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ClassicRadar: The 16 most awesomely bad videogame movie moments

3. FIRST-PERSON STUPIDITY

From: Doom (2005)

Doom, as anyone who’s played it can tell you, is about a lone space marine fighting demons on the moons of Mars. Doom the movie, meanwhile, is about a futuristic SWAT team led by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson fighting the mutant offspring of genetic experiments. We don’t even care where it takes place, we’ve already lost interest.


Above: Meh 

Even so, there was one scene that commanded the attention of anyone who sat through the trailers: a sequence shot in first-person, “just like the game.” We put that in quotes because it’s actually much closer to a haunted house at a carnival, with dudes in hokey costumes lunging out of the woodwork to take half-hearted swipes in the direction of the camera before being shot.


Above: What’s even going on here? 

It’s also surprisingly long (clocking in at over five minutes), and totally out of character with the rest of the movie. This is Hollywood’s idea of throwing gamers a bone. You might as well watch it:


 


2. THREE-WAY TIE

From: Street Fighter (1994)

It took us a few years, but we’ve swung around to the point where we absolutely love the first awful Street Fighter adaptation. Sure, it made Guile the center of the story, and cast unrepentant Belgian Jean-Claude Van Damme to play him. And yes, it was Raul Julia’s sad swan song before he died of cancer.


Above: His worst role… or his greatest? 

But if you watch it as a comedy, Street Fighter is actually a ridiculously awesome movie. Much of this is down to Julia’s wonderfully campy performance as M. Bison, although Van Damme deserves a good chunk of the credit, too.


Above: i AIM TOE-TALLY BELIVVABLE 

Besides, how can you take a movie seriously enough to be angry at it when it contains this portrait?

 

Or this desk, where Bison rides the saddle of the world?

Or this?


Above: BOOF 

In the end, we couldn’t pick just one favorite, awesomely terrible moment from Street Fighter, so we declared it a three-way tie between Bison’s levitation speech, Guile’s “we can all go home” address and Chun-Li’s strangely mocking story of her father’s death, which is followed by what may be the greatest comeback in cinema history. Watch and love:


Oh, and then there’s this:


Above: What 


1. KOOPA VISITS BROOKLYN

From: Super Mario Bros. (1993)

God, Super Mario Bros. Where to even begin? Every scene in this movie is horrible in a really over-the-top way. Taking place in a twisted version of Manhattan where humans evolved from dinosaurs, Super Mario Bros. has about as much to do with the games it’s “based” on as it does with watchable filmmaking. Apparently there was a conflict over whether to make it into a kid’s movie or a more “adult” sci-fi fantasy, and the result is an embarrassing mess that nearly everyone involved has publicly disavowed.

With such a rich vein of awful, what do we pick on? Should we single out Koopa’s (Dennis Hopper) awkward attempt to seduce Princess Daisy (Samantha Mathis)?


Above: “You know what they say about… little girls…” 

Or how about the dance-club scene, in which a canary-yellow Mario tries to pick up an overweight, rubber-spike-covered bouncer with what might be the lamest line ever?


Above: Actual subtitles from the movie 

Or, hey, how about toward the beginning, when Daisy gets threatened by an evil developer who wants to build where she’s looking for dinosaur bones? And then immediately accepts a ride with two plumbers she’s just met?

Or Mojo Nixon’s inexplicable appearance as Toad?

Or the thing Koopa turns into at the end?


Above: What some creature designer thinks Bowser looks like 

Or this?


Above: Reebok? Really? 

No, we’ll go with the movie’s climax, when Koopa and Mario (Bob Hoskins) are magically transported from DInohattan to Brooklyn. First, a little context: before the scene begins, Koopa and Mario start to de-materialize as the dinosaur and human worlds are merged.

Which then explains this:

Once in Brooklyn, Koopa aims a “de-evolution gun” (actually just a repainted Super Scope 6) at Mario…

… who heroically leaps out of the way so Koopa can hit that evil developer from earlier instead.

The developer is then turned into a chimpanzee, much to the delight of the assembled crowd.


Above: “Ha ha! We laugh because his situation is one of unfathomable horror!” 

Then there’s something about Mario foiling Koopa by throwing a mushroom at him after the Super Scope makes it huge. You know what? Just watch it:


Mar 8, 2011

The Top 7... Worst scenes in Uwe Boll movies
Cinematic crimes from the director gamers love to hate

 


An evening with Uwe Boll
Everyone hates Boll's movies but hardly anyone's seen them

 


The Least Faithful Movie Games
Game not fun enough? Make stuff up!

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48 comments

  • Sjoeki - July 13, 2011 9:56 p.m.

    So hard to pick a favorite!! It's all oscar material!
  • stephenrobinson - July 13, 2011 8:46 p.m.

