Half Life 2: The Orange Box
Flushed: Kill an enemy with a toilet (5 points)
In the Nova Prospekts chapter there are toilets in the prison cells. Use your gravity gun to send them flying at your enemies, who will then not only be dead, but smelly. What a way to go.
The One Free Bullet: Beat Episode One firing exactly one bullet. Grenade, crowbar, rocket and Gravgun kills all ok! (40 points)
Well, we guess some people just love a challenge... You'll need that one bullet to shoot a lock though, so don't you go and waste it, now.
Hellboy Science of Evil
Vertigo: Fall off cliffs 20 times (10 points)
In level two, once the stone bridge has formed, walk across it to the checkpoint, then keep jumping off and respawning.
John Woo Presents Stranglehold
Origami Master: Collect 250 Origami Cranes (35 points)
Because if you're a hard-boiled cop called Tequila, what you really want to do instead of all that killing is make origami.
Kane and Lynch: Dead Men
Put it in your pipe...: And smoke it! (50 points)
This Achievement requires the downloadable add-on The Dope Bag and is not nearly as interesting as it sounds. To nab your 50 points, at the beginning of the level Clean Cut find a concrete pipe that is hanging from a crane by looking up, then simply throw a grenade through it.
Sun Tzu: Let your crew do the dirty work (20 points)
Sometimes there is a free lunch... and achievements gained for doing absolutely nothing. You get this by playing the Retomoto Tower and doing absolutely nothing. Don't fire a single bullet, just let your AI buddies sort it all out for you while you go and make a cup of tea.
Left 4 Dead
Big Drag: Drag a Survivor 100 feet with your tongue (20 points)
Sure, you're playing as a monster here with a big tongue. Obviously. But still...
Madagascar Escape 2 Africa
Attentive in Class: 25 instances of watching a cutscene without skipping it (15 points)
When developers put Achievements like these in, you have to wonder - are they actually expecting people to otherwise skip their cutscenes in droves because they are so mind-numbingly dull?
Penny Arcade: Episode 2
Pervert: Inspect a pair of withered bionceros testicles with genuine enthusiasm (15 points)
Best. Achievement. Ever. The first Penny Arcade episode was sadly devoid of silly achievements, which is not what we'd expect from Gabe and Tycho at all. To gain the moniker of Pervert for your Xbox Achievement wall of fame, simply inspect the pair of balls on the wall after defeating the first boss five times.
Saints Row 2
The Soprana: Sung Along to the Radio (10 points)
We don’t think this counts unless you do it in game.
Soul Calibur IV
Start of a New Era: Welcome to the new world of SOUL CALIBUR! (5 points)
Similar to the Press Start achievement in The Simpsons Game, except this one requires a little bit more work. When first loading the game, you must watch the intro video all the way through, and not skip anything until the game tells you to press start.
Where Credits Due: Watch the credits all the way through (20 points)
There are plenty of other examples of this - simple bribery on the part of the developers - but there's no way they can make you actually read through them all rather than leaving them rolling and going and doing something else.
Spongebob Squarepants Underpants Slam
No Pants!: No pants in a multiplayer game! (10 points)
But... but... how did they KNOW?
SpongeBob ThousandPants: Collect 1000 underpants! (20 points)
There are laws against people like you, you know.
Not That Super: Entered a cheat code in a desperate plea for help (0 points)
Well, it is pretty super, considering you can use a cheat and still collect other achievements. Try this one for infinite health in the metropolis Y Right Y Right Up Left Right Y.
The Simpson Game
Press START to play: Easiest Achievement... ever (5 points)
Until another developer decides to give achievement points for simply inserting the disc into the drive.
Pwnd: Dude, need help? You've died, like, 10 times... (0 points)
Yes, yes, we have. But the question is, do we suck or does your game?
The Spiderwick Chronicles
The Knocker Unlocker: Talk to both Knockers (10 points)
Kind of a titillating Achievement for a kids' game, don't you think? Although we can only assume that the knockers in this particularly instance aren't the kind that we're thinking about.
Tony Hawks Project 8
Break 15 bones in one bail: Man that hurts(10 points)
In the factory, when you find the Daily Grind secret spot, you'll automatically break the requisite 15 bones. Congratulations.
Valkyrie's Folly: Die 100 Times (5 points)
If you died a hundred times, would you still really be Too Human? Getting killed in this game is all too easy, so nobody should have any real problems 'achieving' this.
Turning Point: Fall of Liberty
Swirly Time!: Drown a German in a toilet in the Tower of London on any Difficulty (5 points)
What is this obsession with killing people with toilets? There aren’t a lot of toilets in the game, but on the sixth level at the top or bottom of the secret elevator a Nazi will be minding his own business sitting on the toilet. Use B to grapple the man, and up to dunk.
Next Time Take The Stairs: Fall to your death during a multiplayer game (5 points)
Just pick any tall building, cliff, or ledge, and let gravity do the work. SO EMO.
Viva Pinata: Party Animals
Classic Gamer Reward: Enter the classic gamers code while on the START screen. For a hint, go right into your manual... (10 points)
For those of you who don't know, the code they're talking about is - up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A. What makes this even weirder is it's actually correctly known as the Konami code, and this game is developed by, er, Krome.
The Cockroach: Find the Cockroach (5 points)
This is not so hard to do, and in fact nothing to do with the cockroach collectable. At the beginning of the first level, just walk forwards a little bit. That's it! Congratulations on completing your long and arduous mission to find the cockroach!
Wits and Wagers
Body Movin': Dance on every round (10 points)
Just waggle the left stick constantly so that your character 'dances' a bit in each round. Then, if you don't die of boredom before you reach the end of the game, you'll have earned yourself 10 points.
WWE Smackdown vs RAW 2008
On The Job: Lose 5 consecutive online matches (10 points)
Are multiplayer achievements a good thing or the spawn of Satan? Although achievements like these are amusing, and also give genuinely down on their luck players a bit of a boost, there are too many gamers online who play in a certain style simply to grab points like these.
Dec 02, 2008
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