NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY NUDES
Contrary to what your teachers and Al Gore will tell you, the internet was invented for the sole purpose of seeing your favorite pop-culture icons naked. But mankind was once again underestimated, and in the web’s infancy, humanity managed to exhaust what could be done with hand-drawn pictures of Cinderella pleasuring Speedy Gonzalez. So, 8-bit nude hacks were just a natural progression.
Hack of: Super Mario Bros.
The lack of a title should let you know that you’re in for a slightly more bare affair. However, it is a tiny bit misleading. Mario’s refusal to remove his hat would perpetuate rumors of baldness, leading to an overall insecurity that wouldn’t go away for years. So, mad (sad) props to the hacker for keeping the man’s schlong in proportion to his body. Now we know the magic Mushroom offers complete male enhancement.
The Naked Little Mermaid
Hack of: The Little Mermaid
Who hasn’t wanted to see Ariel nude? What’s she got under that dorsal fin anyway? Well, we still don’t quite know, since this hack keeps everything but her seashells intact, now replaced with two pink pixels. Such a process shall henceforth be known as “xipples.” Hot? No, not.
Hack of: Metroid
Yeah, you got us. We threw in that shot of Zero Suit Samus, just to keep you reading.
All Nude Samus has to offer is exactly that (starting to see a pattern?) And that ain’t much, unless you’re into green pubic hair. Luckily, we have a Joker fetish.
Hack: Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!
Trunks have been junked, albeit extremely inconsistently thanks to some slapdash hackery.
Every seen a flesh-colored maraca before? Now you have. So, let’s never mention this hack, or Bald Bull's moose knuckle, ever again.
Little Remo: The Child Abuser
Hack: Little Nemo: The Dream Master
Having mined homosexuality for all its inherent humor, the hacker replaces various nouns and verbs with sexually perverse terminology for an extremely immature game of digital Mad-libs. Keys are now dildos, animal suits recreate crude sex acts, and almost every character has been given some form of bare tit or gigantic erection in place of something useful. In other words: Art!