2008 was a brilliant year for Summer blockbusters, but an awful year for Christmas flicks.
It's strange, because you can make a festival film out of annything. Just look at Die Hard.
To give Hollywood a few pointers for next year, totalfilm.com has gone back over the best summer movies of 2008 and "re-imagined" them, Christmas style.
1. The Dark Elf (2008)
A young Elf discovers that he’s not actually an Elf at all; he’s a despotic psychotic clown.
Clown Elf goes on a rampage, blowing up some other elves and permanently scarring half of Rudolph’s nose (uttering the immortal line: “Now your nose is
red!”) before Santa captures him using futuristic toy-making technology.
Sadly, Rudolph is killed, and Santa is forced to go on the run from the police. No-one is really sure why.
2. Iron Santa Man (2008)
: Drunk millionaire playboy Tony Stark has a crisis of confidence and decides to put his wealth to better use – by building an Iron Santa suit and flying around the world delivering presents to children and punches to terrorists.
3. Lapland Thunder (2008)
: A motley group of actors are tasked with shooting a Christmas movie in Lapland. But a jet-lag mix up means that they arrive on Christmas Eve and they don’t realise that they are shooting a Christmas film at Christmas! Hilarity ensues.
4. Wall-E The Red Nosed Robot (2008)
: Wall-E is the last robot on a desolate earth. But when he discovers an old VHS cassette of ‘Santa Claus: The Movie’ he decides to deliver presents of garbage to every cockroach on the planet, in one night. But for some reason he gets confused and thinks that Rudolph is the real star of the tale. Hilarity ensues.
5. What I Wanted For Christmas (2008)
: The Fraternity are an ancient guild of assassins who take Santa’s Naughty List to its logical extreme. If you’ve been good, you get your presents. If you’ve been bad, you get a bullet-time bullet to the back of the head.
6. Ebenezer Hancock (2008)
: Ebenezer Hancock is visited by the ghosts of three superheroes; one from the past (Superman), one from the present (Batman) and one from the future (Hancock 2); who try to convince him to stop drinking. He smacks them all on the head with a bottle of mulled wine, before flying to a photocopier factory, to make 6000 copies of his arse in 6 seconds.
7. Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Christmas Presents (2008)
: Indiana Jones and his son Shia LeBeouf go on an epic search for the Christmas presents Marion has hidden from them. Their search takes them to Peru, Timbuktu and Tatooine, but in the end they find them on the top of the wardrobe. Approximately ten thousand times more entertaining and satisfying than The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.