After the better part of a day’s play, we stopped loathing Cold War, and actually started enjoying ourselves. We began to appreciate the horrific menu-obsessed mechanics, which relegate almost every action into a time-consuming bore. We agreed the animation no longer seemed like a slap in the face to anyone who spent money on their cutting-edge game machines, and instead seemed minimalist, thus freeing more memory to be squandered on character-building design flaws.
When all was said and done, we agreed that Cold War was the game of the month. Then we all sat back and drank hot toilet water with a brown crayon dipped in it, and agreed that it was the best coffee we’d ever tasted.