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7 Stupid Celebrity Injuries

 

Can vampires get injured in the bum?

Robert Pattinson reports that he strained his rear muscles while trying to lift Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart for the first time.

Which got us thinking: how many silly celebs have been injured in the line of duty, and what could they have done to avoid it?

The film: Twilight (2008)

The star: Robert Pattinson

The injury: Sexy hair? Check. Good looks? Check? Vampire strength? Not so much check.

“I got injured on the first shot of my first day on Twilight. I lifted Kristen and ripped my arse cheek.

I had to get a bum massage for the cheek."

How could it have been avoided? While we hate to suggest he’s a big weakling for not being able to lift Stewart’s lightweight body with ease, we’re not sure that sexy vampire image would have survived him having to wear a medical truss for the scene.

So perhaps he should have warmed upa little better. According to Bill Hartman at Men’s Health, he should avoid stretching immediately before exertion. “Stretch twice a day, every day. Any less frequently and you won't maintain your gains in flexibility - which is why most flexibility plans don't work. Twice a day may seem like a lot, but each "session" will require as little as 4 minutes of your time.”[Page-break]

 

The film: Die Another Day (2002)

The star: Halle Berry

The injury: Easily one of Hollywood’s most accident-prone thesps, Berry has had her arm broken on the set of Gothika, injured her eye when fragments of a smoke grenade lodged there while shooting Die Another Day and, on the same set… choked on fruit.

"She was gagging and waving her arms,” recalls Pierce Brosnan. “I banged her back, and put my arms around her to do the Heimlich, and somehow she expelled the fruit." Why 007, you do have a way with the women…

How could it have been avoided? eHow.com gives the following advice about not choking on your grub: “Take small bites. Cut food, especially meat, into small pieces. Be careful with especially dry foods, such as pretzels and bread.

Chew all food completely. Enzymes in your saliva help break down the food in advance, so that it goes down more easily. Bites should not cause difficulty in swallowing.”

As for the smoke grenade, we suggest safety goggles.[Page-break]

 

The film: P.S. I Love You (2007)

The star: Hilary Swank

The injury: You might think suspenders would be safe. But in the hands of Gerard Butler, they’re lethal weapons.

“His suspender clip had stretched about 10ft! The second I think it’s going to come off, it flies across the room and hits me in the forehead,” recalls Swank.

“I remember sitting there, just covering it and laughing and everybody’s standing around the bed. My make-up artist looked at it and made a face saying: ‘What are we going to do?’ I ended up getting stitches and I had a perfect suspender-clip mark on my forehead, with the little teeth in it.”

How could it have been avoided? Clothing goods company David Morgan sells Ergonomic Safety Suspenders with Velcro fastenings that should be a little safer.

“These suspenders are designed to take the load of a heavy work or tool belt off your hips. 2 inches wide, Super Tuff Stuff, 3 inch loops with Velcro closures to go over the belt. Recommended for police and others carrying equipment on leather belts, as well as for those using webbing belts.” Good for randy Spartans, too.[Page-break]

 

The film: Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008)

The star: Shia LaBeouf

The injury: Between getting into car scrapes and risking his life working with Michael Bay, LaBeouf has suddenly become an injury-magnet.

“This was the first movie I got injured. I pulled rotator cuff on my hip, which was not fun, and that was with me for three or four months after. We were doing a sword fight in the jungle and I did something I wasn’t supposed to do and it was very wet and everything was moving and I hurt myself.

“I had to do Electronic Stimulation Therapy where you strap a box to your leg and shock your muscle to where you couldn’t feel it any more. Every three hours you have to go back and do it again.”

How could it have been avoided? Sweatout.com offers the awesome sounding (but frankly pants – geddit? – looking) LYCRA® Power™ Performance Compression Thigh, Groin, & Hip Support Shorts. For those special areas.

After all, not listening to George Lucas or Steven Spielberg and staying away from the stupid chase scene probably wasn’t an option. When the beards say jump, you ask how high.[Page-break]

 

The film: The Four Feathers (2002)

The star: Michael Sheen

The injury: One of Britain’s true thesping treasures nearly came a cropper at the hooves of a moody, whinnying nag.

“Just as the director went, 'Action', a horse dug his hoof into my foot. It was the most painful thing I've ever felt. All I wanted to do was scream, but I couldn't mess up the shoot - every second of film cost thousands. When the director said, 'Cut', I had to be carried off set.”

What a trooper. Bet Wes Bentley would’ve screamed like a lady.

How could it have been avoided? The Chriska Stage School can rent you a panto horse for £40 for a week.

You’ll need a couple of willing extras to get inside, and make sure they can see where you are – you don’t need to risk another foot in the service of your craft.[Page-break]

 

The film: Along Came Polly (2004)

The star: Ben Stiller

The injury: You know the rule about never working with children or animals? It applies double to narky ferrets.

“I was bitten by the ferret. I didn't do anything, I swear. It was really weird. I'm holding the ferret and I also had just gotten a root canal the day before, so maybe it sensed that.

“I was holding it up and he did this crazy turn-around thing and he literally attached himself to my chin. And then he didn't let go. He was holding on to my chin. It was this surreal thing, where it's like, ‘Okay, the ferret's on my chin.’ Then I had to go and get a rabies shot.”

How could it have been avoided? AtoZ Vet Supply can sell you a handy dandy ferret muzzle. Perfectly safe for the most anxious of critters, and a lot easier than shelling out on medical treatment for delicately chinned superstars.

Plus if the camera angle doesn’t work out, you can always spend a few million dollars in CG to wipe the muzzle from each frame.[Page-break]

 

The film : A History Of Violence (2005)

The star: Viggo Mortensen (and Maria Bello)

The injury: In a film about brutality, it’s a wonder there weren’t more injuries on the set. Turns out the most dangerous place was on the stairs for an intense bout of hide the salami between the stars.

"I was covered from head to toe in black and blue and red bruises - Viggo too," cringes Bello. "His whole hip and his elbow was swollen. I bit the inside of his lip and it was swollen for, like, two days.” "We really committed to the scene and couldn't help but get physical. I was really in pain after that scene."

How could it have been avoided? We’re tempted to go with the ferret muzzle again for the both of them.

But sadly, there’s not much that could have been done given the intensity of the scene and what director David Cronenberg wanted to achieve. Plus rewriting the moment to take place in a beanbag chair really wouldn’t have had the same impact.

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