50 video game haikus for the poetic gamer


Still, cold, and lifeless
I lay on the battlefield
A crotch in my face.

Halo online play
Noteworthy conversation
“F#@$ING No0B FAgG0T!!”

Oh, rocket launcher
What good times we both have shared

Sniped from a distance
Nine year-old calls me a fag
I turn off the game.

My banshee flies high
A serene, majestic flight
ZAP!! Spartan Laser…

Demon’s Souls

This game must hate me
Fruit flies have longer life spans
Jesus F#@$ing Christ…

Soul stuck in Limbo?
Go and check out the Nexus
For all shopping needs.

Ten foot tall demons
Remain largely unimpressed
With your steel armor.

Hello, black phantom
You joined my game and killed me
Burn in Hell; you suck.

I approach the cliff
Soul sign reads “Beware the fall…”
Well, no shit, moron.

God of War

Spartan warrior
Deep characterization

Greek family feud
Kratos has daddy issues
Everybody dies.

Kratos throws tantrums
Therefore, Zeus impales his ass
Wow…what a douchebag.

Three times in a row
Spartan goes to underworld
For like five minutes.

All the gods are dead
Too badass to stop killing
Kratos offs himself.

Next Page: Bayonetta, Gears of War, Modern Warfare…

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  • Bagmun - August 11, 2010 9:56 p.m.

    I'm glad everyone enjoyed it. On a side note, haikus are more about "beats" than syllables when it comes to english. Real does have two syllables ('ree-uhl), but it only has one beat because nobody in their right mind says "Ree-uhl." Cool beans?
  • diddly - August 11, 2010 4:19 p.m.

    Oh and just realised it wasn't your article, but figured it might be since you were getting the most flak in the "real" discussion. Even still, great article
  • diddly - August 11, 2010 4:18 p.m.

    Chhhhhaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrlllliiiieeeeeee (like your talkradar intro) Why are these spammers messing with your article? And on a side note, great article buddy really enjoyed the MW2 ones, and the Halo 3 ones involving noobs. And truer words were never spoken about cougars. Great job buddy!
  • pollenski - August 11, 2010 4:03 p.m.

    ebay21, danxin and xanxin sell fakes dont go to their store
  • Fendaren - August 11, 2010 1:43 p.m.

    Commander Shepard: "This is my favorite store, On the Citadel."
  • pin316 - August 11, 2010 11:13 a.m.

    How about: - Legend of Zelda - Must save the Princess, please stop calling me Zelda, that is not my name - Assassin's Creed - Diving off rooftops, Templars keep f**king things up, Stab them in the face - Monkey Island - I am a Pirate, LeChuck is such an a$$hole, root beer conquers all
  • philipshaw - August 11, 2010 10:10 a.m.

    I have a metal gear one Snake sneaking in codec call inbound 20 min cutscene to follow
  • HawtKakez - August 11, 2010 8:57 a.m.

    Not a bad read. Had a few chuckles here and there. Thanks for posting.
  • DavidELDiablo - August 11, 2010 5:12 a.m.

    CoD MW 2 Another CoD game Started playing online once Kids made me lose my ears. Zelda Another Zelda game It might be best one ever Won't beat O o T. WoW Millions love WoW It is a real lifestyle more epic then life. Halo The best F P S multiplayer annoying lots of "Flag Dropped"
  • Swindleton - August 11, 2010 5:05 a.m.

    @Twilight Don't be so stupid Real is just ONE syllable Learn to speak English @that Panda guy Don't encourage him REE-ALL? Double You Tee Eff Just like yeehaw, right? ehhhhh...
  • Articblaze - August 11, 2010 5:03 a.m.

    Brutal Legend To assure sequel For game that rules from up high Shut Tim Schafers mouth.
  • Genericpenisjoketista - August 11, 2010 5 a.m.

    P.S. Thanks for the Haiku idea. I just wrote a shit-ton of lovey ones in a letter to my girlfriend and she's going to love me for that shit. You guys rock.
  • Genericpenisjoketista - August 11, 2010 4:28 a.m.

    I have one for Mass Effect: Fox News Really Hates You You Get Too Much Tang For Them Keep On Keepin' On (bonus points because the drink "Tang" was invented for astronauts)
  • greenjoker - August 11, 2010 4:19 a.m.

    poetry can be anywhere...thanks for the creative article
  • Fata1Stryke - August 11, 2010 2:59 a.m.

    Master Chief: He appears manly, 'Til you find out his girlfriend Is a hologram.
  • mahabat - August 11, 2010 2:51 a.m.

    haha shut up midwest isn't an accent its just how it is, so real is one syllable
  • Gobblemeister - August 11, 2010 2:30 a.m.

    The Demons Souls and Street Fighter ones were awesome. Especially Ryu's.
  • Helios - August 11, 2010 1:47 a.m.

    Never been a big fan of poetry, but these are pretty good. And for the argument about whether "real" is 1 or 2 syllables? How about we all compromise and just add 1 and 2 together to say that "real" has 3 syllables. *Sigh* Aren't compromises great?
  • Mamudo - August 11, 2010 12:46 a.m.

    Some of them gave me a chuckle, especially the one about Dhalsim, "worst pacifist ever"
  • GamesRadarCharlieBarratt - August 10, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    "Real" is one syllable!!!

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