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Cheat on your console

We’re on to you. We’ve noticed you casting a roving eye over recent announcements of price cuts, seen you ogle the unveiling of lithe younger models. Yes, even you, 360 fanboy, the one who said the PS3 had no games. We caught you looking longingly at LittleBigPlanet’s Sackboy, imagining the things you would do to him if only you could get him online. And you there, PS3 fanboy, the one that wrote ‘Killzon 2 iz teh sex, Halo iz teh suxxor!!2!’ on forums. We’ve seen you watching Halo 3 multiplayer matches on YouTube late at night, pretending it was you holding that plasma pistol, firing shot after shot at the red team.

Yes, you’re filthy. You’re nasty. You’re one of us. Y’see luckily for you, we’re corrupt-minded libertines, who’ve spent our lives jumping from one console to the next, sometimes without even washing our hands. So we’ve done you a favour – we’ve prepared every salacious, scandalous detail about the console you said you’d never turn to. Go on, it’s all right to look – eyeball those exclusive games as we analyse what’s hot and what’s not about each of the major platforms. We won’t tell anyone…


PS3

Now slimmer, sexier, and a smidgen of the original price… hurrah!


The Key Exclusives

Killzone 2
Sure, your relationship with your Xbox 360 has delivered Halo 3 and Gears 2, but any true shooter fan won’t be satisfied until they’ve played the best out there. This is one of them. Why it’s worth straying for: Gorgeous, labyrinthine maps and a 32-player cap make Killzone 2 multiplayer unlike anything the 360 offers.


LittleBigPlanet

Xbox 360 owners can claim to have an answer for every PS3 title. Not this plucky little platformer. LittleBigPlanet oozes charm and encourages creativity in a way that no 360 exclusive can compare to. Why it’s worth straying for: In short, the limitless, level-moulding potential of this landmark title. If you and your friends ever tire of it, you’re tired of life.


Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots

The capstone in Hideo Kojima’s epic espionage series, MGS4 is an incredible technical achievement, and reason enough for millions to purchase a PS3 upon the game’s release. Why it’s worth straying for: The story. MGS4 isn’t just the best-written game of the series – bringing Snake’s story to a sweeping, satisfying conclusion – the quality of characterization, dialogue and story are unmatched by anything this generation.


Ratchet and Clank Future: A Crack in Time

Insomniac’s long serving cartoon duo return in their ultimate adventure. It’s a sprawling quest that combines open-galaxy exploration, blasting and some brain-bending puzzles. Why it’s worth straying for: This time Ratchet and Clank are divided – it’s a brave move that allows the gameplay’s component parts to develop beautifully. Magnificent.


Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

If you want to experience the pinnacle of quality for third-person action adventures, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is the place to go. Why it’s worth straying for: As an amalgamation of Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider, It may not be the last word in innovation or original ideas, but for visually stunning blockbuster gaming, Nathan Drake’s mission to Shangri-La is top drawer.


Future Exclusives

God of War III (Apr 1, 2010)
The baldest badass in Sparta returns, this time in glorious hi-def – featuring new weapons, new Greek gods to dismember, and an on-screen enemy count upped from a once-worrying 15 to a terrifying 50.


Heavy Rain (Feb 16, 2010)

The work of the folk behind the underrated PS2 classic Fahrenheit, Heavy Rain promises uncanny character animation and a dark, complex plot that weaves in the narratives of four distinct characters.


The Last Guardian (TBA 2010)

The next offering from the talented developers behind Ico and Shadow of the Colossus, The Last Guardian is similar in tone to both, featuring a boy and his griffin pal, whom you have to get to do your bidding in order to solve puzzles. We think this could be something special.


MAG (Jan 26, 2010)

Currently in beta testing, all you need know about MAG is that it’s a multiplayer first-person shooter that caters for up to a hitherto-unprecedented 256 players per battle, features paradrops, gigantic maps and a CoD4-style levelling system.


White Knight Chronicles (Feb 16, 2010)

The first PS3 title from the brains behind Professor Layton and Dark Cloud, White Knight Chronicles is a long-delayed dark fantasy RPG that blends single-player and multiplayer questing with highly kinetic combat.

96 comments

  • TrollMan - February 12, 2010 1:59 a.m.

    before i read this i had a 360 breaking for the forth time so i got a ps3 slim (250 gb) and i'm not cheating on 360 cause 360 is no more now cause ps3 kicks ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • mentalityljs - December 12, 2009 12:58 a.m.

    @ Spybreak8 Good point!
  • Spybreak8 - December 6, 2009 8:55 a.m.

    @mentalityljs I play PC games but a majority on my 360 because I don't have the money to constantly upgrade my PC to play the games I want. In fact I enjoy being able to pick from like 80 games to play without having to install em or worry about installing an antivirus/antimalware program. Therefore I don't mind paying 40 bucks for live when its a lot cheaper than a new video card, cpu, ram, more hard drive space and so on. I still love PCs but economically the 360 is great, especially with everyone's unanimous talk of not needing a new gen console quite yet.
  • Spybreak8 - December 6, 2009 8:37 a.m.

