8 awkward first dates with video game characters

Date eight: Bayonetta (Bayonetta)  

Quite aside from the fact that she had guns mounted on her shoes (which caused a hell of a problem with the cinema security), Bayonetta's clothing remains entirely constructed from impossibly long magically-animated hair, which looks sexy on camera but is almost entirely unworkable in practice.

"Would you like to see my Rosemary and Thyme?" she cooed, as the end credits of Blue Sapphire rolled down the screen.

I shot a steady stream of own-brand cola out of my mouth in shock, and gasped: "Excuse me?" Unsure how to continue. "Er, shall we have dinner now?"

After dinner she invited me back to hers for coffee; mid-way through an especially passionate embrace she shot me clean through the thigh with one of those stupid foot-guns. Hasn't brought me grapes in hospital because she's off 'killing a God,' which is a flimsy excuse in my opinion.

Probably for the best. I think I saw an iron maiden in her bedroom, and I'm not really into that kind of thing.