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6 Reasons why kids should play GTA

Old Friends
When I was a lad growing up in Florida, our fine state banned the sale and public consumption of 2 Live Crew’s "As Nasty As They Wanna Be" album. As archaic as that sounds, retailers were actually arrested for selling it and everyday citizens blaring it from their stereos were given citations for obscenity violations. And I think we can all look back on that kind of legislated censorship and realize how stupid it was, over something fairly harmless. Hey, at least we’ve come a long way since stoning heretic peasants and drowning witches.

It only recently came to my attention that the person behind this idiotic cultural blockade nearly twenty years ago was none other than Jack Thompson, arch-villain to free-thinking gamers everywhere. Not only was this his first (only?) semi-successful campaign against free expression, the surrounding controversy propelled the Crew’s album to #29 on the Billboard charts and made every ten-year-old boy knew lust after an album we would’ve otherwise never been aware of. Thanks to Thompson, my friends still know most of the words to Me So Horny.

An Extra Large Serving of Self
As is most often the case, a public cry for legislated censorship increases awareness, appeal and sales of the offending object -  among kids, especially. And when you add the internet into that inevitable equation, you’ve got a recipe for unregulated access for people of all ages. Surely, politicians, pundits and watchdogs have to be hip to the Web’s existence, and the old axiom: “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.” So, what drives a busybody into the Business of Ban if they know the end result is likely to be the proliferation of the very thing they desire to suppress?

Notoriety and personal gain, mostly. Jack Thompson would use his crusade against “filth” to jumpstart a political campaign, vying for position of Dade County State’s Attorney. He lost, in spite of renegade political maneuvers such as accusing his opponent, Janet Reno of battery for touching him and repeatedly alleging she was a lesbian. (Smooth, Jack.)

As a senator, Hillary Clinton rode the Hot Coffee controversy caravan into a Presidential election. Regardless of how uninformed, coming out against a game as prolific as GTA helped Clinton appear “tough on smut” while appealing to a more conservative demographic who would otherwise view her as too progressive. As is usually the case with calls for censorship, it’s not important for the person on the soapbox to know what they’re talking about as long as the people they’re appealing to know even less.

Out of Touch
Calling Hot Coffee “pornographic” did the biggest disservice to actual pornography. You think hard-working cockmasons like Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy want to be lumped in with the ugly, polygonal gyrations buried in San Andreas’s code? It was all an elaborate pageant to appeal to people who already hated Grand Theft Auto it on principle but would never play it.

Plus, they seemed to completely overlook the fact that anyone web savvy enough to uncover the once inaccessible sex mode, or even download a nude patch, has unfettered access to endless streams of explicit, high-res, beautiful, pornography.

13 comments

  • MarcoBaby - October 21, 2011 2:10 p.m.

    I Was Introduced To GTA3 By My Father. I Knew Nothing About The Series & I Fell In Love The Moment I Started Playing. Afterwards It Kinda Became MY Game Due To The Fact I Never Gave Him A Chance To Play Anymore.
  • RobotsRevFront - February 13, 2011 6:23 p.m.

    i was 8 and my dad let me go on gta sa and red dead redemption. Kids need gta :)
  • mrmorozov987 - February 1, 2011 11:35 p.m.

    While I would necessarily say that kids should play it, what with all the strip clubs and all, you're absolutely right in saying that the series is just as harmful to the brain as Tic-Tacs.
  • Forsakenday - August 23, 2010 11:50 p.m.

    @Slayer he's from Serbia.
  • Xplosive59 - August 23, 2010 8:41 p.m.

    the problem is is that parents only see in black and white (mostly) ussually if a game is said tobe bad by the news they automatically believe that this game is the work of satan, most parants dont even believe that videogames have story or even cut scenes let alone think about the morals that the game has set, if you do something bad prepare to pay for it is the rule in most games but parents just hear the news and believe that you can do this stuff in game without consequences because thats all it is to them a game like monopoly where you can create your way of getting through it without believing that there is something holding you back, but in videogames it is not ussually as simple as get from point A to point B and there will ussually be something pushing against you depending on what your actions have been, if you gun down a bunch of civilians with an Ak-47 on route to point B make sure to make a drastic detour of that route because of what you have done, because after all its the player not the game
  • humpiedumpie - August 23, 2010 8:06 p.m.

    Amen to that
  • Slayer11496 - August 23, 2010 12:35 p.m.

    if anything GTA4 says crime never pays.Who wants to grow up and have their girlfriend killed by the mob, constantly get chased by cops, and realize that they're screwed for life? PS does anyone know where Nikko's from?
  • MrQueenie - August 23, 2010 12:33 p.m.

    I started playing Star Wars: Jedi Outcast were you can cut off arms at 5. Doom 3 when I was 9... And Gears of War at 10:)
  • FNG - May 23, 2010 8:50 p.m.

    I am 13 and i just got Red Dead Redemption from my dad.
  • robloxpwner - March 30, 2010 12:33 p.m.

    Im a Kid And i played GTA SA And then My 62 year old dad said "Its Violent!Dont play it!' And my bratty 13 year old sister Beated me up But still until today I keep thinking of the game and i wish to download it
  • AnonymouZ - February 12, 2010 10:44 p.m.

    oh hell no. as soon as i was getting a blowjob from a hooker i thought: goddamnit... there's a kid who's way younger than me who is actually watching this thing... it kinda soured the game for me for a while... till i realized... hey, i'm getting Niko a blowjob... AWESOME! xD
  • ecoman - December 9, 2008 9:27 p.m.

    with supervision of course.
  • newoleans1 - November 28, 2008 11:39 p.m.

    ha i know kids need to play GTA

Showing 1-13 of 13 comments

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