The Goods: Live Hard. Sell Hard. (2009)
Why So Terrible: Not so much a title as an extended tagline, this one suffers from over-the-top punctuation and clearly hasn’t been thought all the way through. Much like the film's saggy script.
What It Should Have Been Called: Deal Hard.
Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
Why So Terrible: They couldn’t even spell ‘clowns’ right! That said, the crummy title is the least of this ridiculous B-horror’s problems – don’t even get us started on the cotton candy cocoons.
What It Should Have Been Called: Coulrophobia . It sounds smart and it educates people.
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (2007)
Why So Terrible: Ever heard of a name like Magorium? No, because it was made up specifically to rhyme with the word ‘emporium’. Dumb.
What It Should Have Been Called: Mr. Medifice’s Magic Edifice.
Step Into Liquid (2003)
Why So Terrible: Instead of stirring up evocative surfer-boy imagery, that title instead makes us think about how annoying it is when you step in a wet patch on the kitchen floor and get sodden socks.
What It Should Have Been Called: Get Wet.
A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell (1990)
Why So Terrible: It’s a bit late coming to the barbarian table – a whole six years after Arnie’s second Conan flick. Nobody cares about prehistoric brutes anymore, so why put them in the title?
What It Should Have Been Called: Dinosaur Hell would’ve done fine on its own, dontcha think?
Avenging Disco Godfather (1979)
Why So Terrible: The ‘Avenging’ part we can deal with, but the ‘Disco Godfather’ bit just makes us imagine Marlon Brando in flares and glittery star sunglasses.
What It Should Have Been Called: Disco Inferno .
Why So Terrible: Everybody’s favourite vampire (or, the vampire) gets turned into a camp blaxploitation laughing stock. Is that Bram Stoker rolling around in his grave?
What It Should Have Been Called: Camp Dracula.
Fertilize The Blaspheming Bombshell (1990)
Why So Terrible: Just how does one go about fertilising a bomb? Oh, right, the bombshell’s a chick. Still, that's a somewhat queasy, clinical call to arms for a film title.
What It Should Have Been Called: Brooklyn To Vegas (the journey the Satan-worshipper-plagued bombshell is undertaking).
The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini (1966)
Why So Terrible: It’s a beach flick that doesn’t even take place anywhere near a beach. Also, it’s a horribly transparent attempt to hook a horny young demographic who just want to see naked ladies.
What It Should Have Been Called: Life’s A Beach.
Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties (2006)
Why So Terrible: The memory of Charles Dickens is raped by a horrible CGI cat and his stupid movie. Not that we’re taking it all too seriously or anything.
What It Should Have Been Called: Garfield 2: Purrfectly Awful .
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
Why So Terrible: Have you read it? Happily, that terrible title is a fitting representation of the terrible movie, which shows what happens when Martian children are diagnosed with depression. The only thing that can save them? A visit from Santa Claus. Ho-ho-hrrrnnn…
What It Should Have Been Called: Santa, Interrupted .
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
Why So Terrible: A rather obvious play on words, this daft title is all about selling up front the film's shockingly stupid story. Wonder why nobody tuned in.
What It Should Have Been Called: Bedlam.
The Men Who Stare At Goats (2009)
Why So Terrible: Though it’s got a charming B-movie vibe to it, the idea of watching an entire 90 minutes in which men sit staring at members of the Bovidae family isn’t exactly enticing.
What It Should Have Been Called: The Men Who Stare At Coats would’ve been just as riveting - and have about as much relevance to the plot, as well.
The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants (2005)
Why So Terrible: The ‘Pants’ part gets hilariously lost in translation here on our British shores, stirring up dodgy images of girls sharing very crusty old underwear.
What It Should Have Been Called: Days Of Denim .
Zombie Strippers! (2008)
Why So Terrible: Enough with the exclamation marks – we get it, you’re being ‘ironic’ or whatever. Your title still sucks.
What It Should Have Been Called: Strip Joints .
Chopper Chicks In Zombie Town (1989)
Why So Terrible: It does what it says on the tin, but nothing else besides. That’s what you get for making a movie about zombie-killing woman bikers.
What It Should Have Been Called: Chrome Hearts was its equally bamboozling alt title. What’s wrong with just calling it Biker Babes ?
