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ClassicRadar: The 16 most awesomely bad videogame movie moments

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8. ABOBO SEES HIS REFLECTION

From: Double Dragon (1994)

It’s always fun to look back on predictions people in the past had about the future, especially when the “future” in question was years ago and the predictions are hilariously wrong. Such is the case with Double Dragon, which in 1994 predicted that by 2007, Los Angeles would be demolished by a quake, cars would run on garbage and Andy Dick would be a weatherman.


Above: Actual movie still 

It also predicted that the streets of New Angeles would be ruled by rejects from The Warriors…

And that the only people brave enough to stand up to them would look like this:


Above: This is how 1994 imagined street punks would dress four years ago 

And also like this:


Above: Psh. Nice wrist-socks, guys 

Does that bad guy in the middle panel look at all familiar? It’s Robert “T-1000” Patrick, who looks damn near unrecognizable as “shadow boss” Kogo Shuko, and probably would like to stay that way.


Above: “Fuck you for reminding people this exists, GamesRadar” 

Finally, the movie predicted that by 2007, everyone’s trash-burning cars would have built-in police computers that could identify the person standing next to your car and menacing you. This is how we’re introduced to Bo Abobo (Nils Allen Stewart), a tragic figure who is always played for laughs.


Above: Cool, now you know trivia nobody else cares about 

While he starts out as a tough-but-stupid gang leader, Abobo is soon made a test subject in Shuko’s labs and given grotesquely huge muscles (but no new clothes to fit them).

Late in the film, he sees himself in the mirror – apparently for the first time – and has a bit of a moment:


Above: Bawwwwwwww 

If you’ve ever wanted to see a really bad latex creature cry about its own ugliness in a dingy restroom, well, now’s your chance:


 


7. KIDS GET MASSACRED

From: Postal (2007)

When it comes to Uwe Boll’s Postal, there are generally two prevailing schools of thought. One holds that everything in the film is funny except for the scene where all the kids get shot, and the other maintains that the only funny thing in the film is the scene where all the kids get shot. We’re part of that latter school.


Above: Look, it’s funny in context. Just trust us for now, all right? 

The scene begins in Little Germany, a shitty theme park owned by Uwe Boll (playing himself). As the park unveils an exclusive shipment of must-have dolls, Postal creator Vince Desi unmasks himself and rushes Boll for making a shitty movie out of it.

This leads to what may be one of the best images ever committed to film:


Above: YES DESTROY HIM THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE 

Also, Chris Coppola is there.


Above: Apparently he insisted on wearing his street clothes for this scene 

Just then, Desi pulls a gun, and as nominal hero Postal Dude tries to wrestle it away from him, it goes off…

… killing this guy…

… which enrages these cops…

… and gives Boll an excuse to start shooting…

… which then draws fire from these terrorists, who were there to steal the dolls:

Now, see, what’s funny about what comes next is that all these armed guys are shooting directly at each other, and the only people they manage to kill are the only people they weren’t aiming at. Which is to say all the kids in the theme park.


Above: We like to think that the french-fry statue is the real culprit here 

Oh, and Boll gets shot, too. In the balls.


Above: See, we told you it was funny 

Still don’t see the humor in it? Maybe you should watch it for yourself, then:


 

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48 comments

  • Sjoeki - July 13, 2011 9:56 p.m.

    So hard to pick a favorite!! It's all oscar material!
  • stephenrobinson - July 13, 2011 8:46 p.m.

    It makes me wonder if the likes of, Ben Kingsley, Ron Perlman, Jason Statham, Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds were threatened in some way to be in an uwe bollocks movie
  • grayguwapo - June 16, 2011 4:08 a.m.

    hahahaha... i never thought of watching street fighter that way... i will watch it again as a comedy as it makes more sense that way...
  • metalgatesolid - March 12, 2011 6:40 p.m.

    I just have to say i Love the way you guys write about things like this. Very funny. Agree with all of them. Lets be honest though the only decent videogame film is Silent Hill.
  • TheMadderHatter - March 11, 2011 10:27 p.m.

