Ah, noobs. With their awkward fingers and stupid questions, it's a wonder we ever let them near our joypads at all. It's nice to get someone started in gaming, but it's so hard to witness utter incompetence at your favourite games.
But instead of yelling, snatching the pad and showing them how it should be done, why not sit back, make encouraging noises and tick off each entry in our list of classic rookie mistakes
Long before we had stacks of plastic guitars and enough withered dance mats to blanket all of San Francisco’s homeless, Nintendo was dropping superfluous add-ons at an alarming rate. And each time they shoved a new one out there, we lapped it up like a delicious treat, fully expecting longtime support for this latest and surely greatest peripheral.
Just because a game gets rated 'Mature' doesn't mean it's going to be grown up and serious and any better than something deemed suitable for younger gamers. However, chances are it is probably going to be more fun, simply because it'll have more violence, more sexy, more swearing, more alcohol. And all of those things, as any responsible adult will tell you, are the main ingredients for a good time. In our opinion, the following games could
You know the only real problem with downloadable content? It’s typically designed by the same people who made the original game. That’s boring. Why not give other folks, who don’t necessarily worry about whether something is “a good idea” or “sensible” or “legal,” a shot? Sure our ideas might be a little unusual at times, and a couple of them could conceivably land someone in jail.
It’s not easy being a horse, especially a diabetic horse who loves sugar cubes and games. As a proud member of the Equidae family, I don’t give a damn about the new protagonist in Assassin’s Creed II or the stupid non-animal flying device he’ll pilot. I just want to know if Ezio will be riding a freaking horse through the Tuscan countryside. Will he get to mount a Salerno, or perhaps a San Fratello?
“The Sith is an action-point class. Do you play many MMO games?”
“So he plays a bit like the rogu... oh, you’ve got it.”
At that point, with the help of BioWare’s Rich Vogel, we’re knee deep in Republic corpses, taking down wave after wave of plastic-clad troopers.
Quote of the week: “You haven’t paid attention to him since you were a kid, but it still rips something out of the back of your memory and holds it in front of your face so you can see how black it is before you die."
Contributors: Chris Antista, Charlie Barratt, Brett Elston, Matthew Keast, Shane Patterson, Mikel Reparaz
Hundreds of games are released every year, then played and forgotten by the next. Only a dozen or so will be remembered a decade from now, and only a few of those will have any lasting impact on the medium as a whole.
Which upcoming titles stand the best chance of leaving that meaningful mark?
Ever wondered what it would be like to have video game characters in your Pokemon party? Why choose boring old Bulbasaur when you can choose a beautiful Kasumi? Or a level 50 Sackboy?
We've given 21 game characters the Pokemon treatment, with four moves to choose from and some evolutionary states too.
Who would you choose?
Rule 1: Over exuberant button bashing: it’s the law – As portrayed by Adam Sandler in Reign Over Me
If you want to really convince your audience you’re a hardcore gamer raised on the likes on Pong and…erm, that one with the aliens, you’ve got to hammer those buttons. Hard. Watch below as America’s least comedic comedy actor displays the technique admirably during Shadow of the