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Classic mistakes rookies always make

Running around in open spaces looking for people to shoot in an online FPS
Hint: Running around creates obvious movement. It also creates a space behind your back, which you can't see into. So in other words, you're highly visible and incredibly vulnerable. You do the maths.


Above: Let Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid be a lesson to you - everyone's waiting for you to run out into the open

Trying to drive racing games with the accelerator on full the whole time
There's only one racing game where this might work and that's Burnout. But even then you'll need to tap the brakes to get drifting. Slow down for corners and your car will go faster round the track. Odd, that.


Above: If you're playing a driving game, you'll need this bad boy

Pressing left when Sonic's on the ceiling
He's upside down so the controls are reversed. Get it? So if you're running right and he starts going around a loop, you've got to hold… what? RIGHT.


Above: We haven't included 'running upwards'. Can you guess what it is?

Wondering why PSP's battery runs out so fast with non-use
You've been leaving it on standby, not 'off'. Y'know, instruction booklets are funny things - they instruct you on such wonders.


Above: Standby mode uses power still. Try turning it 'off'

Choosing manual gears and then not shifting up. Ever.
"Why am I going so slowly? Where's everybody gone?"


Above: First gear. 57mph. You're definitely going to win this one

Driving carefully in GTA
Don't worry about the old lady, dad. Or the speed limit. And you don't need to stop at the lights. Erm... shall we play something else? 


Above: No-one plays games to sit in traffic, do they?

Trying to play during a cut-scene
It's a story bit. No, just wait a minute. Watch it - it's like a film. Quick - you're playing again! Oh no, you died. Ah well.


Above: Probably best not to let a rookie play an MGS game

Trying to play during the demo
"Oh, I thought I was doing really well"


Above: And then the game just stopped after 30 seconds and went back to the title screen! I think it's broken

Moving the 360 while it's switched on
Because you needed another coaster for your coffee mug, right?


Above: See that coin in the surface? No? That's because it's a RING

09 July, 2009

What games would a noob buy?
A game store. A handful of cash. And three non-gamers

 

Beat your mates in GTA IV online racing
Shows you how to use brakes and everything!

127 comments

  • Kotsu - July 21, 2009 12:17 a.m.

    My parent's got me a used PSP when it first came out... it had no instruction manual, so I had to learn how to actually shut it off on my own. Don't even remember how I found out.
  • nai1210 - July 14, 2009 6:56 a.m.

    that picture of picard on ds screen along with stylus on top screen is priceless,good work indeed.
  • sepirothpk - July 14, 2009 1:18 a.m.

    I actually make the button mistake often on my PSP, because I have a Japanese PSP, but largely play Australian sold games. I have to switch between the two which makes it hard when one of the funnest games is actually Japanese
  • Sandrock62 - July 13, 2009 10:50 p.m.

    What about when you save over you best save game with some new one instead of in the freakin EMPTY game slot...
  • Evey - July 13, 2009 6:17 p.m.

    Come on admit it, everyone does the T-Shirt one. Its just so convenient.
  • RANGERyo - July 13, 2009 9:45 a.m.

    im too pwn status to make those mistakes ive never made mistakes like these
  • SgtPoppenfresh - July 13, 2009 8:42 a.m.

    sadly i have turned the hold button on the psp. i nearly serviced it but i realised it was on hold! =|
  • Doctalen - July 13, 2009 3:26 a.m.

    I think I have done everyone of this mistakes except the PSP and the cutscene ones.
  • Demonflare - July 13, 2009 1:35 a.m.

    Hahaha! My dad thought the top DS screen was also touch screen and got so pissed. I just watch him, while I felt smart. :O And playing with the remotes upside down is hard yet confusingly fun!
  • jorhorror - July 13, 2009 12:49 a.m.

    I am an xbox man through and through, and to this day I still get the square and circle and triangle shit confused. I guess if it was introduced to me at birth than I would have It by now. I think i'll stick to nintendo and xbox 360
  • looky125 - July 12, 2009 6:39 a.m.

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  • man92 - July 11, 2009 9:08 p.m.

    i only missed 3 -4 mistakes. i m a hardcore noob. i have moved scratched 3 discs with my xbox, brand new cod 5, halo 3, and gears of war 2. i always do the butch cassidy ending at most of the fps.
  • Leonhart35 - July 11, 2009 4:57 p.m.

    I just have to say a quick word in the noobs favor here, yes they are annoying and yes they are idiots but they dont know what they're doing! its easy for someone whos racked up 500hours of online COD4 to laugh and point at someone who throws a grenade when trying to reload or manages to blind himself with a flashbang just before 3 guys come round the corner, just bear in mind that you were a noob once too!!
  • oryandymackie - July 11, 2009 11:08 a.m.

    Red Coin Of Death. Sonic FAIL.
  • oryandymackie - July 11, 2009 10:54 a.m.

    And where is "firsting" on this list??
  • MetalGearFlaccid - July 11, 2009 4:30 a.m.

    Yeah... I returned my 360 the day I got it when 4 red lights showed up... But now I is more smarter.
  • Necron - July 10, 2009 7:32 p.m.

    Calling Sonic's Rings 'Coins' Looks like Game Informer fails that one, LOL!! A quote from their review of Sonic Unleashed: "As much as I disliked lumbering through levels as Sonic’s hulky Werehog, I disliked hunting through the hub worlds looking for coins even more. Sega, if you really want to fix Sonic, the first thing you should do is stop trying to fix him."
  • NullG7 - July 10, 2009 5:31 p.m.

    Ok the analoug stick thing usally olny works on retro consils unless you are trying hard, and best list ever!
  • Denrok - July 10, 2009 2:45 p.m.

    Ugh... I absolutely hate the one about cutscenes! What's so freakin' hard about the transition from gameplay to cutscene and back again that some people just can't understand?
  • BigBossOSE - July 10, 2009 8:49 a.m.

    @Seabread You idiot, by making a point to say you don't care about being first, you have effectively become just as bad as the rest of the dumb first crowd...and in fact, I suspect you've been that dumb from the start. As for the 360 laser burning...I worked at a retail store and received countless 360 games in my section that the front desk had taken in as defective...it's really sad that people are getting rewarded with new copies instead of learning from their mistakes.

Showing 1-20 of 127 comments

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