8 awkward first dates with video game characters

Date six: The Redhead (Monaco)

"Who's this?" I asked. I was late--my train was delayed on the way in--and although I'd texted ahead to warn her, the Redhead seemed to be sitting at our table with a man in uniform mooning over her.

"This is my friend Constable Wilkinson," she purred, "he decided that, rather than punish little old me for robbing this bar"--she casually pointed at a dead bartender and an empty cash-register with a smoking pistol she held in one gloved hand--"that he'd rather have a drink with me instead. Isn't that right, Constable Wilkinson?"

The police officer stared at her in silence.

I carried on. "Um, I'm not really okay with this. He's got hearts spiralling off his head and everything."

"Tsk, you men are so jealous."

"It's not jealousy! It's... just common courtesy, that's all. I'm going to have to turn you in."

The Redhead shot him clean through the head.

"Are you still going to turn me in?"

"Yes, obviously! I mean, no! I mean, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen! Do you want me to steal anything for you?"

Date finished after robbing two off-licenses and an armoured car. Exciting! Am now in prison.

Next up... Nilin, from Remember Me




  • rxb - October 22, 2013 7:05 a.m.

    Very funny. I'd take my chances with Bayonetta.
  • GoldenEagle1476 - October 21, 2013 3:21 p.m.

    Thank god you didn't go all the way with Citra.
  • mentalityljs - October 21, 2013 2:08 p.m.

    Good stuff! What about doing an article match-making the 'gamers we hate playing with' profiles with game characters. That could be fun.
  • Sjoeki - October 21, 2013 9:38 a.m.

    This is one of those reasons why this is one of the first sites I check when I get home, great job! Elizabeths date was pure magic! Would like to see a date with tali, with her taking apart the furniture or something so she could ship it back to the flotilla, where you have to help her with her emergency induction port as she is starting to get drunk, or that awkward moment where you give yourself a nosebleed as you hit into her helmet trying to go for a kiss.
  • bedelicious - October 21, 2013 8:59 a.m.

    No male characters? :(
  • GrantHowitt - October 21, 2013 4:06 p.m.

    Next time, I think, yeah. Wanna get me some of that Solid Snake action.
  • bedelicious - October 22, 2013 6:05 a.m.

    Nice :D
  • Y2Ken - October 21, 2013 8:51 a.m.

    Oh, and great article by the way. Funny stuff!
  • Y2Ken - October 21, 2013 8:50 a.m.

    ... Nope, I'd still want to go out with Bayonetta. Only other issue being that she's something like eight feet tall.
  • GR_RyanTaljonick - October 21, 2013 8 a.m.

  • Mdgeist316 - October 21, 2013 6:35 a.m.

    I damn near spit out my coffee while reading this. Good job.
  • C.King - October 21, 2013 6:25 a.m.

    the tomb raider just skins for the sake of skinning? funky
  • Talvari - October 21, 2013 5:09 a.m.

    Awesome article xD

Showing 1-13 of 13 comments

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