Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom (1984)
The Moment: Thuggee priest Mola Ram (Amrish Puri) ushers in the PG-13 certificate by conducting a ritual sacrifice in which he pulls the heart out his victim's chest.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The heart is still beating...and the victim is still alive.
If It Was Silly: Mola Ram would put the heart into a burger bun and start chomping.
The Brood (1979)
The Moment: Two of the Brood follow Candice (Cindy Hinds) to school.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The creatures pick up wooden hammers and bludgeon Candice's teacher Ruth Mayer (Susan Hogan) to death in front of the children.
If It Was Silly: The troublemakers would be Teletubbies.
The Moment: Helen Lyle (Virginia Madsen) calls the Candyman's name five times to prove she's not insane.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Helen's psychiatrist starts coughing blood as he is gutted by Candyman (Tony Todd). Well, she did call him.
If It Was Silly: The Candyman would be a guy who hands around free sweets to everyone.
The Moment: To the strains of Mussorgsky's Night On Bald Mountain, a demon looms on the mountain overlooking a village.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The shadow of the demon's hands envelopes the village, and the spirits of the dead rise from their graves.
If It Was Silly: The ghosts would all be Disney icons - Mickey, Donald, Goofy...
The Haunting (1963)
The Moment: A team of paranormal investigators at Hill House think they've safe behind a locked door...
Hide Behind The Sofa When: ...and then the door begins to bulge under pressure from some unseen force.
If It Was Silly: The door would bulge into the shape of a willy.
Kill List (2011)
The Moment: Hitmen Jay (Neil Maskell) and Gal's (Michael Smiley) latest job takes a turn for the unexpected when they stumble upon a homicidal cult and Jay starts to get trigger happy.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: They take refuge in a series of dark tunnels...but the mob comes after them.
If It Was Silly: Jay and Gal's pursuers would be armed only with giant foam hands.
Event Horizon (1997)
The Moment: The crew of rescue ship Lewis and Clark find the last video log from abandoned starship Event Horizon, only to find it's full of footage of the crew ripping each other to shreds.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: A crewmember holds out his hands to the camera, revealing that he is holding his own eyes.
If It Was Silly: There would be a blooper reel.
Dawn Of The Dead (2004)
The Moment: Ana (Sarah Polley) and Luis (Louis Ferreira) are woken by their zombified pre-teen neighbour Vivian (Hannah Lochner).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Vivian bites Luis in the throat...and it's not long before he's going after Ana.
If It Was Silly: Vivian wants Ana and Luis to look after his lickle zombie kittens.
Rosemary's Baby (1968)
The Moment: Rosemary Woodhouse (Mia Farrow) passes out and experiences a nightmarish dream in which she is surrounded by a naked coven.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: When the devil rapes her, she screams out "This is not a dream - this is really happening!"
If It Was Silly: The nakedness was real enough, but her neighbours aren't Satanists, but hippies.
The Moment: Reporter Ángela (Manuela Velasco) and cameraman Pablo are trapped in a dark penthouse with the carrier of a zombie infection.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Pablo trips, and the girl attacks, which we see only in night vision.
If It Was Silly: Night vision can mean only one thing - Derek Acorah.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
The Moment: Long-armed Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) catches Tina Gray (Amanda Wyss) in her nightmare.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Back in reality, boyfriend Rod (Nick Corri) watches as Tina is dragged along the ceiling of their bedroom by an unseen assailant.
If It Was Silly: The body would start doing loop-the-loops and other aerial tricks.
The Omen (1976)
The Moment: In a windswept cemetry, Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) discovers that the mother of his adopted son, Damien, is a dog.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Robert and Keith Jennings (David Warner) are attacked by demonic Rottweilers protecting Damien's identity as the Antichrist.
If It Was Silly: The dogs distract Robert and Keith from opening the grave by performing tricks.