Manos, The Hands Of Fate (1966)
Why So Terrible: Who or what is Manos? Is it the man who has the Hands Of Fate? Or is that the name of the Hands Of Fate themselves? Ah, it’s Spanish for ‘hands’, is it? Ah well, that title’s still doing nothing to prompt a trip to the video store.
What It Should Have Been Called: The Handy Man.
Dont Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead (1991)
Why So Terrible: Awesome movie, horrible title. Every time we’re forced to say it (especially the drawling ‘mom’ part), a little piece of us dies alongside the babysitter.
What It Should Have Been Called: Grow Up .
Why So Terrible: Typing it into Google leads to all sorts of embarrassingly smutty encounters. None, sadly, involving Vin Diesel.
What It Should Have Been Called: Action!
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
Why So Terrible: This one stinks of desperation, as Dark Castle attempt to distance their remake from the original with a little hip text speak. It just means the title’s damn near illegible.
What It Should Have Been Called: Shockingly Bad.
Our Vines Have Tender Grapes (1945)
Why So Terrible: Is it just us, or does this sound remarkably dodgy? Considering it’s a movie about a Norwegian farmer working in Wisconsin, we're assuming it's just us.
What It Should Have Been Called: The Foreign Farmer . Obvious, really, isn't it?
To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)
Why So Terrible: There are far too many commas going on in there. And though the title’s (presumably) supposed to make us all wonder what Wong Foo did for dear Julie, it merely inspires fatigue. Not bad for a film that has Wesley Snipes in drag.
What It Should Have Been Called: Drag Kings .
Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes! (1978)
Why So Terrible: We weren’t aware that tomatoes had the capacity to be killer. Or attack for that matter. Either way, it sounds about as terrifying as being licked by kittens.
What It Should Have Been Called: Ketchup If You Can.
Why So Terrible: It leads to no end of confusing conversations. “Have you seen It ?” “What?” “ It .” “ What ?” “The film It .” “Oh. No.” So annoying.
What It Should Have Been Called: Floaters .
Jesse James Meets Frankensteins Daughter (1966)
Why So Terrible: That’s one meet-cute we could do without. Rough-and-tumble bad boy Jesse James and some reanimated corpse? No thank you.
What It Should Have Been Called: Deathly Boring .
Why So Terrible: It’s not even a real word! It also sounds more like an adjective used to describe something that’s just really shiny.
What It Should Have Been Called: Lost In Translation . Oh, hang on…
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)
Why So Terrible: The first film’s title was a fun play on superlatives. This lame sequel’s title settles for lazily playing on the first film's title, as well as When Harry Met Sally . It’s just dumb.
What It Should Have Been Called: Dumb & Dumbest.
Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace (1999)
Why So Terrible: Just what is the phantom menace? Is it the Emperor? Or Anakin? Or Jar-Jar? Or is the film itself just one big horrible menace to all things Wars ? We prefer the latter.
What It Should Have Been Called: Star Wars: Episode I – The Rock Bottom .
Curse Of The Queerwolf (1988)
Why So Terrible: Thought the Twilight werewolves were bad? This title makes a mockery of lycanthropes – before the film itself goes on to half-heartedly gay bash the night away.
What It Should Have Been Called: Cry Wolf.
Rat Pfink A Boo Boo (1966)
Why So Terrible: So bad that it won the Golden Turkey Award. According to movie myth, the ‘A’ should actually have been ‘And’, but the artist creating the titles made a (groan) boo boo that never got fixed. Director Ray Dennis Steckler, however, says his daughter came up with the title. Which would explain a lot.
What It Should Have Been Called: The Depraved .
Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging (2008)
Why So Terrible: Not so much a film title as a shopping list, this adaptation of Louise Rennison’s novel had the wherewithal to change the book’s ‘Full-Frontal Snogging’ bit, but nothing else. D'oh.
What It Should Have Been Called: Georgia Explains It All .
Live Free Or Die Hard (2007)
Why So Terrible: Attempting to carry on the Die Hard With A Vengeance title styling, this one fluffs it up majorly by having a title that has nothing to do with the film’s plot whatsoever.
What It Should Have Been Called: Uh, Die Hard 4.0.
I Dismember Mama (1974)
Why So Terrible: It’s hideously juvenile, and a daft corruption of the title of musical I Remember Mama .
What It Should Have Been Called: Crazed And Poor Albert And Little Annie is the flick’s alt title, which is surely one of the only movie titles ever to repeat the word ‘And’ twice. Personally, we like Murder! better.
