8 of the lamest game endings ever

How we wanted it to end

We weren’t exactly gripped by all the quasi conspiratorial drivel surrounding Project Icarus and most of the game’s other failed plot mechanics. Still, we’d have liked to have seen a glimpse of the society Faith helps liberate – where there’s no restriction on the flow of information – before the credits rolled. Better yet, though, the freerunner would have spared us a bottle of aspirin after 6 motion sickness-baiting hours of gameplay.

How it actually ends

Faith saves her sister in the most anticlimactic non boss fight in recent memory, before the game ends on a lazy, generic panning shot of the city. Yippee.

How we wanted it to end

A personal apology from the Chief for abandoning us for half of his game and leaving us with the miserable Arbiter. Thankfully, nothing says sorry like a nice box of chocolates and the decapitation of a second, unwanted playable character.

How it actually ends

You know, we don’t hate the ending to the Chief’s second game as much as most people out in the land of the internets. But that’s probably because we can just fire up the third game immediately after finishing Halo 2 now. And yes, we agree, ending the game on a cliff-hanger with the line ‘finishing this fight’ is the ultimate tease.

How we wanted it to end

With the revelation that the Agency narrator has actually been manipulating you all along, and is in fact evil incarnate, we’d have liked to end Crackdown with a heaping plate of vengeance. Said narrator eating a face full of steaming, bullet-riddled death would have been just the ticket.

How it actually ends

The narrator laughs a bit and thanks you for doing all his dirty work. The end. OK, it’s a bit cheap, but we’ll get our revenge on the dastard in the sequel. What’s that? There’s never going to be one, you say? Oh.

How we wanted it to end

Well, an ending with the merest sliver of personality would have been fine by us. In a twist from the normal patriotic ‘best of the best of the best’ military guff we have to put up with, it would have been great to see the Ghost Recon unit abandon their mission. Then, preferably, hit up some cards, cocktails and loose women by commemorating their cowardice with a wild weekend in Vegas.

How it actually ends

With a vintage Tom Clancy downer, that’s what. All mind-numbing, vague political waffle, zero character resolution and an army guy commending you on a job well done. Take long to come up with that, Tommy boy?

Apr 6, 2009

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