Unrestrained by parents, Nintendo’s Seal of Quality, and the ESRB, rom hacks are where adolescent humor and bad taste come to shine. Think of the worst picture you ever drew of your most hated grade school teacher. Now imagine getting to play it! They’re so unfunny that they’re funny for approximately two seconds, right before becoming even less funny. Just be glad you didn't have to play 'em, K?
Super Butt Bros
Hack: Super Mario Bros 3
So what exactly did one of the greatest games of all time lack? If you didn’t say "boners," than you may still have an ounce of maturity in you, and therefore, no business in the field of rom hacks. Not so for the auteur behind Super Butt Bros. Thank the God Lord that some young programmer took the time to make Goombas look even more phallic by simply adding a urethra hole.
Above Right: Mario brags about his new found skill
The Lone Rapist
Hack of: The Lone Ranger
Oh yeah, the game’s awful. But that’s hardly the fault of the hacker, since they seem far more concerned with inserting dirty language than remedying the existing gameplay. The only notable change to this game is the character text and plot, which we’ll let badhacks.net explain:
“Your mission is to commit various objectionable acts & ultimately rape the President of the USA.”
Above: Let’s move on!
Nazi Dr. Mario
Hack of: Dr. Mario
There’s absolutely no reason to include this title. Seriously, none. But we figured we owed it to the rom hack community to showcase at least one dumbass example of the timelessly comedic swastika. Ever the fallback for a complete lack of anything humorous to contribute, many have used this simple design in place of any substantial thought or irreverence. If it’s any solace, hopefully this douche’s hack attracted the attention of Nintendo’s legal team, and the FBI.
Above: A cure for what's Aryan ya! ...wow, we're as bad as them
Hack of: Robocop
Ya see, because he’s pink! AHAHAHAAHAH... ugh.
And to make this hacker look like even more of an infantile asshole, the second you get hit, you go back to being metallic silver (straight?), defeating 99.9% of Homocop’s pointless, anti-hilarious existence.
Above: He works for Dick....... Jones!
Hack of: Super Mario Bros 2
Before you get offended by Blackman 2, know that this is a sobering expose on cultural ignorance. Not the actual game, mind you. God no, that’s racist as shit! This is the exactly what results when Midwestern white kids' only knowledge of black culture stems from a single Dr. Dre album. And possibly the Klan.
Above: If you take a closer look at the screens... you know what, actually? Don’t.
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