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9 reasons why video games are better than Christmas

Video games have got better characters

Video games have got ninjas, knights, elves, apes, demons, demon killers, space marines, cops, rookie cops, bad cops, dog cops, special agents, robots, psychotic AI, skeletons, scientists, mutants, big dudes in diving suits, dudes that can shift time, dudes with big swords, dudes with crowbars, dudes that can shoryuken the shit out of cars, dudes that are like Indiana Jones, dudes that hide in boxes, dudes with wings, dudes in space suits, chicks in space suits, chicks in bikinis, chicks with magic hair, chicks that are repeatedly kidnapped by a turtle, chicks who help dudes with crowbars, chicks that can run up buildings, chicks that are like Indiana Jones...

Christmas has got a fat old dude in a red suit.


Because video games don't make us feel really bad about ourselves

Moral choices. In games it's a simple case of deciding whether you want to be good or bad. And even if you decide to do something properly shitty, like blow up an orphanage or set fire to a donkey sanctuary, you're not really going to lose any sleep over it. Because it's just pretend. It's a game. It doesn't matter

But Christmas constantly presents moral choices that can make you feel really terrible about yourself. Example. You have promised your dear old grandma that you'll visit her on Christmas Day. She lives in a tiny flat with nothing to keep her company but a poorly maintained electric fire. Christmas Day comes and goes and you choose not to keep your promise because you've got too many new games to play and dry roasted peanuts to stuff in your face and beer to get drunk on or whatever. You don't even bother phoning to wish her a Merry Christmas because she can't hear too good and you never really have much to say to her anyway. She dies on Boxing Day and you feel guilty for the rest of your life.

Video games won't ever make you feel that bad.


Shopping in video games is a superior consumer experience

All the sparkly fairy lights in the world can't disguise the fact that Christmas shopping is an aimless shamble of human desperation and only slightly less miserable than getting trapped down a mine.

Above: This is pretty much exactly like Christmas shopping. The shovel represents hope

In comparison, the last time I went shopping in a video game, I bought a net for catching bugs from a man in a hot air balloon. It made me smile.


Christmas multiplayer is bearable because we only have to endure it once a year

Multiplayer at Christmas can be defined as something like carol singing on a crisp winter's evening or partaking in a round of Trivial Pursuits with a few glasses of sherry. It could even involve playing an actual video game with members of the family who - for the other 364 days of the year - never normally have any interest in video games whatsoever. Either way, whatever form Christmas multiplayer takes, thank the Lord of Christmastide that it only comes but once a year because participating in these activities for anything more than a day would be a bleak prospect indeed.

Above: Carol singing. Balls to that

In comparison, video game multiplayer is funsville 12 months of the year. This is mostly because it doesn't require us to be in close physical proximity of other human beings. Which is a massive advantage. Generally, though, the pursuits of video game multiplayer are more engaging, more visceral, more thrilling, more intelligent, more tactical, more intense and much more shooty than anything that happens when someone at Christmas utters those terrifying words that nobody apart from your mum ever wants to hear: "Let's play a game!"


Christmas cosplay is not as sexy

Christmas Cosplay:

Video game cosplay:

I have nothing else to add.

And that's me. If you can think of any more reasons why video games totally kicks Christmas' ass, please go wild in the comments. But as of now I'm officially on holiday. I'm done. All that's left to say is Merry Chrimbles to you all.

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45 comments

  • JHBorden - December 26, 2011 9:25 a.m.

    1000000 reasons why Video Games are > Hanukah > Ramadan and who wrote this article a jewish guy? Lol I'm not even remotley religious but substitute any other religious holiday as the lead in the title of the article like I did and see what happens. I encourage this site to do it to get the backlash from it and then go tell all those peeps to f off and have a merry chritmas!!!!(happy holidays my ass) ;)
  • nelsonsalazarii - December 25, 2011 10:26 p.m.

    I may be out of place here but I just need to voice my own opinion. 1st of all before start an argument make sure that you know who christmas is for, its not for Santa Clause nor the children of the world. It is a celebration of life! God's Birthday. The name itself says "Christ". Although technically no one knows God's Birthday but cmon its Christmas!
  • ThatFanInThePeacoat - December 24, 2011 10:56 a.m.

    Also, "Lolol-ing" is better than "Hoho-ing"
  • Hobogonigal - December 23, 2011 9:17 p.m.

    Well done Cundy, Merry Chrimbo to you as well. In Australia, the whole point about cold weather is reversed. The temperature starts to get roasting and we flee to the shopping centres for air conditioning. We just need to put a picture of Lylatwars' Sun level next to Uncharted for good measure.
  • Will.E 304 - December 23, 2011 8:29 p.m.

    I tend to leave video game poultry alone ever since i got carried away in Legend of Zelda: Ocarana of Time. Those cuccos sure did a number on me...
  • D0CCON - December 23, 2011 2:11 p.m.

    Shopping in videogames is also better since it lets you get richer. Go out into the wild, pick up some flowers, go to a store, and try selling them. See how well that works in comparison to the gold you can get in Skyrim from doing the same thing.
  • ItBurnsWhenIWii - December 23, 2011 1:37 p.m.

    Hooray for video games!
  • profile0000 - December 23, 2011 12:28 p.m.

    Fun read, and videogames don't require me to pay hundreds of dollars in airfare to get started, so there's that too.
  • RonnyLive19881 - December 23, 2011 10:08 a.m.

    Rofl, that was a bet to nerdy for me, I LOVE the Xmas season! Now to get serious... when are yall going to re-review Skyward Sword and give it the 10 it deserves? It was the best game this year besides maybe Ghost Trick and you only gave it a 9!!? WHY?!
  • RonnyLive19881 - December 23, 2011 10:09 a.m.

    *bit
  • Bonefox - December 23, 2011 2:16 p.m.

    What the hell is ghost trick?
  • UberNoob - December 23, 2011 6:58 p.m.

    It's a DS game I believe. About a guy who wakes up and realizes he is dead/was murdered, and that's all I really know.
  • Will.E 304 - December 23, 2011 8:36 p.m.

    A game that GR has been shoehorning into many articles for sometime now. All joking aside, the game is actually pretty good
  • RonnyLive19881 - December 24, 2011 6:58 a.m.

    It really is a great game, best story of the year easily. I'm hoping to see more games like Ghost Trick!
  • aommkk - December 23, 2011 9:26 a.m.

    http://url7。me/kVh4
  • Dadyo238 - December 23, 2011 9:01 a.m.

    Also, is that EVA from MGS3 in the cosplay pic?
  • bamb0o-stick - December 23, 2011 10:07 a.m.

    Yes. Definitely. The guns were a dead giveaway. I mean gun.
  • Dadyo238 - February 1, 2012 3:32 p.m.

    Lol

Showing 1-20 of 45 comments

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