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Bestselling crap

4. 50 Cent: Bulletproof
2005 | PS2, Xbox
Copies sold in US: Close to one million
Average score: 49%

While not quite as bad as bottom-feeding trash like 25 to Life or Made Man, 50 Cent: Bulletproof is a third-person shooter so generic that it would have been completely ignored if rapper Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson's face and music hadn't been plastered all over it. Essentially a marketing tool disguised as a hyperviolent gangsta fantasy, Bulletproof starred Fiddy as a tough-as-nails urban vigilante out for revenge after some military-grade drug thugs shoot him nine times. Ultimately just another unsatisfying Max Payne ripoff, Bulletproof challenged players to shoot blurry-looking goons, collect random junk and blow stuff up to unlock songs and videos, and that's really about it.

The company line: "50 Cent: Bulletproof is gritty urban action as 50 Cent and G-Unit shoot their way through an army of drug dealers. … It's a web of corruption, double-crosses, and shady deals - but 50 has the guts and the ammo to shoot through it and get the men who almost killed him."

What the critics said: Few reviewers had anything nice to say about Bulletproof, and most immediately tore into the game for its bland design and endlessly repetitive shooting. Eurogamer called it "superficially slick… a third-person shooter that stumbles well under the benchmarks set for the PS2," while Electronic Gaming Monthly was more succinct: "As a game, Bulletproof is a disaster."

Most reviewers zeroed in on the game's crummy, inaccurate aiming, with PSM declaring that "you'll repeatedly find yourself emptying a full clip to kill a dude at point-blank range." Others took issue with the invincible-but-rock-stupid G-Unit soldiers who'd follow Fiddy around, and many seemed to have an underlying problem with the game's soulless glorification of street violence and all things Fiddy (which the man himself didn't help when he publicly encouraged parents to buy his M-rated game for their kids). Any way you slice it, though, Bulletproof's murky environments and mindless, thuddingly dull gunplay should have sent it straight to bargain bins.



Why you bought it anyway: Because you're an admirer of Curtis Jackson's musical oeuvre and you wanted to pop caps as the man himself, reviews be damned. Or you just really, really wanted to watch Eminem portray a cop. One or the other.

What went wrong? It's pretty clear that most of the money went toward Bulletproof's presentation - which is actually pretty nice, if you're a Fiddy fan - and what was left went toward hiring Genuine Games, a developer whose only other project was the insulting Fight Club game. If anything, that's an indicator Bulletproof was never really intended to be good in the first place. The game has some cool ideas, like close-up fatalities, Fiddy's ability to shoot from behind cover and the ever-present G-Unit sidekicks, but they're all poorly implemented, and none of them really feel necessary. In short, it would have needed more time, more money and more talent behind its design to be more than a promo item for 50 Cent's ego.

Most infuriatingly positive quote: Our UK brethren at Official PlayStation Magazine 2 believe that "Bulletproof is like G-Unit's music translated direct to PS2. You'll either completely love it or miss the point entirely." So if we don't love it, it's not because Bulletproof is a crappy shooter. It's because we missed the point, thereby not only redeeming the author's awful taste in games, but elevating it to a level above our own. Genius!

54 comments

  • Moosebomber - December 15, 2008 1:57 a.m.

    i liked enter the matrix. but then again, when i played it, i was 11.
  • aqibloz - July 30, 2009 2:21 p.m.

    "more focused on looking slick than on actual fun." u just described gta4. . .
  • FancyRat - October 12, 2008 3:45 a.m.

    "Aside from the Driver series having its own sizable (if by that point dwindling) fanbase..." What?
  • jingneji - October 12, 2008 5:20 a.m.

    marvel imperfects was a good games but it had it ups and downs but i still liked it
  • chilipeppersman - October 17, 2008 4:47 a.m.

    for the people who said they liked enter the matrix, that game truly sucked and you dont know good games if you think ENTER THE MATRIX was good, so good job GR. fuck all the company lines too, they are full of donkey shit
  • Patius - October 17, 2008 2:22 p.m.

    Eh, in 6th grade, Enter the Matrix was fun. Then again, there were lots of games that we enjoyed back then that suck now that I look at it.
  • twishart - October 19, 2008 1:15 a.m.

    I've purchased NONE of these games, and have only played Wii Play ONCE. Thanks GaymesRaider.corm!
  • thereaper52 - October 21, 2008 10:06 p.m.

    i loved enter the matrix only because of the slo mo wall kick fuckin A++ to the matrix
  • samboy218 - October 25, 2008 5:27 p.m.

    50 cent what?
  • Graham - October 27, 2008 3:36 p.m.

    I'm so proud of the fact that I've never bought any of these games and, to be honest, I don't know that I've even played any of them. I almost sat down with my roommmates copy of Spiderman 3 once, but after watching him get pwned repeatedly by that lame quicktime event against Sandman at the end, I thought better of it. Also, that other Matrix game, zymn, was Path of Neo. It had its fair share of bugs and lousy collision detection, but it was pretty fun overall. A good five-day rental type of game.
  • Jimmyjammy - October 30, 2008 1:31 a.m.

    When will 50 cent die? I can but dream. How pissed off would you be if you were one of the nine people who shot him and he didn't die?
  • oreomonkey - November 2, 2008 4:27 a.m.

    I liked Enter the Matrix but im sure if I picked it up again right now I would agree that its crap... Wii play was good for the remote
  • MacGyver1138 - November 6, 2008 7:39 p.m.

    Zymn, like graham said, the other Matrix game you were thinking of was the Path of Neo. It was still pretty buggy, and it had some weird fights (Giant, bipedal ants come to mind) but it was way better than Enter the Matrix. At least Enter the Matrix let you see Monica Belucci and Jada Pinkett Smith making out. That made the game almost tolerable.
  • BordersOfInsanity - November 23, 2008 8:13 p.m.

    i actually liked golden eye rogue agent, and driv3r was alright.
  • mugen_ - December 8, 2008 1:26 a.m.

    saw 50 cent's game for 99 cents, they had about a fifty copies.
  • zymn - October 11, 2008 12:47 a.m.

    fiiiiirssst. or, whatever. uhh... wasn't there a matrix game where u played as neo? and it was like you vs. vampires or somethin? anyways, great list. funny as always.
  • TheGreatHobbe - October 11, 2008 4:46 p.m.

    CURSE YOU COMPANY LINES, YOU TRICK US ALL!!!
  • Pablos102030 - October 12, 2008 6:49 a.m.

    Screw you guys, I liked rogue agent. The multiplayer was awesome.
  • bron1417 - October 13, 2008 8:06 p.m.

    back when "The Matrix" game first came out i actually liked it,i didnt buy it but i liked it enough to play it and at the time it was tight. but still it's a shame there are crappy games but that's why we have GR. nice article guys btw.
  • Rodrigo90 - October 13, 2008 8:35 p.m.

    "proving once again that no cliché is too stale for a writer who wants to see himself quoted on the back of a box." A Hilarious "Ouch" xD

Showing 1-20 of 54 comments

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