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8 characters you would never trust with your kids

Detective Isaac Washington


American parents love to pretend that their innocent little darlings have never heard of curse words, let alone learned the very best ones from mommy and daddy. Despite the fact that it's naive and stupid to believing that kids don't know how to swear, even we would think twice before exposing our offspring to the portal of profanity that is Isaac Washington's mouth. It's acceptable when he's blasting zombies in the face during House of the Dead: Overkill, but let's not start effing n' jeffing in front of the sprogs, eh?

This angry young detective is so impressively coarse that he actually manages to fit more F-bombs into a sentence than he does regular, PG-rated words. His indecent vulgarity approached Olympic levels, and for that he must most certainly be congratulated, if not paid outright homage. Even so, we'd prefer it if our little'un didn't hear the F-word so much that it becomes almost as banal an exclamation as "Oh my!"

If only Washington could replace the naughty words with "Zounds!" Nobody says zounds anymore.


The Origami Killer


He's got plenty of experience working with kids, he's dedicated, he's resourceful and his ability to fold paper into smart little animals would surely be a great way to win over the tots. There's just something about the guy we can't entirely trust. We can't put our fingers on it, but something tells us that he may not be trustworthy.

That said, he does have excellent references, and he seemed to do a great job with Martha's kid. Apparently, little Billy hasn't made so much as a peep since this guy looked after him.

What the hell? HIRED!

Apr 16, 2010



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58 comments

  • kangaroocory - November 20, 2010 2:26 a.m.

    What's the origami killer from? I don't get it.
  • Millikin - September 7, 2010 1:32 p.m.

    You forgot Voldo from Soul Calibur. He has the scouts symbol on his crotch.
  • HeavyTank - April 22, 2010 1:35 a.m.

    ...knowing everything about Sonic makes you cool now?Guh-reat. (TO EVERYONE WHO MIGHT TROLL ME, I'M JOKING)
  • SumthingStupid - April 20, 2010 11:21 a.m.

    What about the clown from twisted metal?
  • g4m3rk1dd - April 19, 2010 2:31 p.m.

    now do a article explaining the top 7 that you want them around :|
  • Alfredhitchshot23 - April 19, 2010 2:41 a.m.

    F**K Tingle!!!!!
  • jakery22 - April 18, 2010 2:06 p.m.

    I would definitely trust Kratos with my Children. :P. I mean who would seriously try and do anything with him there. :L. No idea who jim sterling is (so i pretty much fail there)But from this article and what everything everyone says about him he must be epic. :L.
  • BluePikmin - April 18, 2010 11:47 a.m.

    I'd say two diglets per child would work
  • coolbeans - April 18, 2010 3:49 a.m.

    in the waluigi u said wario instead of waluigi...
  • lovinmyps3 - April 17, 2010 10:41 p.m.

    The Origami Killer entry was pretty damn funny. "We can't put our fingers on it, but something tells us that he may not be trustworthy." Ha! =D
  • DriveShaft - April 17, 2010 9:59 p.m.

    *shudders* WaLuigi...
  • Felixthecat - April 17, 2010 9:06 p.m.

    @HeavyTank & everyone asking who Jim Sterling is Mr Sterling is an awesome jarnalist with awesome jarnalistic skill's. He is also very funny and cool and I love him. In an actual explanation, he's a writer for Destructoid who used to live in the UK and moved to US. He know's everything about Sonic.
  • sleepy92ismypsn - April 17, 2010 8:49 p.m.

    i have got to play heavy rain.
  • Clovin64 - April 17, 2010 8:20 p.m.

    Sephy would be the best babysitter ever! Kratos would probably be a bad influence though. I wouldn't be confortable leaving my kids alone with a very angry bald tattooed man who wears nothing but a loincloth and a frown.
  • SausageLozenge - April 17, 2010 8:04 p.m.

    Gamesradar has gone too far this time! What give them the write to tell me who I can and can't let watch my kids. Don't tell me how to raise my kids! I don't tell you how to review games! oh wait...
  • linkganon - April 17, 2010 7:39 p.m.

    here's an obvious one, how about one of those soldiers from the metal gear universe. here's why, they'd be stupid and would be unable to watch them as somebody would sneak in easily and snatch the kid when they are not looking. next, colonel volgin is an obvious one because he hates capitalism, he might end up electrocuting your kids and act like nothing happened. and since sephiroth is on here, why not post raiden in his metal gear solid 2 skull suit. lol, not even a grown man (President Johnson) could determine his gender. last one i feel like mentioning is solidus because he'd kidnap and send your child to war, and your child would look a lot like raiden.
  • JimSterling - April 17, 2010 6:34 p.m.

    HeavyTank: Psst ... wrong Jim Sterling.
  • HeavyTank - April 17, 2010 6:05 p.m.

    Okay, who the hell is this Jim Sterling? I just read his Wikipedia entry, it isn't as impressive as to justify all these "OMFG EPIC" comments... "Jim Sterling is a television producer and writer. A native of Boulder, Colorado, Sterling moved to the West Coast in 1988 to attend Pepperdine University. After graduation, he worked at 20th Century Fox as production assistant. Later he acted, wrote and produced the independent film Gunplay (1994), a dark comedy which became a cult favorite through minimal German distribution. Sterling also wrote an article for the site GamesRadar."
  • EffinChrys - April 17, 2010 5:20 p.m.

    "Parents like to claim that videogames are destroying our nation's youth, but that doesn't stop them using the Wii, Xbox 360 and PS3 as surrogate babysitters so they can continue having unprotected sex and squirting out more little toads that they won't look after properly." All of our collective childhoods summed up in one drawn-out sentence of funny image-inducing words. (SQUIRTING) !
  • FartsOnMilk - April 17, 2010 4:39 p.m.

    Sw33t! Jim is a fine contribution to this website and hopefully sometime he will grace us with his precense on TalkRadar. Also if you don't know who Jim Sterling is goto Destructoid and you can read up on his articles and features as well (and I highly suggest that you do). Also, cocks.

Showing 1-20 of 58 comments

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