Fact: Children are stupid. Their opinions cannot be trusted. So why should we trust ourselves as kids? Why would we believe that any of the stuff we liked when we were younger is still worth liking? Especially something as dependent on current technology and taste as videogames?
We shouldn't. And in this article, we won't. Here are seven games, picked by seven GR editors, that pathetically fail the test of time and adulthood.
Share yours in the comments now!
Earlier today Nintendo unintentionally revealed its next handheld - the Nintendo 3DS, a device that will employ 3D effects without any fancy glasses. Word is it arrives in 2011 (and will probably be teased during this year's E3), which got me thinking about the launch of the original DS. Specifically, how shit the first year was (Canvas Curse aside), and it wasn't until mid 2005 that we saw the first wave of ass-kicking titles. The first of which was Advance Wars Dual Strike.
Song "Black Hole Power" embedded after the jump!
If you worked for a shadowy counter-terrorist organisation, what sort of agent would you be?
Bill Paxton is the only actor to have been killed by an Alien, a Predator and a Terminator. His short-lived band, Martini Ranch, encapsulated everything that was good about the 80s. If ever anyone deserved memorializing in a custom pinball machine, it’s Bill Paxton. And if there was ever a geek up for the job, it’s Ben Heckendorn.
Looks like everybody’s favorite soldier of fortune-themed bromance has returned, still equipped with Halloween masks and all that sexy violence. A co-op focused love story (not really true) featuring two super-male soldiers who learn the only thing they can count on is one another (true, but less girly and with more explosions and death), Chapters of Deceit finds our two-man firing squad plowing a bullet-ridden path through Shanghai.
After some action-packed super-secret spy hijinks, you slink back to your Rome safehouse. Are you in for a roll in the sack, or a taser to the chest? Depends on decisions you made hours ago, so you can’t simply reload your save until you’re knocking boots. Welcome to Alpha Protocol, the spy thriller RPG that features not only branching endings, but branching middles.
Aliens are really good at punching holes in foreheads, dribbling and killing Bill Paxton. Predators are downright awesome at having mouths that look like women's unmentionables, killing stuff with spears and getting their asses owned by Danny Glover. We all know this. But what you might not know, is both amoral alien species can also bust a serious move on the dance floor... well, if you dress your PS Home avatar up in one of the newly
Alan Wake has been in development for over six years. To give you an idea of how long ago this is, in 2004 GTA: San Andreas had only just come out. The 360 and PS3 were still apples in their respective R&D departments' eyes. The PSP was only in its infancy. MySpace was bigger than Facebook. Twitter didn't exist. Lady Gaga was a nobody.
I'm sure you've felt that sense of elitism when you discover an artist or song that nobody else knows about. You might listen to it yourself in headphones and feel smug, or become *that* guy who tells everyone you meet how they have to listen to this amazing new thing. Sound familiar?
What joy then, when your favourite videogame throws up an unexpected audio treat. One's come up recently in Mario Kart 64. Someone must've left the
Assassin's Creed II could learn a thing or two from these.