8 awkward first dates with video game characters

Date five: Citra (Far Cry 3)

Citra had a great taste in leather miniskirts and a laissez-faire attitude towards the rest of her clothing, which I'm sure looked great in a tropical island paradise/dystopia but was a little out of place in mid-October London. She didn't seem to mind the cold, though.

We sat at a corner table in a Leicester Square cafe and talked about her difficult relationship with her ex-boyfriend for a while to fill in time, but it became apparent that the staff had forgotten about us entirely.

"Should I go up and say something?" I asked, peering round into the main room. She embedded a stone knife right in the centre of the table.

"TOO LONG you have asked for permission! You must TAKE what you want. That is the path of a true warrior."

"Righto. Shall I get us some menus, then?"

"The time for menus has PASSED. You must now catch and skin me a pig."

I didn't want to risk upsetting her by explaining that we were a long way away from the nearest pig, so I went to the bathroom to 'apply some more warpaint' and climbed out of the window, leaving her there.

Next up... The Redhead, from Monaco




  • rxb - October 22, 2013 7:05 a.m.

    Very funny. I'd take my chances with Bayonetta.
  • GoldenEagle1476 - October 21, 2013 3:21 p.m.

    Thank god you didn't go all the way with Citra.
  • mentalityljs - October 21, 2013 2:08 p.m.

    Good stuff! What about doing an article match-making the 'gamers we hate playing with' profiles with game characters. That could be fun.
  • Sjoeki - October 21, 2013 9:38 a.m.

    This is one of those reasons why this is one of the first sites I check when I get home, great job! Elizabeths date was pure magic! Would like to see a date with tali, with her taking apart the furniture or something so she could ship it back to the flotilla, where you have to help her with her emergency induction port as she is starting to get drunk, or that awkward moment where you give yourself a nosebleed as you hit into her helmet trying to go for a kiss.
  • bedelicious - October 21, 2013 8:59 a.m.

    No male characters? :(
  • GrantHowitt - October 21, 2013 4:06 p.m.

    Next time, I think, yeah. Wanna get me some of that Solid Snake action.
  • bedelicious - October 22, 2013 6:05 a.m.

    Nice :D
  • Y2Ken - October 21, 2013 8:51 a.m.

    Oh, and great article by the way. Funny stuff!
  • Y2Ken - October 21, 2013 8:50 a.m.

    ... Nope, I'd still want to go out with Bayonetta. Only other issue being that she's something like eight feet tall.
  • GR_RyanTaljonick - October 21, 2013 8 a.m.

  • Mdgeist316 - October 21, 2013 6:35 a.m.

    I damn near spit out my coffee while reading this. Good job.
  • C.King - October 21, 2013 6:25 a.m.

    the tomb raider just skins for the sake of skinning? funky
  • Talvari - October 21, 2013 5:09 a.m.

    Awesome article xD

Showing 1-13 of 13 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000