A frequent GamesRadar/TalkRadar whipping boy, Bionic Commando’s infamous “wife arm” has been the subject of much debate among GR’s editors. One camp claims it’s the dumbest plot twist of 2009, while the other insists it’s the very worst anything ever. What on earth could possibly spark so much controversy?
Among the plot twists that were delivered near the end of last year’s disappointingly gritty sequel/reboot was the revelation that hero Nathan Spencer had a closer bond to his bionic arm than even he realized. Rather than just being a cool piece of machinery, the arm was in fact Spencer’s missing wife. Honestly, we don’t get it either. Was her mind uploaded into the arm? Is there an organic heart and/or brain hidden somewhere inside all the grappling-hook machinery? Or did the thinking just not progress beyond, “Oh man, that’d be a really cool twist?” We may never know, but at least we get to make fun of it.
… or GamesRaider.corm, or GamsRadder.com. All three pop up frequently on TalkRadar and are interchangeable, for purposes of mumbling commentary, with GamesRadar.com. Strangely, though, this is one meme that didn’t originate with the hosts or the fans, but with former WWE Diva Ashley Massaro. After poor Ashley tried several times to record a quick promo for our site, we decided the bloopers were way more entertaining than an actual endorsement, and this sad spectacle was the result:
Embarrassing? Sure. Maybe even a little cruel. But it’s not all bad, seeing as Ashley comes away with the credit for our marble-mouthed meme.
The GamesRadar Ultimate Character Battle
When most other sites host a “character battle,” that generally means a popularity poll that pits characters against each other in tournament-style brackets to see whose fans can click a button the most. When we decided to stage one of our own in mid-2008, however, we opted for a far more hands-on, slapdash approach: we crammed a few editors into a room, picked names out of a hat and then hurriedly wrote deliberately half-assed fanfiction to determine the results.
Above: Best of all, nearly every matchup was as unbalanced as possible
The end result was a four-day extravaganza, during which 64 mostly beloved characters were humiliated, murdered and violated. Mike Tyson lured Sonic into a windowless van. Mario acted like a violently obscene cross between Kratos and Harvey Keitel in Bad Lieutenant. The internet itself became a combatant halfway through, and the Incredible Hulk ultimately won, even though he isn’t actually from videogames. It angered a few people who may not have gotten the joke, but it remains the most epic humor piece we’ve ever attempted.
Because our senior Microsoft editor’s name is Charlie Barratt. And, you know. Puns.
Above: GET IT?
The Norwegian King of Names
What began as a bizarre news item about a Norwegian boy who wanted to change his name to Sonic X, only to be denied by his king, rapidly snowballed into one of the funniest segments we’ve ever recorded on TalkRadar.
Above: Image by forum user WJRA356
Putting on his best James Mason impression, Chris took up the heavy crown of the King of Norway and proceeded to imperiously grant or deny name changes to all people and things in his immediate vicinity. With wizard sound effects. Look, it’s probably better if you just listen to it:
The "R" word
We’re not supposed to say it. Ever. And yet somehow, we keep slipping up and doing so anyway. Our discomfort about the word has led to us being constantly associated with it, to the point that it’s inspired more than one misguided, unofficial mascot.
Above: Image by forum user graboids
The Official Website of the Internet
GamesRadar’s self-declared, largely meaningless title, immortalized in ads, placards and pillowcase form.
Above: If it’s printed on a placard that nice, it must be true!
Brett is the king of dates
Specifically, the dates on which games were released or important game-industry events happened. It’s a Rain Man-like ability that keeps us from having to pause and look things up during TalkRadar recording sessions (or, alternatively, get it wrong and be corrected by our listeners later).
Above: Image by forum user JackieChantista
Oh, what, you thought we meant, like, lady dates? Oh, ha ha. Ha ha ha!
Look, I… I’m a huge nerd, OK? I’ve amassed an enormous amount of information on things that would be useless in any other career path, and I have a terrible compulsion to correct others whenever they’re wrong about that information (which is most of the time, because really, who gives a shit?).
Above: Image by surname-misspelling forum user ssj4raditz
This became such a frequent occurrence on TalkRadar that Chris started playing the “Wikiparaz” sound effect – originally from schlocky ’80s news show A Current Affair – whenever I’m right about something (and playing it backwards if I’m ever wrong). If you’re going to be known for one mildly obnoxious personality trait, though, being right about things is a pretty good one.
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