6 game heroes who are actually massive dicks

Alec Mason

Deviously being a douche in: Red Faction: Guerrilla

Won’t somebody think of the property damage?! Just say for a second we can overlook the dicey political vacuum Mason no doubt creates after wiping out the EDF forces on Mars. Alright, so the remaining residents will probably murder each other horribly in the ensuing power struggle, but we’ll let him off the hook for that. What we can’t stand, though, is all the collateral damage… usually done to innocent pipes and girders.

Seriously, Alec might as well salute every hard working craftsman in the world with the middle finger. He clearly has no respect for the concept of private property or the work that goes into constructing complex irrigation systems on Mars. The guy causes millions upon million of damage to the infrastructure of the planet and the properties he destroys would undoubtedly take years to rebuild. Still, as long as he gets to smash shit with his giant space hammer, everything else is just background noise. Asshole.

Sam Fisher

Deviously being a douche in: Splinter Cell: Double Agent

Oh Sammy boy. Where did it all go wrong? You used to be such an upstanding patriot. Keeping us save from terrorists while you snapped their necks in the dark. Unravelling shady conspiracies so we could all cheer on democracy that little bit louder. Killing trusted friends and releasing wanted criminals to maintain your cover. Wait, what? That’s right, comrades. Sam is a seriously naughty boy throughout Double Agent.

Tasked with infiltrating a terrorist cell known as John Brown’s Army, Fisher busts one of their members out of the joint to gain their trust and then, depending on the player’s choices, can off an innocent pilot, his boss and friend Lambert and can even let a bomb go off on a cruise ship. Hey, what’s a little mass murder on a commercial vessel? Sure, there were probably kids on the boat sailing to Disney Land, but keeping Sam’s secret identity hidden was totally more important.

Above: Sorry kids, no Mickey Mouse for you

Lara Croft

Deviously being a douche in: Tomb Raider: Underworld

Please take heed of this moving pledge…

And now we know who that person’s going to be. Bitch.

Please send all hate mail, wrapped up tiger shit and letters bombs to Miss L Croft, 1 Croft Manor, 123 Fake Street, England.

July 19, 2010


  • ThePeanutGangsta - July 26, 2010 3:38 a.m.

    This is a good article despite the fact that some of the article pictures are quite stupid. However, I did laugh at the Lara Croft bit: "And now we know who that person’s going to be. Bitch."
  • axelgarcia1 - July 21, 2010 5:08 p.m.

    nice one
  • NanoElite666 - July 21, 2010 4:56 a.m.

    Oh no, Lara's gonna kill Skittles!! And no, I will not think of the property damage. Not when the Red Faction gives me such wonderful toys as the thermobaric rocket with which to tear things down.
  • Nodoudt - July 20, 2010 5:15 p.m.

    Also @ D0CCON: Thank you for making my day with epic lulz. reCaptcha: earth scunions
  • Nodoudt - July 20, 2010 5:12 p.m.

    Oh lawd, you people and your bizarre stock photos. reCaptcha: the sacking
  • crumbdunky - July 20, 2010 2:04 p.m.

    The biggest dicks in gaming are, without a shadow of a doubt the whole human population of the Gears games. How are we meant to feel we're trhe good guys in that set up! Closely followed by the ambivalent situation in the Killzone universe where it seems the Helghast are actually the ones who got persecuted to start with! So, for massive dicks look no further than huge console exclusives. Compared to them Nate's still pretty cool while Sam is just a dick for being IN DA AT ALL!
  • Bravo315 - July 20, 2010 11:48 a.m.

    @Games_Radar_DaveMeikleham Look down and you'll see the guard swimming away to some rocks :D
  • philipshaw - July 20, 2010 10:48 a.m.

    How Nathan Drake be a dick? He is voiced by Nolan North who is just so likeable
  • AuthorityFigure - July 20, 2010 8:36 a.m.

    I see a common aspect in these games: they fall within the silly 'hardcore' genre... They all look like they're trying much too hard.
  • phoenix_wings - July 20, 2010 5:06 a.m.

    Alan Wake is a pretty big dick IMO. SPOLERS....He's got massive writer's block, sleepless nights, his wife takes him to this nice, remote place and surprises him with a typewriter, all to help him with said writer's block and he flips out on her. The power goes out, she's got this phobia of the dark, and he just storms off, leaving her in the dark. And when she screams, it's kinda like he doesn't even turn around right away to see what's wrong. Not to mention he decks Dr. Hartman because Alice had spoken about said writer and said writer's block... God, what a dick lol.
  • nerfdy - July 20, 2010 2:44 a.m.

    you do know that the pics for cpt. price are from modern warfare not MW2
  • Cwf2008 - July 20, 2010 2:31 a.m.

    Uh...thats a destroyer not a cruise ship
  • TheWebSwinger - July 20, 2010 1:22 a.m.

    Lara Croft is still hot, wanton species endangerment or not. Dass da troof.
  • whisp3rbl4d3 - July 20, 2010 1:06 a.m.

    @ongong - If you listen a little closer at the end of the level where the nuke is launched, and Ghost is screaming over the radio at Price that there was a missile launch, you can clearly hear Price say "Good" before it cuts to the space scene
  • D0CCON - July 19, 2010 8:06 p.m.

    Is the four letter c word Captain Cook? (yes, i know what it is)
  • ongong - July 19, 2010 7:59 p.m.

    Price fired the nuke? I thought he was just to late to stop it.
  • Clovin64 - July 19, 2010 7:56 p.m.

    I expected Kratos to be here, but now that I think about it Kratos would have been to obvious. Better save some article space for a few lesser-known dicks. I always knew Lara Croft was an endangered animal slaughtering bitch. Well done Mr Meikleham for sparing a thought for the poor bereaved families of the average goon in games.
  • Pantas - July 19, 2010 7:54 p.m.

    Why is Laharl not on this list?
  • spikester145 - July 19, 2010 7:53 p.m.

    Your wrong Play uncharted 2 again and you can see he doesn't kill them
  • ViolentLee - July 19, 2010 7:29 p.m.

    In defense of Alec Mason (aka Red Faction guy), the dudes who built those buildings were probably unionized. No harm done...

Showing 1-20 of 53 comments

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