Assassin's Creed III - 63 amazing things we saw and did in Colonial America

  • We played Drafts and lost £100. Meh. Rigged.
  • We found a turkey standing on a stone in the river and later one on a log in the Homestead. We pet them both.
  • We also gave them some food from our pockets then discovered you can't kill the turkey with the tomahawk. Apparently Thanksgiving hadn’t been invented yet.
  • We also pet a kitty.
  • And a puppy.
  • But we didn’t try to kill them. We’re not animals. But THEY ARE! And they were cute. Yes they were. Yes they were!

  • We jumped off tall things into small piles of hay. Yes, you can still do this. Yes, it’s still fun. No, it still doesn’t make any sense.
  • We used the new “Rope dart” weapon to snare an enemy and hang him from a tree.
  • We also trussed up enemies in the trees by throwing a dart with a line attached from the branches of a tree.
  • We also yelled “GET OVER HERE” after throwing a dart at an enemy running away. It stabbed him in the back and we dragged him back towards us as people stood by and watched with horrified expressions.
  • We yelled “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!” at the horrified people but they couldn’t hear us because it was a video game and we were outside of the TV.
  • We climbed up the mast of a ship in the dock and a thunderstorm started. It made us feel like Poseidon.

  • On one occasion, we jumped into water but not from high enough to dive properly. The subsequent belly flop appeared to cause damage.
  • We spent a few a few minutes trying to figure out the new combat system, which is more aggressive than the one found in previous games. We eventually got it, but not before getting our butts kicked a few times first.
  • We ran around Boston just killing and parkouring for, like, half an hour.
  • We saw a piece of paper floating around and chased it. It was an almanac page, one of the collectibles in Assassin’s Creed III.
  • We read some codex stuff in the menus after finding the page and mistakenly saw some spoilers. Our eyes, they’ll never be the same.
  • We also found feathers, which are also collectibles. These were usually found in trees, sitting in birds’ nests. Fitting, no?

  • We shoved a musket into an enemy’s chest and shot him. Overkill, much?
  • We smashed out hatchet into an enemy’s head.
  • We noticed that the kills are, by and large, much more brutal this time around. We could spend the rest of this article talking about all of the awesome, bloody kills, but we won’t.
  • Alright, one more: We stabbed a guy in the throat and then gave him the “Rock Bottom,” choke slamming his bleeding body onto the dirt.
  • We found a Templar base and decided to infiltrate it.
  • We died trying to infiltrate a Templar base.

  • We tried to infiltrate the Templar base, but this time we went in through a secret entrance. It went better and we killed everyone and eventually blew it up, reclaiming it for AMERICA.
  • We found a locked chest and spent a good five minutes trying to unlock it. We eventually did and we were rewarded with some loot, but man did it take a while.
  • We met Paul Revere and Sam Adams.
  • We got annoyed that Sam Adams didn’t offer us some beer. What a jerk.
  • We got to hang out with several historical figures, helping them out with tasks and killing redcoats when they asked.
  • We overheard the end of the final meeting before the Boston Tea Party. It was a cool way of bringing Connor into the story without having him be the Forrest Gump of the Revolutionary War.

Watch some gameplay of ACIII's Boston in this video

  • We participated in what might be the least historically accurate Boston Tea Party ever. Seriously, We’re pretty sure that dozens of redcoats didn’t die as the founding fathers brazenly tossed boxes of tea into the ocean.
  • We killed a guy who warned Connor that the colonialists would, eventually, kick all of the Native Americans off of their land. Connor was all like, "Nah."
  • He then went, "Alright bro," and died, and then we stopped playing.

If you want to know more about Assassin's Creed III, check out our list of everything we know about Connor Henway and find out why the Assassin's Creed movie could (and should) be the best game movie of all time.




  • Ironarm - September 26, 2012 2 p.m.

    "Now we feel bad" Oh my god, that made my day. Thank you for that. Also, my hype levels for this game are through the roof. Just a little more than a month away!
  • lazer59882 - October 4, 2012 1:43 p.m.

    you must've been having a really REALLY bad day
  • Slaiter - October 9, 2012 11:58 a.m.

    you must not have been able to develop a proper sense of humor
  • KolbitosFruitJuice - September 26, 2012 2:26 p.m.

    Ugh. QTE's for animal encounters? Why? Why can't we fight and counter like a normal battle? It seems like a silly decision.
  • lazer59882 - October 3, 2012 3:45 p.m.

    THANK YOU. i was looking to see if someone had said this. it's kindof inexcusable, using QTEs for fucking animal fights. why not just let me slash at it with whatever i'm' wielding? this isn't 2004
  • Viron - October 4, 2012 9:35 a.m.

    The QTEs are probably for when the animal actually attacks you.
  • ljrivarola - September 26, 2012 4:32 p.m.

    What about Desmond's face? Still as ugly as Revelations?
  • system1988 - September 27, 2012 2:17 a.m.

    I play AC on the PC. I really got worried about the whole "one button" tree climbing and free running on treetops bussiness. It may seem border-maszochist but since AC1 I have learned to destroy my fingers little by little when I wanted the character to move in free- run mode. It gave me the feeling of AC being really difficult to master and that avoiding Templars, Borgia and other brutes of various ages can be hurtful enough to cause a WASD sundrom! And now all this goes away with one button? Now I feel bad. The PC version needs its old crappy controls! Part of me loved the stupid controls! Really no joke! I never had to strain my fingers that much in order to excel in a game and that is one of the things that made AC so awesome for me! Sniff! R.I.P crappy AC control system for PC A victim of commercialism
  • Sanjievh0602 - September 27, 2012 9:40 a.m.

    I dont normally make accounts on websites like GR, i just come here to scope out info. But this article made a horrible day a little better, i laughed out loud at several lines, so i decided to make an account and leave a comment. Thanks for the hearty laughter Also, REALLY excited for AC3!
  • lazer59882 - October 3, 2012 3:49 p.m.

    okay so this is really like...20 amazing things, and 43 awful attempts at humor. those 20 were interesting though, so i'll sort through the shit.
  • ExecutionerZ - October 8, 2012 2:53 a.m.

    and i called it 100% amazing lol

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