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ClassicRadar: SkeleTONS - nearly every bony bastard in the gaming universe

Human-sized skeletons aren’t enough for the evil bandits of Neverwinter Nights – no, theirs must be the size of buildings and hang ominously over their dark and drab entryways. That’s all well and good, but uh, do they have humans that big or did someone spend an awful lot of time constructing a fake skull and arms?

More Castlevania, but now with DS-powered sprite capabilities that throw wave after wave of calcium-rich combatants your way. They’re so confident in their prowess they’ve even named these particular skelleys “Frisky.”

This is without a doubt the most embarrassing blow to human/skeleton relations. These two were minding their own business, probably talking about bones or something, when a quartet of roided-out maniacs came stomping in and making outrageous demands. Dear god leave them alone!

This shot proves two things. 1) PlayStation 1 games age like shit, and 2) Chrono Cross’s designers ran out of decent ideas about 30 characters into their 45 character roster.

Hoo boy, Killer Instinct. Think Rare will bother bringing it back after a 12 year hiatus? And if so, will Spinal make the cut? These are the questions GamesRadar is brave enough to ignore.

Somewhere deep beneath the part of the Earth that matters lay these two boney horse monsters that crush rival raider Pierre Dupont into dust. Dead dust.

TimeSplitters 2 is one of the few amazing FPSs fro GameCube, so please, please check it out it if you haven’t already. Oh wait, what’s that? Last gen games age like rotten fruit smothered in vulture shit? Hm. Maybe just wait for an inevitable remake.

There, happy? Of course we wouldn’t forget Manny, perhaps the most well known dead guy among PC adventure game nerds. That’s literally dozens of people who know him on sight!

We kid, we kid. Good stuff, Shafer. Now make Brutal Legend rock.

The multiplayer-minded Quake III introduced a vast number or poorly designed and immediately forgettable avatars, including Mr. No Name up there and several other sort-of-skeletal options.

Okay... we’re not sure what this is, but it has boobs and a clearly visible rib cage. Nightmarish indeed.

In a list of out-there skeletons, the Undead Hero still manages to stand high above the rest. C’mon, he’s wearing a suit of golden armor!

29 comments

  • Turboash - November 1, 2011 6:17 a.m.

    YAY! Brett's back everybody!
  • mattfikes - October 31, 2011 noon

    no minecraft?
  • DukeNukeThem - October 31, 2011 1:34 a.m.

    I loved the skeletons from 'Point Blank' they were so well animated.
  • NightCrawler_358 - October 30, 2011 3:29 p.m.

    I like it! But I don't like the lack of the dancing skeleton named "Bones" from Spyro 2 and 3. No prob though!
  • CancerMan - October 30, 2011 2:59 p.m.

    This article is still fantastic! Remember when GR used to do original humor articles on a daily basis?
  • ultimatepunchrod - October 30, 2011 11:08 a.m.

    thanks for including Medievil. effing loved that mediocre game.
  • DLSemen - October 30, 2011 7:50 a.m.

    Oh, Brett!
  • pkozyra64 - October 29, 2011 11:42 p.m.

    You have no idea how upset I am that the dancing skeletons from Monkey Island II didn't make it. ='(
  • kickinthegroin - October 30, 2011 2:58 a.m.

    I know, right? All the way through that I was thinking "Ah, Monkey Island is on the next page" Sadly...they never were =(
  • CitizenWolfie - October 30, 2011 6:49 a.m.

    I also can't believe they left out Monkey Island. Murray would not be happy...
  • Leathersoup - October 31, 2011 4:30 a.m.

    I was just thinking the same thing. No Murray = Incomplete List
  • metroid2099400 - October 29, 2011 9:26 p.m.

    Whenever I think of Gaming Skeletons, I think of the original two Prince of Persia games, and their skeleton duels! Also the undead pirates in the Monkey Island games.
  • CowboyBlasto - October 29, 2011 8:24 p.m.

    What, no Demon's Souls?
  • DLSemen - October 30, 2011 7:51 a.m.

    this article was written in 2008. Reading is fundamental.
  • 510BrotherPanda - October 29, 2011 6:37 p.m.

    It's nice that Brett included Crocomire on the last page. I remember seeing this article way back when...
  • ProfessorLeighton - October 29, 2011 6:20 p.m.

    Oooohhhhh Brelston come back, you can blame it all on me!!!
  • CrispyPuppet - October 29, 2011 4 p.m.

    Memories:)
  • Moondoggie1157 - October 29, 2011 3:51 p.m.

    I wouldn't call the original MK, "broken". I've never felt that it was, but anywho, good article :D Skeletons make everything better. Just downloaded MediEvil, looking forward to playing through it again.
  • UberNoob - October 29, 2011 2:59 p.m.

    I remember MediEvil. I loved and was frightened by that game...
  • codystovall - October 29, 2011 1:20 p.m.

    Brett haunts us beyond the grave... Skull bones, probably my fav.

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

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