Lost Highway (1997)
The Moment: At a party, Fred Madison (Bill Pullman) meets the same Mystery Man (Robert Blake) he's been seeing in visions at home.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The Mystery Man tells Fred he's still at the house. Sure enough, when Fred calls home, the Mystery Man answers.
If It Was Silly: Fred would look around, and all of the guests would be the same guy.
The Moment: Thomas Hutter (Gustav von Wangenheim) explores the crypt of the mysterious Count Orlok (Max Schreck).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: A coffin lid flies open and Orlok rises to face him.
If It Was Silly: Instead of a vampire, the film would be about a droid called Nosfer-R2-D2.
The Birds (1963)
The Moment: Lydia (Jessica Tandy) seeks help from a neighbouring house, and heads upstairs.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: She finds the owner, killed by the birds with his eyes pecked out.
If It Was Silly: The birds would have left him with a pair of googly eyes on springs.
The Silence Of The Lambs (1991)
The Moment: Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) enters the basement of serial killer Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine), but then the lights go out.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: "Bill" switches on his night vision goggles and watches Clarice blunder about in the darkness.
If It Was Silly: Bill couldn't resist switching on his glitterball for that D-I-S-C-O effect.
The Moment: Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) and Newt (Carrie Henn) are locked in the laboratory with two facehuggers on the loose.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Ripley goes for her gun... and it isn't where she left it.
If It Was Silly: The facehuggers would be on their tea break.
Wolf Creek (2005)
The Moment: Liz Hunter (Cassandra Magrath) tries to escape from Aussie psycho Mick Taylor's (John Jarratt) Outback torture-shack.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Mick severs Liz's spinal column, leaving her paralysed on the floor like a "head on a stick."
If It Was Silly: Things would be the other way around, and Mick would sellotape a lollipop to her so she was a "stick on a head."
Jurassic Park (1993)
The Moment: Tim and Lex Murphy (Joseph Mazzello and Ariana Richards) hide out in the kitchens of Jurassic Park, but the raptors open the door and follow 'em in.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: A raptor launches itself at Lex, hiding in a metal catering cupboard... fortunately, it's only her reflection.
If It Was Silly: With cloning technology this good, why not bring back the dodo?
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
The Moment: Having survived being replaced by the pod people, Nancy (Veronica Cartwright) is delighted to spot Matthew Bennell (Donald Sutherland).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: He points at her and lets out an unearthly scream - the sign that he's a pod person, too.
If It Was Silly: Instead of screaming, the pod people alert each other by shouting "Whassup?"
The Wicker Man (1973)
The Moment: Policeman Neil Howie (Edward Woodward) is locked inside a giant wicker statue, which is then set on fire.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Somebody's going to rescue him, right? Er, no.
If It Was Silly: It's a giant wicker Stay Puft marshallow man.
The Moment: Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) has had enough of her writer hostage Paul Sheldon (James Caan) trying to escape.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: She introduces Paul to ye olde practice of hobbling, by breaking his ankles with a sledgehammer.
If It Was Silly: She'd fill the floor of his room with banana skins. Try escaping that.
The Descent (2005)
The Moment: A group of lost lady cavers discover a passage littered with bones.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: A 'crawler' - a subterranean throwback to god-knows-what - appears through the night vision camera behind one of the girls.
If It Was Silly: The girls would take the crawlers to the surface and help them integrate into human society.
The Wizard Of Oz (1939)
The Moment: Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) and Toto set off on a perilous quest to steal the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The Witch dispatches an army of flying monkeys to capture Dorothy and Toto.
If It Was Silly: Two words - flying hippos.
Pan's Labyrinth (2006)
The Moment: Ofelia (Ivana Baquero) goes on a mission to steal the dagger of the Pale Man (Doug Jones).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Ofelia breaks the rules and eats from the monster's table, and he chases after her, using eyes in his hands to see.
If It Was Silly: The Pale Man would be a pasty Goth whose complexion is caused by his never going out in the daytime.
Les Diaboliques (1954)
The Moment: Christina (Véra Clouzot) finds the missing corpse of her husband Michel (Paul Meurisse) in the bathtub.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Michel's 'corpse' rises from the tub, giving Christina a fatal heart attack.
