ClassicRadar: SkeleTONS - nearly every bony bastard in the gaming universe

Oblivion’s straight-up fantasy world doesn’t dick around – these skeletons are of classic design. No more, no less.

With so much gooey red stuff to spew, Kratos’ skeletal enemies take a backseat so he can splatter as much gore as possible. When they’re there, you probably won’t even notice.

Private Eye Fred Neuman gains the ability to swap heads for various abilities, one of which happens to be semi-skeletony, albeit with razor hands and some kind of brain matter lining the sides.

Speaking of stuff lining bones, these baddies are stuck in neither zombie nor skeleton limbo. Just a bit too meaty to fully qualify, but juuuust gone enough to sneak in. Well played, guys.

Costumes play a big part in Bully, Rockstar’s other-other game from 2006 and twice again in 2008. Yes, all the same game.

No, not the latest sequel that’s being critically annihilated, we’re talking classic-ass Golden Axe from the arcade, the one that devoured quarters, ended relationships and caused DCFS to remove at least one child from their inattentive parents.

Okay that probably never happened. But still, cool skeleton. Those missing teeth mean he got in a fight, and since he’s still here, that means he won.

Earlier we said Ghouls ‘n’ Ghosts was the hardest franchise of all time. Ninja Gaiden might be runner up, partially thanks to this bone dragon from the Xbox remake, or PS3 remake-remake.

Kingdom Hearts sends you a-rescuin’ all over the Disneyverse, but there’s nary a world we’d rather visit than Halloween Town, home of Jack Skellington and most of Hot Topic’s employees.

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  • Turboash - November 1, 2011 6:17 a.m.

    YAY! Brett's back everybody!
  • mattfikes - October 31, 2011 noon

    no minecraft?
  • DukeNukeThem - October 31, 2011 1:34 a.m.

    I loved the skeletons from 'Point Blank' they were so well animated.
  • NightCrawler_358 - October 30, 2011 3:29 p.m.

    I like it! But I don't like the lack of the dancing skeleton named "Bones" from Spyro 2 and 3. No prob though!
  • CancerMan - October 30, 2011 2:59 p.m.

    This article is still fantastic! Remember when GR used to do original humor articles on a daily basis?
  • ultimatepunchrod - October 30, 2011 11:08 a.m.

    thanks for including Medievil. effing loved that mediocre game.
  • DLSemen - October 30, 2011 7:50 a.m.

    Oh, Brett!
  • pkozyra64 - October 29, 2011 11:42 p.m.

    You have no idea how upset I am that the dancing skeletons from Monkey Island II didn't make it. ='(
  • kickinthegroin - October 30, 2011 2:58 a.m.

    I know, right? All the way through that I was thinking "Ah, Monkey Island is on the next page" Sadly...they never were =(
  • CitizenWolfie - October 30, 2011 6:49 a.m.

    I also can't believe they left out Monkey Island. Murray would not be happy...
  • Leathersoup - October 31, 2011 4:30 a.m.

    I was just thinking the same thing. No Murray = Incomplete List
  • metroid2099400 - October 29, 2011 9:26 p.m.

    Whenever I think of Gaming Skeletons, I think of the original two Prince of Persia games, and their skeleton duels! Also the undead pirates in the Monkey Island games.
  • CowboyBlasto - October 29, 2011 8:24 p.m.

    What, no Demon's Souls?
  • DLSemen - October 30, 2011 7:51 a.m.

    this article was written in 2008. Reading is fundamental.
  • 510BrotherPanda - October 29, 2011 6:37 p.m.

    It's nice that Brett included Crocomire on the last page. I remember seeing this article way back when...
  • ProfessorLeighton - October 29, 2011 6:20 p.m.

    Oooohhhhh Brelston come back, you can blame it all on me!!!
  • CrispyPuppet - October 29, 2011 4 p.m.

  • Moondoggie1157 - October 29, 2011 3:51 p.m.

    I wouldn't call the original MK, "broken". I've never felt that it was, but anywho, good article :D Skeletons make everything better. Just downloaded MediEvil, looking forward to playing through it again.
  • UberNoob - October 29, 2011 2:59 p.m.

    I remember MediEvil. I loved and was frightened by that game...
  • codystovall - October 29, 2011 1:20 p.m.

    Brett haunts us beyond the grave... Skull bones, probably my fav.