    Haha its late so I read Zack & Wiki Quest for Barbaros' Treasure as Zack and Mira Make A Porno haha. Yeah I'd cheat because I'd actually love to play Ratchet and Mario again but cheating is expensive. :P
  • Enix21 - December 4, 2009 8:29 p.m.

    lol its like Xbox 360 vs PS3...Wii is like "were are we in this"
  • lovinmyps3 - December 4, 2009 5:24 a.m.

    Oh yeah I just remembered: I had the yellow light of death on my PS3 ($150 to get a replacement) AND the red ring of death on my 360 4 months after I bought it!! The PS3 cost more (compared to the $0.00) but at least it lasted a good year and a half. lol
  • lovinmyps3 - December 4, 2009 5:15 a.m.

    I'm ashamed to admit that I was a Sony fanboy until about 6 months ago. Left 4 Dead caused me to break down, now I'm always playing Halo 3 and Modern Warfare 2 on LIVE! Actually I used to be a big Nintendo fanboy until the PS2 so I guess I've cheated twice. XD
  • joel2211 - December 3, 2009 4:57 p.m.

    I bought a PS3 for black Friday when I have had my x box for years now....but I will only play exclusive PS3 games on it.
  • metalgatesolid - December 3, 2009 4:04 p.m.

    So where is Mario Kart for the Wii? That and Mario Galaxy are the two games i play round my mates who has Madworld and Super Smash Bros. But they are at the bottom of a pile. Id love a 360 as I love RPGs and Fable and Mass Effect interest me alot. PS3 has Metal Gear, the reason i have a PS3.
  • punkmetalmage - December 3, 2009 7:41 a.m.

    I've skimmed through some of the comments and see that people are finally coming to their senses. I know a couple of people know this but Xbox is called Xbox for microsoft's Direct X service. It's basically a cheap computer with a shitty operating system so people can play Direct X games which is available on Microsoft other platform: Windows. Windows 7 comes with Direct X11, Xbox 360 uses something equivalent to DX9. 360 is at a limit in every way now. Grow a pair and build yourself a gaming computer hook it up to your 42" 1080p HDTV and enjoy a much richer experience. When it comes to consoles, I got me a PS3 because it serves a lot more quality exclusives.
  • griffed88 - December 3, 2009 6:27 a.m.

    I own none of these consoles! PC gaming ftw! ...although I am tempted to get a ps3 when my birthday roles around cuz i love my psp and adhoc party sounds sweet
  • mentalityljs - December 3, 2009 4:37 a.m.

    @ crumbdunky I'd have to agree. Although I don't own any new consoles or handhelds, if u own a PC, you're better off sticking with it and buying a PS3 or a Wii for their exclusives, seeing as every xbox game that's worth playing is eventually released on PC. Therefor, you're able to cut the cost of LIVE and still have an enjoyable online experience. And before anyone gets on my ass about DLC, let me just say that if you're defending your PC/console at ALL based on it's DLC, then your system is a piece of shit. It's all about it's library!
  • tomasavery - December 3, 2009 3:47 a.m.

    "and if your too poor to pay for online then Psn but Psn isn't any where close to Xbox Live." lol that's ridiculous. Too poor to pay for online? It's not a matter of whether you have the money for it, it's pathetic that you have to. You're right that the PSN isn't anywhere close to Live though, there aren't anywhere near as many xenophobic foul-mouthed 12 year olds on the PSN. PC is the only way to play multiplayer anyway.
  • vigeoman - December 3, 2009 1:45 a.m.

    im surprised u didnt put okami on the wii section u guys always yell at us for not buying okami (which i did)
  • gmilf71 - December 3, 2009 1:30 a.m.

    *360.
  • gmilf71 - December 3, 2009 1:30 a.m.

    Yah I consider the 260 and ps3 pretty much exactly the same. the xbox is just a white and greeen version of the ps3; the ps3 is a black and blue version of the xbox. I don't see why you would wanna buy both. And for all of you fan boys, MW2 on ps3 alone made more money that Halo ever has.
  • Tochy - December 3, 2009 1:29 a.m.

    didnt convince me. and btw little big planet blows reCAPTCHA: serve bullock ahahaha
  • minimaxi - December 3, 2009 12:40 a.m.

    @chewbroccli Braid is available in PSN now. as of me, I've been cheating on my 360 for a PS3 months ago. The thing is, if you have a decent PC, that leaves you only a handful of true exclusives; Fable2, Gears2, Halo3, what else? Halo3 might be released for PC by the time Windows 9 comes out, PC version of F2 and GoW2 is not impossible either. XBLA games are kickass though! A lot of awesome exclusives are coming to PS3 (hence my reason to defect). In my opinion, PS3 is a really good secondary console if you mainly play PC Games. oh, and... SOMEBODY FORGOT TO SHOEHORN OKAMI INTO THIS ARTICLE :D :D :D
  • chewbroccli - December 3, 2009 12:21 a.m.

    what about braid and the liberty city stories for xbox. those are big too
  • IIIIIACEIIIII - December 2, 2009 11:45 p.m.

    I own a Wii, a 360 and a PS3, and yet I find myself playing Super Mario Bros 3 on the SNES or WoW for the majority of my day.

Showing 1-20 of 96 comments

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