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  • Welcome to Eldar, the land of many grays and browns, brainless enemies and mercenaries, and mute characters. A console first for the action role-playing series, Valhalla Knights: Eldar Saga presents plenty of problems from the beginning: an awful color palette, yawn-worthy cutscenes, stiff combat, poor enemy and mercenary AI, and a predictable story.

  • Vallkyria Chronicles shares the same frustrations as MGS4, with its gratuitous cutscenes redeemed by glimpses of genius. The premise might be unspectacular – set in a world at war, you control a military unit in a quest to free your country from Imperial occupation – but gorgeous presentation and intriguing gameplay make it a rare gem that stands out from the crowded shelves of RPG sequels and remakes.

  • Final Fantasy XII isn't the only RPG in town. And though it kicks ass, there's room in our hearts for more than one fantasy. Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria is the rare pleasure that blends traditionalism with its own personality. The results are engaging. Graphically, Silmeria outclasses just about every game on the PlayStation 2. It's not just about raw horsepower, although this game will make your PS2 cry - it's always running smoothly, with hugely detailed characters on screen. But it's also
  • If there were dieticians for videogame consoles, their diagnosis for the DS would be, "you're very healthy, but I think you should cut down on the RPGs. It seems like you have one every week and half the time they're just remakes filled with empty calories." But in spite of this appraisal, we think they'd make an exception for Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume.

  • Splinter Cell - but with vampires. Sounds so good, doesnt it? Its no wonder that early word of the Japanese stealther made us feel like kids at Christmas. But our review of the Japanese version was as disappointing and upsetting as waking up on December 25th to find that Santas not only used your stocking as a toilet but wiped his ass on the curtains too. And now its our duty to simply restate the fact: this game hates you, and wants you to have a bad time. Rain follows the exploits of a
  • We reckon developer Artoon’s mastery of irony is pretty spectacular: here’s a game called Vampire Rain; it features hundreds of vampires (check) and it never stops raining (check). That’s like calling Gran Turismo… “Car Drive”. Bravo, then, for that. It’s not that Altered Species is appalling.

  • Were going to get straight to the point: Vampires Rain is a wretched game. It hates you, it insults you as a gamer and it plain doesnt want you to enjoy playing your 360. Forget any twinge of excitement you may have felt from the trailer, or the whiff of promise that wafts out of the Splinter Cell-meets-Dracula concept - this is a game to avoid like Marmite-flavored herpes. Why so bad? Its tough to know where to start. The horrible, unrelenting grayness of it all is the most immediate problem.
  • Their diet is unnatural, and those who consume it are shunned by society. If discovered, they're driven out by mobs waving pitchforks. Yes, Monster Munch and Iron Bru-scoffing games journalists are a hideous breed, and should be slaughtered in their sleep.Vampires though, just as horrible and eighteen times as sexy, get their own videogames. Vampire: The Bloodline Masquerades differs from your average nibble-'em-up. Yes, there's superhuman powers of the undead and blood-drinking, as seen in
  • Before Hugh Jackman turned Van Helsing into a swashbuckling super hero, the eccentric vampire hunter was usually portrayed as a greying, grizzled professor. As every Hammer Horror beasties' nemesis, the hapless hunter was rolled out whenever Frankenstein's monster, Wolfman, or The Count himself, got out of hand. A quick count reveals that Peter Cushing played Van The Man six times, eclipsed only by the haunting Christopher Lee (of LOTR fame) who donned the fangs for the Dracula role on no less
  • Vancouver 2010 developer, Brit outfit Eurocom, have managed to perfectly reflect the public’s mood of total indifference with their game, and this is really the only score on which they can be warmly congratulated.

    Featuring a stingy 14 events, only half of which are any fun to play, this isn’t what you’d call ‘good value for money’.


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