50 video game haikus for the poetic gamer


Non-stop climax girl
Trouser tightening action
Less really is more.

Angels are demons
Bayonetta’s Cereza
What is going on?

When her clothes come off
Hairy monsters will appear
Just like in real life.

Sinatra remix
If I hear you one more time
I’ll rip my ears off.

Black, skin-tight jumpsuit
Plus sexual frustration
That’s Bayonetta.

Gears of War

See Marcus and Dom
Super manly BFFs
Totally not gay.

The Gears roadie run
Truly impossible feat
No one really cares.

Alien locusts
Subterranean monsters
Morlocs with uzis.

Poor little Carmine
You’re always biting the dust
Helmet means you die.

The truest sign of manhood
Chainsaw bayonet.

Modern Warfare

Lightweight commando
Proof balance is for pussies
Sprinting psychopath.

Use your combat knife
Along with chopper gunner
For tactical nuke.

The heartbeat sensor
Reveals all that is hidden
Except for ninjas.

50 cal. rifle
Can be fired from the hip
That f@$#ing makes sense.

Snipers in the field
Always wear their ghillie suits
Because it looks cool.

Next Page: Red Dead Redemption, Mass Effect


  • Bagmun - August 11, 2010 9:56 p.m.

    I'm glad everyone enjoyed it. On a side note, haikus are more about "beats" than syllables when it comes to english. Real does have two syllables ('ree-uhl), but it only has one beat because nobody in their right mind says "Ree-uhl." Cool beans?
  • diddly - August 11, 2010 4:19 p.m.

    Oh and just realised it wasn't your article, but figured it might be since you were getting the most flak in the "real" discussion. Even still, great article
  • diddly - August 11, 2010 4:18 p.m.

    Chhhhhaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrlllliiiieeeeeee (like your talkradar intro) Why are these spammers messing with your article? And on a side note, great article buddy really enjoyed the MW2 ones, and the Halo 3 ones involving noobs. And truer words were never spoken about cougars. Great job buddy!
  • pollenski - August 11, 2010 4:03 p.m.

    ebay21, danxin and xanxin sell fakes dont go to their store
  • Fendaren - August 11, 2010 1:43 p.m.

    Commander Shepard: "This is my favorite store, On the Citadel."
  • pin316 - August 11, 2010 11:13 a.m.

    How about: - Legend of Zelda - Must save the Princess, please stop calling me Zelda, that is not my name - Assassin's Creed - Diving off rooftops, Templars keep f**king things up, Stab them in the face - Monkey Island - I am a Pirate, LeChuck is such an a$$hole, root beer conquers all
  • philipshaw - August 11, 2010 10:10 a.m.

    I have a metal gear one Snake sneaking in codec call inbound 20 min cutscene to follow
  • HawtKakez - August 11, 2010 8:57 a.m.

    Not a bad read. Had a few chuckles here and there. Thanks for posting.
  • DavidELDiablo - August 11, 2010 5:12 a.m.

    CoD MW 2 Another CoD game Started playing online once Kids made me lose my ears. Zelda Another Zelda game It might be best one ever Won't beat O o T. WoW Millions love WoW It is a real lifestyle more epic then life. Halo The best F P S multiplayer annoying lots of "Flag Dropped"
  • Swindleton - August 11, 2010 5:05 a.m.

    @Twilight Don't be so stupid Real is just ONE syllable Learn to speak English @that Panda guy Don't encourage him REE-ALL? Double You Tee Eff Just like yeehaw, right? ehhhhh...
  • Articblaze - August 11, 2010 5:03 a.m.

    Brutal Legend To assure sequel For game that rules from up high Shut Tim Schafers mouth.
  • Genericpenisjoketista - August 11, 2010 5 a.m.

    P.S. Thanks for the Haiku idea. I just wrote a shit-ton of lovey ones in a letter to my girlfriend and she's going to love me for that shit. You guys rock.
  • Genericpenisjoketista - August 11, 2010 4:28 a.m.

    I have one for Mass Effect: Fox News Really Hates You You Get Too Much Tang For Them Keep On Keepin' On (bonus points because the drink "Tang" was invented for astronauts)
  • greenjoker - August 11, 2010 4:19 a.m.

    poetry can be anywhere...thanks for the creative article
  • Fata1Stryke - August 11, 2010 2:59 a.m.

    Master Chief: He appears manly, 'Til you find out his girlfriend Is a hologram.
  • mahabat - August 11, 2010 2:51 a.m.

    haha shut up midwest isn't an accent its just how it is, so real is one syllable
  • Gobblemeister - August 11, 2010 2:30 a.m.

    The Demons Souls and Street Fighter ones were awesome. Especially Ryu's.
  • Helios - August 11, 2010 1:47 a.m.

    Never been a big fan of poetry, but these are pretty good. And for the argument about whether "real" is 1 or 2 syllables? How about we all compromise and just add 1 and 2 together to say that "real" has 3 syllables. *Sigh* Aren't compromises great?
  • Mamudo - August 11, 2010 12:46 a.m.

    Some of them gave me a chuckle, especially the one about Dhalsim, "worst pacifist ever"
  • GamesRadarCharlieBarratt - August 10, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    "Real" is one syllable!!!

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

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