    It makes me wonder if the likes of, Ben Kingsley, Ron Perlman, Jason Statham, Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds were threatened in some way to be in an uwe bollocks movie
  • grayguwapo - June 16, 2011 4:08 a.m.

    hahahaha... i never thought of watching street fighter that way... i will watch it again as a comedy as it makes more sense that way...
  • metalgatesolid - March 12, 2011 6:40 p.m.

    I just have to say i Love the way you guys write about things like this. Very funny. Agree with all of them. Lets be honest though the only decent videogame film is Silent Hill.
  • TheMadderHatter - March 11, 2011 10:27 p.m.

    This article: Still hilarious, and truly a classic collection of perfect abominations. Half the comments on this article (i.e., WAAAH YOU HURTED MY FEELINGS ABOUT A MOVIE): Facepalm. Although, they really seem to fit in with those scenes...
  • DIStroyinmasses - March 11, 2011 8:44 a.m.

    o dear, FAR CRY, i wana kill the fat guy allready!
  • Imthedoctor - March 11, 2011 2:49 a.m.

    the screen shot of the cheesy mortal kombat CGI battle made my ******* day xD
  • talkraider - March 11, 2011 2 a.m.

    Holy crap the video player is bad. Half the videos wouldn't play.
  • soren7550 - March 10, 2011 10:56 p.m.

    Seeing the screenshots of Uwe Bowl getting hurt made my day.
  • bass88 - March 10, 2011 10:24 p.m.

    I actually dropkicked a rabid dog that was hurtling towards me so the Resident Evil scene isn't so stupid for me. It was when I first saw it but nowadays it's almost like a perfect reenactment of that day.
  • beema - March 10, 2011 5:56 p.m.

    I love that 90% of the movies on here are by Uwe Boll. I can't believe that turd burglar actual was somewhat glorified on an episode of No Reservations. Also, there's a Postal movie!? WTF?
  • Pottyaboutpotter1 - March 10, 2011 4:44 p.m.

    How dare you slate the resident evil movies! All they are is action packed romps which the cast and crew intend them to be. They don't try to be like the games they distant themselves by setting up a new continuity so people who don't play games can still enjoy them. That and they're just fantastic films. all 4 of them!
  • Sonneilon - March 10, 2011 3:40 p.m.

    Oh, wasn't the Doom movie based on Doom4? And Mortal Kombat1 was deemed good mainly because it was compared to StreetFighter which sucked all over. Seeing how, back then, those were the two biggest fighting games, it was about which movie would be most 'faithful'. Mortal Kombat won out because it was darker, it had better action sequences, characters were fairly faithful and the story was better.
  • Sonneilon - March 10, 2011 3:36 p.m.

    I remember when MK2 came out. Saw it in theaters. Everyone thought the writers (and director) were on crack for that animality scene. Sub-zero's entrance was, let's face it, bizarre. Still, it was nice to look at Kitana and Sonya. Being a casual gamer, I wouldn't have recognized the relation between movie and game. Far Cry in particular. I wonder how many times that has shown up on SYFY.
  • Ariaka - March 10, 2011 8:19 a.m.

    Another case of I was around to see this when it was new XD Go GR, Happy Birthday! ^_^
  • CatrParrot - March 10, 2011 5:58 a.m.

    I forgot how crappy the special effects were in Annihilation. And why the overabundance of somersaults? At least the first movie wasn't as bad.
  • Thezombiesarepeople2 - March 10, 2011 5:02 a.m.

    Ok... umm... just a couple things I disagree with here: 1) Resident Evil movies were awesome and are awesome. 2) Hitman wasn't THAT bad, and the action scenes were sick. 3) DOOM would have been good if it had actually followed the story. It had a pretty good script and special effects and stuff, considering when it was made. 4) The scenes from Koopa Visits Brooklyn and Postal made me crack up so hard I almost crapped my pants. No joke.
  • 2cute2Bcruel - March 10, 2011 3:46 a.m.

    This list is full of funny. I'm so glad that Resident Evil: Apocalypse got nailed for being the awful piece of dumb that it truly is. What I think is far worse than the church scene is Jill's unnecessary F-bomb directed at Alice right afterwards. OoC much?
  • TDUBBS - March 10, 2011 2 a.m.

    Why does the villain in Far Cry look like Lorne Michaels?
  • tifanity - March 9, 2011 10:37 p.m.

    I don't know why people bash the Resident Evil movies so much. You all want a predictable movie just like the game? Then why even watch? They went a different direction and I think it worked. It isn't even that bad of a movie considering there are a total of four and another in the works. To me the worst has to be House of the Dead and Mortal Kombat 2.

Showing 1-20 of 48 comments

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