Red Dead Redemption
Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s got one of the most cringe-worthy and graphic hump-athons we’ve seen in a game for ages. Our total bad. Must have slipped our minds. Alright, so Abraham Reyes’ kitchen sexual siesta is about as pleasant as having salsa poured into your peepers, but you can’t argue its of vital importance to the stor… Ok, so it’s been completely crowbarred in for no apparent reason. You tell us you weren’t gagging to see a fat Mexican maid been given what for, though.
Above: Murdering majestic bald eagles is one thing. But watching two people engage in the act of love making? Now that really is too much
Outlaw Golf 2
Good old golf. Is there anything more dignified that sinking a 50 foot eagle putt as you strike a dignified, hunched pose in a burgundy V-neck? While we consider ourselves knowledgeable enough about golf to know our pars from our bogies, we must have missed the bit where the rules say it’s fine to be caddied by a 20 stone gimp.
Apparently, having greens filled with tanks and one that’s shaped like the shitting Death Star trench ain’t enough to keep gaming golf enthusiasts entertained. No, they seemingly need to see a dominatrix indulge in a bit of S&M with a leather-clad freak every time she holes a put.
Now we know one of the below is about golf…
We’re just not sure which.
And they say romance is dead. Or, in this case, necrophilia. How can we write about games that needlessly shunted in a bit of monkey lovin’ without paying respect to the Holy Grail of forced virtual sex shenanigans? In case you missed it first time round, the spiritual predecessor to Heavy Rain has a scene where the two main characters do it on a freezing train.
Oh, and the dude is technically a zombie.
Still, at least David Cage learned his lesson about shoving in totally pointless, awkward sex scenes when it came time to make Heavy Rain…
Yeah, we’ll just be shut up now.
Aug 10, 2010
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