Possessing a bone-dry wit and a droning monotone to match, GamesRadar’s former CheatPlanet editor has the rare distinction of being an in-joke unto himself. Those who’ve heard his Norm MacDonald-esque delivery on TalkRadar, or who’ve read his deceptively straightforward articles already know why his deadpan delivery and equally deadpan humor set his work apart; for everyone else, he’s a taste worth acquiring.
Above: Here is a picture of the person we are talking about
Sadly, Paul left us last year to pursue grad school in Boston, but his stuff occasionally shows up here. For us, those occasions are a little like Christmas.
GamesRadar video stuff... watch it!
Back in the days before we realized it was annoying the shit out of most of our users, we began every video that appeared on our site with a short piece of music that went on for maybe a few seconds too long. After about a year and a half of hearing it constantly, day in and day out, former senior editor Christian Nutt made up some words to go along with it:
Above: You only really need to watch the first few seconds
Alternate versions included “Sombrero hat full of chips… fact sheet!” and “I’m going to lose my job… next week!” Thankfully, we’ve since switched over to much shorter, snappier intros on our custom videos, but the legacy of our earliest theme song remains.
Dinosaur Penis Off-Ramp
What started out as a simple, one-off meme has since become a bona fide in-joke, thanks to our boss’s boss stumbling across a fan-created image during an important business meeting.
Above: ‘Dinosaur… penis?’ (Thanks, forum user KREATIVEassassin!)
Otherwise, it’s just a meaningless, random thing blurted out at the end of TalkRadar 41 that Chris quickly scooped up and identified as an excellent potential lyric for a B-52s song about driving home from work.
Conan of Cimmeria, GamesRadar Hyboria
The dilemma: promote a video of all the topless women in 2007’s Conan game without coming off as crass or stupid. The solution: Study a huge stack of Conan comics to get a feel for the character’s voice, and then write an article as though we were him, reacting to the game.
This wasn’t the first time a game site pulled a lame stunt like this, but it may have been the only time the fictional character in question ended up going on a rant about how the game made him look “simple, interested only in breaking chains” and was therefore terrible.
Chris Antista is ‘a bit of a racist’
When anyone else says it, it is a shameful admission of ignorance and intolerance. But when Chris says it, it means he likes games about racing cars, because racing games are fun.
Above: Chris’s favorite form of racial tension
‘Don’t put hotsauce on your penis’
This immortal phrase was coined by Tyler Wilde in the aftermath of TalkRadar 69, in reaction to a presenter on the Wii’s Nintendo Channel saying the words “firebomb your highway” – which, let’s face it, sounds like a sex act. Tyler theorized that such an act would involve hotsauce, which led to a follow-up warning in TalkRadar 70 to not put hotsauce on your penis.
This led to a remix by TDar superfan Twishart.
Executive Editor Brett Elston likes Animal Crossing. This makes him a child. He also likes P.N.03, which is weird because it’s kind of an awful game. He also does not pronounce the "oh" part, like the rest of us do.
Above: Image by forum user rabbit221
Associate Production Editor Hank Gilbert loves Mario, wrestling games and launching into prolonged rants about superhero comics.
Production Editor Carolyn Gudmundson only loves Pokemon and Puzzle Quest.
Charlie Barratt is still a huge fan of Gabriel Knight, and will bring it up whenever possible.
Above: Image by forum user ssj4raditz
Content Editor David Meikleham's favorite film is Jurassic Park, and he'll bang on about it being "the Star Wars of his generation" all day if you let him. Even if you don't.
Content Editor Justin Towell is obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog to a dangerous degree. Not only has he bought the first game no fewer than 14 times on different formats, but he’s actually gone on record as declaring Sonic 2 to be far superior to Super Mario World. He’s also the lone GR staffer to harbor a genuine love for the PSP, even going so far as to like the intrinsically flawed PSPgo.
Did you know Brett also used to work at Toys ‘R’ Us? Because he did.
Above: Forum user Yellowhat17’s illustration of every conversation with Brett ever
Associate Editor Matt Cundy prefers to spend the limited time he has on this planet playing through average games, and has completed Dark Void, Wet and 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, but not BioShock, Assassin's Creed II or Uncharted 2.
Oh right, Chairman Steve. We first discovered Steve – full name Steve Lloyd – when writing a piece on the 10 worst intros of all time. The Ted-Turner-looking Chairman Steve was introduced in the horrifyingly dubbed TurboDuo game Last Alert, in which we learned that he and his three accomplices were responsible for creating a weapon that would make a terrifying skeletal Jesus show up and just sort of stare at the Earth for a while.
More than that, Chairman Steve is probably the least threatening – and least threateningly named – villain ever to appear in an early ‘90s game. How can you hate a guy named “Chairman Steve?” For that matter, how can you not love him? We certainly do – so much so that we threw him into our character battle (where he was mutilated early on by a drunken, belligerent Mario) and made him the mascot of this article. And now you know why.
Feb 17, 2010
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