Running around in open spaces looking for people to shoot in an online FPS
Hint: Running around creates obvious movement. It also creates a space behind your back, which you can't see into. So in other words, you're highly visible and incredibly vulnerable. You do the maths.
Above: Let Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid be a lesson to you - everyone's waiting for you to run out into the open
Trying to drive racing games with the accelerator on full the whole time
There's only one racing game where this might work and that's Burnout. But even then you'll need to tap the brakes to get drifting. Slow down for corners and your car will go faster round the track. Odd, that.
Above: If you're playing a driving game, you'll need this bad boy
Pressing left when Sonic's on the ceiling
He's upside down so the controls are reversed. Get it? So if you're running right and he starts going around a loop, you've got to hold… what? RIGHT.
Above: We haven't included 'running upwards'. Can you guess what it is?
Wondering why PSP's battery runs out so fast with non-use
You've been leaving it on standby, not 'off'. Y'know, instruction booklets are funny things - they instruct you on such wonders.
Above: Standby mode uses power still. Try turning it 'off'
Choosing manual gears and then not shifting up. Ever.
"Why am I going so slowly? Where's everybody gone?"
Above: First gear. 57mph. You're definitely going to win this one
Driving carefully in GTA
Don't worry about the old lady, dad. Or the speed limit. And you don't need to stop at the lights. Erm... shall we play something else?
Above: No-one plays games to sit in traffic, do they?
Trying to play during a cut-scene
It's a story bit. No, just wait a minute. Watch it - it's like a film. Quick - you're playing again! Oh no, you died. Ah well.
Above: Probably best not to let a rookie play an MGS game
Trying to play during the demo
"Oh, I thought I was doing really well"
Above: And then the game just stopped after 30 seconds and went back to the title screen! I think it's broken
Moving the 360 while it's switched on
Because you needed another coaster for your coffee mug, right?
Above: See that coin in the surface? No? That's because it's a RING
09 July, 2009
What games would a noob buy?
A game store. A handful of cash. And three non-gamers
Beat your mates in GTA IV online racing
Shows you how to use brakes and everything!