I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle (1990)
Why So Terrible: Yeah yeah, it’s a parody of those I Married A Monster From Outerspace classics, but that doesn’t stop it from being cheesy crud. At least it has Neil Morrissey in it.
What It Should Have Been Called: Morrissey Vs. Motorcycle.
Quackser Fortune Has A Cousin In The Bronx (1970)
Why So Terrible: A title that revels in its stupid-named lead character. The cousin part also adds nothing but more unnecessary words to an already over-long title.
What It Should Have Been Called: Family Affairs .
Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid!! (1986)
Why So Terrible: There’s absolutely no excuse for a double exclamation mark. It doesn’t work when over-enthusiastic teenage Twits do it, and it doesn’t work in movies, either.
What It Should Have Been Called: It’s already got an alt title – uh, Zeisters – which is just as bad. There’s no saving thissun.
Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe And Find True Happiness? (1969)
Why So Terrible: Another patience tester, this one insists on shoving two full names in there. The Chicago Tribune rightly voted it to the worst movie title ever in 2006.
What It Should Have Been Called: Love Hurts.
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
Why So Terrible: It doesn’t make any sense, temporally speaking. Seeing as it’s now been two summers since Julie James and co killed a man (then found out they, er, didn’t), that title’s completely inaccurate.
What It Should Have Been Called: I Still Know What You Did The Summer Before Last (ouch).
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1963)
Why So Terrible: It’s so long it actually takes a discernable effort to read the entire thing. It’s also almost impossible to say without taking a breath half-way through.
What It Should Have Been Called: The Zombie Sing-A-Long.
The Perils Of Gwendoline In The Land Of The Yik-Yak (1984)
Why So Terrible: The land of the Yik-Yak? Seriously? Even George Lucas was better at coming up with silly names than this.
What It Should Have Been Called: Iron Maiden .
Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009)
Why So Terrible: The fact that the film’s a travesty obviously wasn’t enough for its makers; they had to hammer the point home with an atrocious Chipmmunk-y spin on the word ‘sequel’.
What It Should Have Been Called: Alvin & The Chipmunks: Mixed Nuts .
Teenage Catgirls In Heat (1994)
Why So Terrible: Not only is it inciting sexual conduct with teenagers, it’s also condoning bestiality. Ick.
What It Should Have Been Called : Bad Kitties .
Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever (2002)
Why So Terrible: When you’ve given your characters ridiculous names, it’s probably best you don’t put them in the film’s title. Oops. Small wonder Ballistic is 0% percent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.
What It Should Have Been Called: Ballistic would’ve done, y’know.
Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
Why So Terrible: Slevin isn’t even a number - he’s a man played by Josh Hartnett. Not very well, we might add.
What It Should Have Been Called: Australia had it right, calling it The Wrong Man . We’d go one step further and call it The Wrong Film , or just The Wrong Un.
Quantum Of Solace (2008)
Why So Terrible: The likes of On Her Majesty’s Service and From Russia With Love are but a distant memory. This odd Bond title rightly received reactions like “Eh?” and “What the-?!” from a very confused public.
What It Should Have Been Called: Glass Houses would fit, considering how much of the stuff gets smashed in the film.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Why So Terrible: It stirs up some truly dreadful imagery of Tom Green doing things that we really don’t want to think about Tom Green doing.
What It Should Have Been Called: Freddy Got F*****ed .
Why So Terrible: Yet more exclamations, though all the more shocking considering this is a film starring the awesome likes of Jack Lemmon and Kim Novak. Who cares that it’s based on the title of a celebrity column?
What It Should Have Been Called: The Break-Up .
Don't Worry, We'll Think Of A Title (1966)
Why So Terrible: Movie titles shouldn’t be conversational. Sure, Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? broke that rule, but it was a clever play on a well-known phrase. This is just wilfully indolent.
What It Should Have Been Called: This Film Has No Title.
Why So Terrible: It sounds like something you might exclaim if your shopping bags broke on your walk home, or you stepped on a snail, or a bird pooed on your head. It certainly doesn’t sound like the title of a movie.
What It Should Have Been Called: Cave In .
Why So Terrible: It’s a fact checker’s nightmare. Just how many s’ should there be in Sssssss ? (It’s seven, dontcha know.) And if we get it wrong, will anybody even notice?
What It Should Have Been Called: Sssssnake (the UK title) is far better.