When the Puritans began settling down in North America during the early 17th century, they didn’t practice cosplay. Those were dark days - dark, costume-less days, filled with famine, toil, and a depressingly short supply of free candy. It would take nearly 200 years for Americans and Canadians to finally embrace Halloween as a mainstream event - and it was mostly thanks to a flood of Irish and Scottish immigrants in the late 19th century.
I’m not a miserable sexist ass; I’m just a practical observer. One thing I’ve observed is that men and women are different (I figured that one out pretty early on). Since I’m a rational person, I’m aware that nothing is entirely one way or another. Even the divide between life and death is ambiguous (uh, zombies, amirite?).
Games are complicated these days. Plotlines are deep and branching. Worlds are open to explore, and to change. Major characters are expendable. Side quests are optional, dialogue trees are intricate and endings are multiple. We are the authors of our own digital experiences. Which sounds pretty great, until you reach one of those choices that you just know will affect the rest of the game.
The Topics
Top 7… gut-wrenching choices – or, as Charlie admits, the Top 7… decisions.
Motion controls are coming to Xbox 360 – first avatars, now motion silliness. Could a handheld MicroBoy be far behind?
Punch-Out!! exclusive boxer reveals – see, GamesRadar gets cool exclusives too.
More shitty Spider-Man audio – from the Sega CD game we vow to reference once every four podcasts.
And more!!!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen of gaming, we’re facing something of a crisis. An entire generation of standout games is becoming more and more lost to time. They’re drifting away partly because they’re old and haven’t had a moment in the spotlight for years, but more importantly, they’re aging like fine vintage vomit, and are probably so confusingly ugly they’re preventing a whole heap o’ first timers from even giving them a try.
Normally, we’ve got no problem with video game villians. Sure, they nick our bustiest wenches, salute digital democracy with a middle finger, and are inconsiderate enough to make us waste valuable bullets shooting them during a recession. Thing is, they’re always upfront about being assholes, which makes the shit they pull almost endearingly evil. What really gets on our teets, though, are those deceitful dastards who pretend to
Last year, we ran a feature where we turned popular videogames into chocolate bars. The comments on that feature were so choc-full of great ideas, we thought we'd revisit it and give them the same treatment. We've given each contributor a shout-out, so you can tell them how witty and clever you think they are.
And so to the chocolate - which one would you eat first?
Above: Suggested by
Personal ads and amorous pleas from computerised Casanovas.
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