If It Was Silly: Ever seen a rubber ducky come to life?
The Moment: Anna (Morjana Alaoui) is systemically tortured by a religious cult who believe that the creation of martyrs will help them discover the mysteries of the afterlife.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Think Anna can't suffer any more? She is methodically flayed alive by a surgeon.
If It Was Silly: Torture, Monty Python style. "Not the comfy chair!"
The Moment: Robbie Freeling (Oliver Robins) is having trouble sleeping with that creepy clown in the room, especially when it starts moving of its own accord.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The clown extends an arm around Robbie's neck and drags him under the bed.
If It Was Silly: The clown's partner-in-crime would be a circus lion.
The Moment: Shigeharu Aoyama (Ryo Ishibashi) calls Asami (Eihi Shiina), the winner of the audition to become his wife.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Asami is waiting by the phone next to a sack. And then, whatever is in the sack moves with a strangled grunt.
If It Was Silly: It's a bag full of kittens, innit?
The Moment: Home alone in a London flat, Carole Ledoux (Catherine Deneuve) rifles through the clothes in the wardrobe.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: As she closes the door, she sees the reflection of a man in the mirror...but when she looks around, nobody is there.
If It Was Silly: It'd be the reflection of the nodding dog from the Churchill Insurance ads. Oh, yes.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
The Moment: Jeremy and Jemima Potts (Adrian Hall and Heather Ripley) find themselves at the mercy of the Child Catcher (Robert Helpmann).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The Child Catcher rings a bell and invites the kid to "come and get your lollipops." Shudder.
If It Was Silly: Lollipops, yes. Pointy-nosed, big-hatted paedo, no.
The Moment: Expelled dance student Pat Hingle (Eva Arden) tries to find refuge at her friend's house, only to be stabbed, disembowelled and hanged.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Pity Pat's friend, standing underneath the stained-glass ceiling through which Pat's corpse crashes through, and killed by falling glass.
If It Was Silly: Pat's body would be on a bungee cord.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
The Moment: Dan (Patrick Fischler) recounts a dream he had in which a frightening man is living behind the diner Dan is currently sitting in.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Dan and friend check it out...and, sure enough, the freaky, disfigured man appears.
If It Was Silly: The man would be David Lynch.
The Vanishing (1988)
The Moment: Rex Hofman (Gene Bervoets) agrees to be drugged by psycho Raymond Lemorne (Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu) so he can find out what happened to his kidnapped girlfriend.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Wakey wakey... buried alive in a coffin. Bet he regrets drinking that spiked coffee now.
If It Was Silly: He'd wake up at Disneyland, tied up inside one of the animatronic people in the 'It's A Small World' ride.
Un Chien Andalou (1929)
The Moment: A man sharpens a razor and then prises open a woman's eyelid.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Gloop oozes out of the eyeball as the razor slices across it.
If It Was Silly: The woman would be bearded, and in need of a good shave.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
The Moment: Heather (Heather Donahue) heads for the basement in a dilapidated house looking for filmmaking colleague Mike (Michael C. Williams).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The camera shows Mike standing in the corner, facing the wall - the M.O. of the Blair Witch. The camera then gets dropped.
If It Was Silly: Heather would find Mike and the "missing" Josh (Joshua Leonard) playing poker and drinking beer - she's been punk'd by her mates.
Don't Look Now (1973)
The Moment: John Baxter (Donald Sutherland) pursues a red-coated figure along the canals of Venice, thinking it to be the spirit of his dead daughter.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: It isn't his daughter: it's a midget serial killer with a big knife, which she's using to stab John to death.
If It Was Silly: John survives the attack and adopts the midget.
The Moment: In a dream, Sue Snell (Amy Irving) visits the grave of her late friend, telekinetic madwoman Carrie White (Sissy Spacek).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: She bends down to place flowers on the grave - and Carrie's hand bursts through the soil to grab her.
