With 14,113 games (approximate number) on show to 32 gazillion people (approximate number) during E3 week, getting your PS4 FPS/3DS puzzler/iOS groundhog hibernation sim noticed can be downright impossible. And so many a dev adopts an approach which is peculiar, but understandable: giving their game a moniker which doesn’t necessarily make sense but at least makes it stand out from the crowd – like a blue Smartie, or Game Of Thrones character introduced at the start of an episode who isn’t dead by its end. This year's big show in LA was no exception. To that end, here are the top ten so-cringeworthy-we-kind-of-admire-them game names present during E3 week.
75 levels of heists, rescue missions, boss battles, and brawls, using a character that sounds cut and pasted from a sketch show. A rejected, they-only-made-one-episode-and-it-was-so-bad-MTV-burned-the-tapes sketch show. Doesn’t scream million-seller, does it?
Strength Of The Sword: ULTIMATE
You wouldn’t buy a game that promised to empower you with an average-strength blade. You wouldn’t buy a game that guaranteed a blade as strong as the strongest of Trebor Mints, even. But ULTIMATE strength? In CAPITALS? Alright, you still probably won’t buy that, but you can’t pretend it didn’t make you look.
A Wild West PC shooter from Istom Games which has just landed on Steam, promising Rusty the Robot Cowboy, American ninjas (anachronistic much?) and “evil piranhas”. Okay, that does actually sound a tiny bit mad. 8/10 for title accuracy, if not the game itself.
Crusaders Of The Lost Idols
Most tenuous Indiana Jones pastiche ever. I’ll forgive the name, just this once, for the game itself's sheer cuteness. Next.
Mark McMorris Infinite Air
Not, as I’d hoped, a SingStar rip-off in which you belt out Return Of The Mack on an eternal, infernal loop, but a snowboarding sim from HB Studios headed to PS4, Xbox and PC. Kinda cool, I guess, but my ‘90s R’n’B itch remains distressingly unscratched. Overshare?
A “whirling dance of local and online multiplayer robot destruction” (most definitely their words, not mine) which is headed to PS4 and Steam. Further proof that alliterative game titles are not always a good thing, kids. See also: Rayman Raving Rabbids. Every Extend Extra. Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust. Stupid. Stop. Seriously.
Okay, so this wasn’t at the show itself, but Bournemouth-based dev Option4 announced it during E3 week so it totally counts. Its press release warns: “Custard! Is extremely tasty but please try not to eat our device. It may contain bytes.” Guys. GUYS.
Another newcomer that teases musical thrills – a first-person platformer set to Don’t Look Back In Anger, or a sports game in which you have to curl free kicks over the Wonderwall – but no, instead it’s Nintendo’s new 3DS RPG. At least Noel’s kids will like it.
Rhythm Heaven Megamix
I know it’s been round forever, but it still sounds like… you know full well what it sounds like. And too much of it most certainly will not score you a ticket through those pearly gates.
River City: Tokyo Rumble
Natsume’s side-scrolling brawler is without doubt one of the best games headed to 3DS, but that title is straight out of a random-name generator. (And, to be fair, kind of the point.) I look forward to sequels Ocean Metropolis: San Francisco Brawl and Pond Hamlet: Carshalton Barfight.