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8 of the lamest game endings ever

How we wanted it to end

We weren’t exactly gripped by all the quasi conspiratorial drivel surrounding Project Icarus and most of the game’s other failed plot mechanics. Still, we’d have liked to have seen a glimpse of the society Faith helps liberate – where there’s no restriction on the flow of information – before the credits rolled. Better yet, though, the freerunner would have spared us a bottle of aspirin after 6 motion sickness-baiting hours of gameplay.

How it actually ends

Faith saves her sister in the most anticlimactic non boss fight in recent memory, before the game ends on a lazy, generic panning shot of the city. Yippee.

How we wanted it to end

A personal apology from the Chief for abandoning us for half of his game and leaving us with the miserable Arbiter. Thankfully, nothing says sorry like a nice box of chocolates and the decapitation of a second, unwanted playable character.

How it actually ends

You know, we don’t hate the ending to the Chief’s second game as much as most people out in the land of the internets. But that’s probably because we can just fire up the third game immediately after finishing Halo 2 now. And yes, we agree, ending the game on a cliff-hanger with the line ‘finishing this fight’ is the ultimate tease.

How we wanted it to end

With the revelation that the Agency narrator has actually been manipulating you all along, and is in fact evil incarnate, we’d have liked to end Crackdown with a heaping plate of vengeance. Said narrator eating a face full of steaming, bullet-riddled death would have been just the ticket.

How it actually ends

The narrator laughs a bit and thanks you for doing all his dirty work. The end. OK, it’s a bit cheap, but we’ll get our revenge on the dastard in the sequel. What’s that? There’s never going to be one, you say? Oh.

How we wanted it to end

Well, an ending with the merest sliver of personality would have been fine by us. In a twist from the normal patriotic ‘best of the best of the best’ military guff we have to put up with, it would have been great to see the Ghost Recon unit abandon their mission. Then, preferably, hit up some cards, cocktails and loose women by commemorating their cowardice with a wild weekend in Vegas.

How it actually ends

With a vintage Tom Clancy downer, that’s what. All mind-numbing, vague political waffle, zero character resolution and an army guy commending you on a job well done. Take long to come up with that, Tommy boy?

Apr 6, 2009



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69 comments

  • Zowiegirl - June 5, 2010 5:51 a.m.

    no way. Mirror's edge had one of the best endings for me. you are so stupid for not appreciating happy endings. you suck!
  • ryno - April 28, 2009 5:41 p.m.

    i loved mirrors edges ending
  • ShtKkr - April 14, 2009 5:09 a.m.

    Noobeater-- I Totaly agree how come there was no way for me to get out of there being the good guy while if I was a dick I lived.... just seems wrong and there were more then enough ways for me to get out of that alive.... I think lol however I think im gonna have to say that fable 2 pretty much pissed me off.... my dog was never brought back.... I had to play it through all over again just so I could have my dog...
  • oreomonkey - April 11, 2009 2:25 a.m.

    RE5 sucks, i tried the demo and I just love being able to stand still while I shoot, and walk & run like a crippled, 90 year old man
  • Silentboy - April 10, 2009 2:20 a.m.

    Oddly enough, I gotta say World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade has a lame ending. After you kill Illidan, BOOM!, you have 1/60 of a chance to get warglaives, if you can even use it. Plus after you kill him and talk to some NPC's, they act like he's still alive... Definately a contender for a WTF ending as well.
  • d0x - April 9, 2009 7:14 p.m.

    "dead rising did suck p.s FIRST" You either dont own an Xbox 360 and are jealous but could never admit it out loud or you have ZERO taste in games. Dead Rising was and still is an excellent game. It just has a crap ending.
  • macleod2024 - April 9, 2009 7:11 p.m.

    Why isnt Knights Of The Old Republic 2 jedi ending on here? I quote "what where you expecting? Some big secret?" Umm yes, I just wasted 18 hours of my life on this excuse of a sequel, something would be nice!!
  • cookanator - April 9, 2009 10:51 a.m.

    deadrising probabbly didnt let frank escape so it would be eaier for them to make the sequel
  • darkside17 - April 9, 2009 12:08 a.m.

    spider-man 3 was funwhen you got to use the venom suit but afterwards it sucks
  • linkganon - April 8, 2009 10:20 p.m.

    when i rented spider man 3, i got bored of it in 2 or even 1 day. its too easy and is pointless to finish after defeating sandman and venom. also. i agree, wheres harry and peter's brotherly love (when not actually brothers) sequence? they had that on the movie but not on the game.
  • d3athfr0mab0ve - April 8, 2009 2:45 p.m.

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. dead rising SHHHHIIITTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
  • jar-head - April 8, 2009 4:16 a.m.

    hmmmmm i wonder how halo ODST will end
  • pogo - April 8, 2009 12:24 a.m.

    I DEFINATELY AGREE WITH DEAD RISING AND THE CRACKDOWN ENDING
  • Skykid - April 7, 2009 9:10 p.m.

    What about Ace Combat 6 ?! All you get for saving a god forsaken country is seeing your wing man on a f---ing wheelchair, talking about his new life?! They clould have at least shown your character in full view at the end talking to him. I was serously ripped off at the end.
  • 5emtio4yra - April 7, 2009 1:14 p.m.

    THERE'S IS TOO GONNA BE A SEQUEL FOR CRACKDOWN!! THERE'S EVEN PICTURES!!
  • Neoid - April 7, 2009 7:11 a.m.

    I didn't enjoy halo two's ending at all. It just left you grasping at the expectation of a next game. Fallout 3's ending was ok.... I guess but not as good as FF:Crisis Core.
  • Finklemeyer - April 7, 2009 5:45 a.m.

    what pissed me off about fallout three was that even though i was evil, i didnt do the evil FEV virus thing AND i sacrificed myself but the ending was still all like "even though you did the right thing, your still an evil bitch and im gonna talk shit about you instead of give you closure"
  • Sonneilon - April 7, 2009 5:30 a.m.

    THAT was it? What about HotShotsGolfOpenTee2 or NFS Undercover? Even NFS MostWanted was all that! AT least Dynasty Warriors still has swell enders to the various charaters' musou modes!
  • Neurotoxin - April 7, 2009 3:45 a.m.

    Correction: There are six endings to Dead Rising. In the best ending, Frank and Isabela defeat Brock and escape through a cave, alive and fine. In the second-best ending, the U.S. is overrun by zombies but Frank and a few people in the crew escape in the helicopter with the rest of the survivors. Mirror's Edge was an incredibly poor excuse for a story. They could have done so much with the "utopia" thread. I was expecting Bioshock in reverse (it actually worked) but instead got some lame-o canned story about separated siblings. Just addressing how fervently people living in this utopia with thousands of skyscrapers would've reacted to someone threatening to destroy it would've made for an interesting plot. Nothing is worse than a game purposely leaving a huge plot hole only to have no sequel worked out. I think developers should never do that unless they already have the sequel half-finished.
  • jballboy88 - April 7, 2009 2:59 a.m.

    what about resistance: fall of man? after beating a long campaign, u expect something awesome to happen now that u defeated the chimera in europe... or did u? u just get picked up by these random dudes. yay? and u didnt even win europe anyway (it is revealed in game 2)

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