If It Was Silly: Squirrels would have already dug through the grave looking for nuts.
The Thing (1982)
The Moment: MacReady (Kurt Russell) devises a new method of outing the Thing - plunging a hot wire into a blood sample taken from each of his colleagues.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The test works - and now everybody is tied up next to a monster.
If It Was Silly: The Thing would reveal itself as a fan of Tex Avery, and contort itself into all sorts of cartoonish shapes.
The Moment: Casey Becker (Drew Barrymore) takes a call from a weirdly-voiced stalker banging on about her favourite scary movies.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Things get more menacing when the killer-to-be asks Casey her name. Why? "I like to know who I'm looking at."
If It Was Silly: He'd quiz Casey about her favourite comedies, and throw water balloons at her every time she got a question wrong.
The Moment: Michael Myers (Nick Castle) attacks Laurie Strode as she hides in a wardrobe and she stabs him with a kitchen knife.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: She thinks she's safe, but as she catches her breath, the apparently dead Myers sits up behind her.
If It Was Silly: Myers would be wearing a pointy-eared Mr Spock mask.
The Moment: Detectives Somerset (Morgan Freeman) and Mills (Brad Pitt) find the emaciated remains of John Doe's third victim, Sloth.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Did we say remains? Sloth is alive, and jolts upright with a gurgling cry.
If It Was Silly: Sloth would be… a sloth. Y'know, one of them animal things that hangs from trees.
An American Werewolf In London (1981)
The Moment: Werewolf-in-waiting David Kessler (David McNaughton) has a dream in which mutant Nazis attack and kill his family.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: David wakes up, only for Nurse Alex Price (Jenny Agutter) to discover there's another mutant Nazi in the room - it's a dream within a dream!
If It Was Silly: The entire remainder of the film would also be variations on the mutant Nazi dream.
The Moment: Dinner time on the Nostromo, but something doesn't agree with Kane (John Hurt).
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Blood spurts over Kane's crewmates as a chestburster alien breaks out of his tummy.
If It Was Silly: Had Spaceballs not got there first, this is where we'd suggest that the alien wear a top hat.
The Exorcist (1973)
The Moment: Chris MacNeil (Ellen Burstyn) runs upstairs to find possessed daughter Regan (Linda Blair) masturbating with a crucifix.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Regan's head spins 180 degrees so she can tell Chris, "Do you know what she did, your cunting daughter?"
If It Was Silly: Regan's head would spring up from her body like a Jack-in-a-box.
The Moment: Ryuji Takayama (Hiroyuki Sanada) is enjoying a nice quiet day at home when the telly switches itself on.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: The spirit of Sadako (Rie Inoo) clambers out of the telly itself and frightens Ryuji to death.
If It Was Silly: Sadako would get a job advertising the latest 3D technology.
The Moment: Martin Brody (Roy Scheider) and Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) investigate the abandoned boat of fisherman Ben Gardner.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Hooper dislodges a hatch, through which Gardner's severed head falls.
If It Was Silly: No head - just a boatload of smelly fish that causes Hooper to stink for the rest of the film.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
The Moment: Kirk (William Vail) enters an apparently deserted house looking for help, only to hear strange pig-squeals coming from the room ahead.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen) jumps out, bops him on the head with a sledgehammer and clangs shut an ominous metal door.
If It Was Silly: He'd tickle him with a feather and be done with it.
The Shining (1980)
The Moment: Danny Torrance (Danny Lloyd), riding his trike along the corridor of the Overlook Hotel, meets the sinister Grady twins.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: In a shock jump cut, the girls are suddenly seen lying on the floor, hacked to bits.
If It Was Silly: The Gradys would be mime artists.
The Moment: Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) takes a shower at the Bates Motel.
Hide Behind The Sofa When: A feminine killer pulls open the curtain and stabs Marion to death.
If It Was Silly: The killer would be revealed to be the proprietor of the Motel, pretending to be his dead mother… Er, hang on a minute.