John Travolta
Drag-queen. Scientologist. Dog-voicer.
Pros: Might work as a New Agey touchy-feely Santa - LearJet instead of sled, tinfoil hat, red robes of recyclable hemp....
Cons: Would eat all the mince pies. And then start on the reindeer.
Christopher Walken
Frightening, cadaverous, vampirical monster-man. Frequently mistaken by ex-cons as an old cellmate. (True. He told us this).
Pros: Would be only too happy to teach children the true meaning of Christmas (loneliness, pain, unhealthy self-reflection) - rasping it into their ears in a half-burping voice.
Cons: Santa don't dance.
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Seth Rogen
Ubiquitous, wrongly deep-voiced Everyschlub.
Pros: Pretend deep voice good for 'Ho-ho-ho!-ing'. Looks a bit like a twentysomething Saint Nick before he really got to work on the facial hair. There's the pitch! Young Father Christmas...
Cons: Would make all the kids laugh so much they'd die.
Chris Farley
Saturday Night Live//Wayne's World star. Improv master and prolific prankster.
Pros: Obese. Red-faced. Just a little bit bawdy and raddled. Would come over like a jovial but slightly edgy old uncle. Sort of 'How's Yer Father Christmas'...
Cons: Dead.
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Danny Dyer
Professional geezer. Bravo TV luminary. Occasionally plays himself in films.
Pros: Cheeky and chirpy. Would be good with profane banter ("What do you want for Christmas then, you little cant?")
Cons: According to industry rumour, empties his sack too readily.
Nick Nolte
Pros: Wouldn't need make-up.
Cons: Mental.
