8 characters you would never trust with your kids

Detective Isaac Washington

American parents love to pretend that their innocent little darlings have never heard of curse words, let alone learned the very best ones from mommy and daddy. Despite the fact that it's naive and stupid to believing that kids don't know how to swear, even we would think twice before exposing our offspring to the portal of profanity that is Isaac Washington's mouth. It's acceptable when he's blasting zombies in the face during House of the Dead: Overkill, but let's not start effing n' jeffing in front of the sprogs, eh?

This angry young detective is so impressively coarse that he actually manages to fit more F-bombs into a sentence than he does regular, PG-rated words. His indecent vulgarity approached Olympic levels, and for that he must most certainly be congratulated, if not paid outright homage. Even so, we'd prefer it if our little'un didn't hear the F-word so much that it becomes almost as banal an exclamation as "Oh my!"

If only Washington could replace the naughty words with "Zounds!" Nobody says zounds anymore.

The Origami Killer

He's got plenty of experience working with kids, he's dedicated, he's resourceful and his ability to fold paper into smart little animals would surely be a great way to win over the tots. There's just something about the guy we can't entirely trust. We can't put our fingers on it, but something tells us that he may not be trustworthy.

That said, he does have excellent references, and he seemed to do a great job with Martha's kid. Apparently, little Billy hasn't made so much as a peep since this guy looked after him.

What the hell? HIRED!

Apr 16, 2010

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  • michaelmcc827 - April 16, 2010 7:52 p.m.

    BY JIM STERLING??? Ew, gross!
  • TizzleSniper - April 16, 2010 7:53 p.m.

    lol, the diglit one was so awesome
  • lava_lamp - April 16, 2010 7:53 p.m.

    Wait, what? This article says it was written by a Jim Sterling. 0_o
  • Hexar - April 16, 2010 7:53 p.m.

    I enjoyed the direction you went with Sephiroth. The gender bending issue however would keep the kids occupied. Oh and: Baraka .... wins....
  • OnyxOblivion - April 16, 2010 7:54 p.m.

    Kratos would be a great babysitter! Sure, the baby would be dead, and the house would be a wreck...But you could pay him in imaginary red orbs!
  • lava_lamp - April 16, 2010 7:57 p.m.

    Awe, after reading it I can deffiantly say it wasn't written by Jim Sterling :( That would've been sweet if GR hired him.
  • litrock - April 16, 2010 7:59 p.m.

    Jim Sterling? God, that is the best thing ever. The most hilarious games troll with the most hilarious games site? That is the apocalypse of awesome.
  • EricBratcher - April 16, 2010 8 p.m.

    Surprise! In addition to his existing duties elsewhere, THE Jim Sterling has agreed to grace GR with some of his own personal brand of "isn't there medication for this?" insanity. Bask in it, people. This guy knows how to punch a yak. Oh, wait - that's a different article. Stay tuned.
  • QWERTYCommander - April 16, 2010 8:02 p.m.

    Also, Diglett would leave a lot of holes in the floor.
  • 510BrotherPanda - April 16, 2010 8:03 p.m. Is this why Diglett would be an unsuitable baby sister? Accidental R-Ape?
  • Wikipares - April 16, 2010 8:04 p.m.

    Jim Sterling? On Games Radar? Dear God. My head may explode from the awesome.
  • Felixthecat - April 16, 2010 8:09 p.m.

  • DoubleJ - April 16, 2010 8:19 p.m.

    How could you not include to add the Noid from "Yo! Noid"? He did very bad things to me when I was a child.
  • DoubleJ - April 16, 2010 8:21 p.m.

    Also, credit to the great Jim Sterling for me even signing up here to leave a comment on this article. Looking forward to seeing more from him here, and elsewhere.
  • Ramijiman - April 16, 2010 8:40 p.m.

    tingle creeps me the hell out!!!
  • JackSkellingtonsSkin - April 16, 2010 9:29 p.m.

    Wait the Origami Killer may have some murderous tendancies but they proved themself of being able to care for children who are not in the 10-12 male bracket. I would gladly thrust my kids with the Origami Killer anyday.
  • dalenorth - April 16, 2010 9:32 p.m.

    Who is Jim Sterling?
  • jesusfrk15 - April 16, 2010 10:38 p.m.

    if sephiroth were to raise a child, he would probobly corrode it's little mind
  • Cyberninja - April 16, 2010 10:43 p.m.

    i would let diglett watch my nepfews any day if a burgler came in it would use a rock slide to crush them
  • RebornKusabi - April 16, 2010 10:45 p.m.

    Holy ****! Jim Sterling?! That's seriously awesome! I haven't even read the article, just saw the name... thought "wait WHAT" and read the comments to see if my brain wasn't ****ing up lol

Showing 1-20 of 58 comments

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