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8 awkward first dates with video game characters

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Date eight: Bayonetta (Bayonetta)
  

Quite aside from the fact that she had guns mounted on her shoes (which caused a hell of a problem with the cinema security), Bayonetta's clothing remains entirely constructed from impossibly long magically-animated hair, which looks sexy on camera but is almost entirely unworkable in practice.

"Would you like to see my Rosemary and Thyme?" she cooed, as the end credits of Blue Sapphire rolled down the screen.

I shot a steady stream of own-brand cola out of my mouth in shock, and gasped: "Excuse me?" Unsure how to continue. "Er, shall we have dinner now?"

After dinner she invited me back to hers for coffee; mid-way through an especially passionate embrace she shot me clean through the thigh with one of those stupid foot-guns. Hasn't brought me grapes in hospital because she's off 'killing a God,' which is a flimsy excuse in my opinion.

Probably for the best. I think I saw an iron maiden in her bedroom, and I'm not really into that kind of thing.

Topics

romance

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13 comments

  • rxb - October 22, 2013 7:05 a.m.

    Very funny. I'd take my chances with Bayonetta.
  • GoldenEagle1476 - October 21, 2013 3:21 p.m.

    Thank god you didn't go all the way with Citra.
  • mentalityljs - October 21, 2013 2:08 p.m.

    Good stuff! What about doing an article match-making the 'gamers we hate playing with' profiles with game characters. That could be fun.
  • Sjoeki - October 21, 2013 9:38 a.m.

    This is one of those reasons why this is one of the first sites I check when I get home, great job! Elizabeths date was pure magic! Would like to see a date with tali, with her taking apart the furniture or something so she could ship it back to the flotilla, where you have to help her with her emergency induction port as she is starting to get drunk, or that awkward moment where you give yourself a nosebleed as you hit into her helmet trying to go for a kiss.
  • bedelicious - October 21, 2013 8:59 a.m.

    No male characters? :(
  • GrantHowitt - October 21, 2013 4:06 p.m.

    Next time, I think, yeah. Wanna get me some of that Solid Snake action.
  • bedelicious - October 22, 2013 6:05 a.m.

    Nice :D
  • Y2Ken - October 21, 2013 8:51 a.m.

    Oh, and great article by the way. Funny stuff!
  • Y2Ken - October 21, 2013 8:50 a.m.

    ... Nope, I'd still want to go out with Bayonetta. Only other issue being that she's something like eight feet tall.
  • GR_RyanTaljonick - October 21, 2013 8 a.m.

    Lovely!
  • Mdgeist316 - October 21, 2013 6:35 a.m.

    I damn near spit out my coffee while reading this. Good job.
  • C.King - October 21, 2013 6:25 a.m.

    the tomb raider just skins for the sake of skinning? funky
  • Talvari - October 21, 2013 5:09 a.m.

    Awesome article xD

Showing 1-13 of 13 comments

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