Like comic books and movies, videogames tend to present an exaggerated representation of men and women. Dudes are typically muscle-bound meatheads with powerful jaw lines and a thorough understanding of all forms of combat, while women generally have back-breaking chests and dress like strippers regardless of their profession.
Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Sometimes, our imaginations are enough. Sometimes, ignorance really, really is bliss.
Remember Darth Vader? He used to be the epitome of evil, the most recognizable symbol of scum and villainy in cinematic history. Then we saw the prequels and learned the awful, retconned truth: “Annie” liked to build toy robots, wear pageboy haircuts, yell cutesy catchphrases and hit on his babysitters.
We hate to sound like cranky ass gamers incapable of embracing “The New,” but we’re just about ready to tell motion controls to f**k off. That initial ocean of vast futuristic potential, promising to turn our entire bodies into dignified instruments of control, has officially run completely dry.
If you were to look at the PlayStation Network a few years ago and compare it to its competitors, there wouldn't be very much to say. “It's free” was usually the best argument you could offer. With time, however, Sony's online gaming network has come into its own, adding in features and content that have helped to make it – if not exactly a match for the likes of Xbox Live – at least a worthy contender.
There are several sure-fire ways to check for heroic DNA in a video game character. An addiction to wearing tank tops (the more torn the better). Crew cuts so kempt you could grate cheese on their craniums. But the one thing sewn into the heart of every true hero’s genetic makeup is an unwavering talent for saving the girl.
Above: Not a hero (we’re assuming the racoon’s a chick)
Sure, it might be a bit sexist,
We’ve played the game and, already, we’ve felt the fear.
Yes, BioShock 2 has new guns, new powers, new tools and new multiplayer. For the first time, you can shoot rivets or drill through enemy flesh as a Big Daddy, control turret guns from across the room with remote hacking darts, combine plasmids for electrified tornado death traps and go head-to-head with friends in a raging online Splicer War.
Borderlands is pretty awesome. Don’t believe us? Then why not read why you should fork out for it in our Super Review. Adverse to the idea of having to shell out actual human coinage for a game? Then, rejoice. Because we’ve got copies of the game to give away, along with a super sexy PS3 Slim and Borderlands-branded t-shirts and caps.
Above: Sadly, the girl doesn't come with the Borderlands' threads
THE INFO BOX
Post date: October 23, 2009
T-Dar 74 length: 2:19:46
Intro song by: Anamanaguchi
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Death and video games go together like a big heart attack-baiting burger and an extra five slices of cheddar. But just because they’re the best of mates, it doesn’t mean certain characters should go looking for the Grim Reaper through their own reckless actions. Sadly, that’s exactly want the following group of death-wishers all do. And whether it’s through their own stupidity, being huge wimps or just dying in embarrassing fashion, these guys
There’s a widespread notion in the videogame industry that game reviews can have a profound impact on game sales, and for the most part the evidence bears that out. But as tempting as it is to gloat about the supposed power that we, the videogame press, hold over the livelihoods of publishers and developers, it’s not always true. In fact, history is littered with countless examples of megahit games that had originally been ripped to shreds by reviewers