    This article: Still hilarious, and truly a classic collection of perfect abominations. Half the comments on this article (i.e., WAAAH YOU HURTED MY FEELINGS ABOUT A MOVIE): Facepalm. Although, they really seem to fit in with those scenes...
  • DIStroyinmasses - March 11, 2011 8:44 a.m.

    o dear, FAR CRY, i wana kill the fat guy allready!
  • Imthedoctor - March 11, 2011 2:49 a.m.

    the screen shot of the cheesy mortal kombat CGI battle made my ******* day xD
  • talkraider - March 11, 2011 2 a.m.

    Holy crap the video player is bad. Half the videos wouldn't play.
  • soren7550 - March 10, 2011 10:56 p.m.

    Seeing the screenshots of Uwe Bowl getting hurt made my day.
  • bass88 - March 10, 2011 10:24 p.m.

    I actually dropkicked a rabid dog that was hurtling towards me so the Resident Evil scene isn't so stupid for me. It was when I first saw it but nowadays it's almost like a perfect reenactment of that day.
  • beema - March 10, 2011 5:56 p.m.

    I love that 90% of the movies on here are by Uwe Boll. I can't believe that turd burglar actual was somewhat glorified on an episode of No Reservations. Also, there's a Postal movie!? WTF?
  • Pottyaboutpotter1 - March 10, 2011 4:44 p.m.

    How dare you slate the resident evil movies! All they are is action packed romps which the cast and crew intend them to be. They don't try to be like the games they distant themselves by setting up a new continuity so people who don't play games can still enjoy them. That and they're just fantastic films. all 4 of them!
  • Sonneilon - March 10, 2011 3:40 p.m.

    Oh, wasn't the Doom movie based on Doom4? And Mortal Kombat1 was deemed good mainly because it was compared to StreetFighter which sucked all over. Seeing how, back then, those were the two biggest fighting games, it was about which movie would be most 'faithful'. Mortal Kombat won out because it was darker, it had better action sequences, characters were fairly faithful and the story was better.
  • Sonneilon - March 10, 2011 3:36 p.m.

    I remember when MK2 came out. Saw it in theaters. Everyone thought the writers (and director) were on crack for that animality scene. Sub-zero's entrance was, let's face it, bizarre. Still, it was nice to look at Kitana and Sonya. Being a casual gamer, I wouldn't have recognized the relation between movie and game. Far Cry in particular. I wonder how many times that has shown up on SYFY.
  • Ariaka - March 10, 2011 8:19 a.m.

    Another case of I was around to see this when it was new XD Go GR, Happy Birthday! ^_^
  • CatrParrot - March 10, 2011 5:58 a.m.

    I forgot how crappy the special effects were in Annihilation. And why the overabundance of somersaults? At least the first movie wasn't as bad.
  • Thezombiesarepeople2 - March 10, 2011 5:02 a.m.

    Ok... umm... just a couple things I disagree with here: 1) Resident Evil movies were awesome and are awesome. 2) Hitman wasn't THAT bad, and the action scenes were sick. 3) DOOM would have been good if it had actually followed the story. It had a pretty good script and special effects and stuff, considering when it was made. 4) The scenes from Koopa Visits Brooklyn and Postal made me crack up so hard I almost crapped my pants. No joke.
  • 2cute2Bcruel - March 10, 2011 3:46 a.m.

    This list is full of funny. I'm so glad that Resident Evil: Apocalypse got nailed for being the awful piece of dumb that it truly is. What I think is far worse than the church scene is Jill's unnecessary F-bomb directed at Alice right afterwards. OoC much?
  • TDUBBS - March 10, 2011 2 a.m.

    Why does the villain in Far Cry look like Lorne Michaels?
  • tifanity - March 9, 2011 10:37 p.m.

    I don't know why people bash the Resident Evil movies so much. You all want a predictable movie just like the game? Then why even watch? They went a different direction and I think it worked. It isn't even that bad of a movie considering there are a total of four and another in the works. To me the worst has to be House of the Dead and Mortal Kombat 2.

Showing 1-20 of 48 comments

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