Burger King unleashes obesity apocalypse

It's a terrifying reality that children are playing this indoctrinating garbage. But even more horrifying, we've been condemned to a dystopia plagued with even more game/commercials. The tainted ground-beef CEO-God of Burger King has unchained his monstrously twisted new subsidiary, and it just finished slithering out of the cellar. King Games.

We're sleepless and screaming and weeping and slowly deteriorating into insanity. We actually wrote this while lying motionless on a crowded sidewalk.

But, excuse me sir... can you spare a cheeseburger?