em, K?

 

Super Butt Bros
Hack: Super Mario Bros 3

So what exactly did one of the greatest games of all time lack? If you didn’t say "boners," than you may still have an ounce of maturity in you, and therefore, no business in the field of rom hacks. Not so for the auteur behind Super Butt Bros. Thank the God Lord that some young programmer took the time to make Goombas look even more phallic by simply adding a urethra hole.


Above Right: Mario brags about his new found skill


 

The Lone Rapist
Hack of: The Lone Ranger

Oh yeah, the game’s awful. But that’s hardly the fault of the hacker, since they seem far more concerned with inserting dirty language than remedying the existing gameplay. The only notable change to this game is the character text and plot, which we’ll let badhacks.net explain:

Your mission is to commit various objectionable acts & ultimately rape the President of the USA.


Above: Let’s move on!


 

Nazi Dr. Mario
Hack of: Dr. Mario

There’s absolutely no reason to include this title. Seriously, none. But we figured we owed it to the rom hack community to showcase at least one dumbass example of the timelessly comedic swastika. Ever the fallback for a complete lack of anything humorous to contribute, many have used this simple design in place of any substantial thought or irreverence. If it’s any solace, hopefully this douche’s hack attracted the attention of Nintendo’s legal team, and the FBI.


Above: A cure for what's Aryan ya! ...wow, we're as bad as them


 

Homocop
Hack of: Robocop

Ya see, because he’s pink! AHAHAHAAHAH... ugh.

And to make this hacker look like even more of an infantile asshole, the second you get hit, you go back to being metallic silver (straight?), defeating 99.9% of Homocop’s pointless, anti-hilarious existence.


Above: He works for Dick....... Jones!


 

Blackman 2
Hack of: Super Mario Bros 2

Before you get offended by Blackman 2, know that this is a sobering expose on cultural ignorance. Not the actual game, mind you. God no, that’s racist as shit!  This is the exactly what results when Midwestern white kids' only knowledge of black culture stems from a single Dr. Dre album. And possibly the Klan.


Above: If you take a closer look at the screens... you know what, actually? Don’t.

18 comments

  • PatHan-bHai - February 23, 2013 11:40 a.m.

    SAMUS??>>>>>>>>>
  • fobidenerror - December 11, 2010 1:13 a.m.

    With the exception of Jomb's hacks, I don't see where these others are so bad, Jomb is the NES Rapist he'll rape any game any day of the week. He'll make a program that rape's a game and call it Rapist like "Monster Rapist" the Nes game Monster Party level editor. People on the internet begged him to make many of his hacks because they wanted them more than he did. that is the darkside of romhacking you either want to get somewhere fast or nowhere after years of work, the main focus of the Rom hacking community is on Fan Translation bringing accurate English translations of games unreleased in our country to the U.S.A.. I have been a rom hacker since 1998 who knows about me nobody I made two really awesome complete hacks one that is a total conversion of the original game they aren't perverted, So nobody knows who I am.
  • fobidenerror - December 11, 2010 12:33 a.m.

    You think those hacks suck, or that they aren't that great get your self a character editor like Tile Layer Pro or YYchar open the ROM "Game Image" and see what you can do with compressed graphic's, nothing. Laugh away they weren't copied and pasted many of them had ASM coding changes, decompression and all kinds of things you have no idea how to do. Try it some time you aren't skilled enough to alter Super Mario Brothers yet alone anything else and we know you are just angry cause you can't copy a real Rom hackers work and claim it as your own. Waka Waka Waka you can talk but you can't deliver.
  • BoondockSaint54 - July 9, 2010 1:32 a.m.

    Awesome article, Chris. I laughed at a lot of those.
  • waffledragon33 - July 8, 2010 10:22 p.m.

    koool
  • Thirteenth - March 13, 2010 1:57 p.m.

    Oh IWBTG, thou art a heartless bitch.
  • dmaster225 - March 1, 2010 5:26 a.m.

    what about kaizo mario world? thats a pretty difficult one.
  • D0CCON - February 27, 2010 5:45 a.m.

    Bottom of page 3, the children here will suck your... Woah....................................
  • hdofu - January 16, 2010 2:26 a.m.

    Also I feel bad for not saying this, in the above, but how can this list not give mention to the legendary Wilfred Brimley, the patron saint of Rom Hacks
  • hdofu - January 16, 2010 2:23 a.m.

    To be fair this article gives the impression this is the only kind of rom hacks out there. There are some good examples out there like Mario Adventure, Extra Mario Bros, Super Kitkiu World, Legend of Zelda Parallel worlds. BS Zelda: The Ancient Stone Tablets Wouldn't even be playable ever again without rom hacking. Some great games also are translated via hack Also there are official rom hacks... like Super Mario Bros 2
  • FanofSaiyan - December 12, 2009 10:13 p.m.

    Nude Mario?! These guys must have seperate lives to waste exclusively.
  • Sorekara - December 3, 2009 1:30 a.m.

    I am downloading IWTBTG now.
  • shnazzyone - November 5, 2009 6:01 a.m.

    This list is missing one of the greatest rom hacks of all time. Pussy city pimps.
  • Rockman - July 17, 2009 6:57 p.m.

    @nyef Actually it's not a typo. "As we're wont to do" is a phrase meaning something to the tune of "as we have a habit of doing". I used to mess around with Rom hacks all the time, so this article made me laugh. Good stuff GR!
  • Kaz993 - July 17, 2009 6:03 a.m.

    I am one of those that beat I wanna be the guy. Smashed 2 keyboards and the neighbors complained for my screaming. I gotta say, for some reason dracula always seemed the most irritating part of the game, aside from the Guy at the end (who took me well over 400 tries to beat.)
  • darkshadow0308 - July 22, 2009 2:47 p.m.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • nyef - July 17, 2009 3:19 a.m.

    lol i give props to the people that made these roms... even though they're illegal p.s. "When gamers sit around in their wicker rocking chairs and ponder who should’ve been in Super Smash Bros. Brawl - AS WE'RE WONT TO DO -" uhhh... i think that's a typo...
  • RebornKusabi - February 9, 2009 12:05 a.m.

    Holy God! Your a complete and total fucking tool if you have never played "I Wanna Be The Guy"...

Showing 1-18 of 18 comments

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