Say Who? Opera-loving aristocrat who survives the carnage in Revenge Of The Sith by siding neither with the Jedi nor with Palpatine.
Claim To Fame: He’s played by George Lucas, whose primary direction to himself is to ‘think blue.’
If He Had His Own Film: Our hero sets up a glorious business that everyone loves. Then, he makes some minor changes, which causes everyone to turn against him. Then, he's forced to sell the business and everyone feels a bit sorry for him. Based on a true story.
Major Bren Derlin
Say Who? Rebel officer in charge of security on its hidden ice base on Hoth in The Empire Strikes Back .
Claim To Fame: Ordering the closure of the base doors when Han and Luke were still outside. Oh, and he’s played by John ‘Pixar’ Ratzenberger.
If He Had His Own Film: A Barfly style character piece, about Derlin's attempts to drink away the memories of letting his pals down.
Say Who? Dancing slave girl who decides she’s had enough of being pawed by Jabba The Hutt in Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: Getting eaten by the Rancor.
If She Had Her Own Film: It would be a rags to fame style tale, about a girl who survives a Rancor attack and becomes a major dance star. Showgirls , in space.
Say Who? Governor of Naboo in the prequels, who stays to look after the planet when Padmé Amidala escapes with the Jedi.
Claim To Fame: Going on hunger strike to protest against occupation by the Trade Federation.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d drop his old-school diplomacy and transform into an elderly Rambo-style vigilante.
Say Who? A patron in the Mos Eisley cantina in A New Hope, whose T-shaped head resembles a particular whacking instrument.
Claim To Fame: Chiefly, the fact that he was amongst the first Star Wars action figures – as part of ‘wave B’ – without utterly a single line.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d be a comedy thug, whose trademark is to head-butt opponents.
Say Who? One of the bounty hunters hired by Darth Vader to locate Han Solo and Princess Leia during their escape in The Empire Strikes Back .
Claim To Fame: Being only visibly humanoid hunter of the group, albeit wearing a dirty rag around his head.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be the first installment of an Marvel Phase 1 style build towards a movie that unites all the bounty hunters.
Which basically sounds amazing.
Say Who? Musician and band leader earning a living wage as the artist-in-residence at Jabba’s Palace.
Claim To Fame: He’s a keyboard-playing blue elephant.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be a musical.
Say Who? Ethereal alien being employed as Project Co-ordinator in creating the Republic Clone Army in Attack Of The Clones .
Claim To Fame: An incredibly long neck.
If She Had Her Own Film: A female-led spy film. She'd be extremely useful on recon missions.
Say Who? Supervisor droid at Jabba’s Palace, responsible for assigning jobs to, amongst others, C-3PO and R2-D2.
Claim To Fame: A noticeable streak of sadism.
It He Had His Own Film: He’d get bored of torturing droids and start on the humanoids, raising the movies’ certificate to 18. Eli Roth directs.
Say Who? Rebel captain in the service of Bail Organa who is caught carrying Princess Leia on her mission to destroy the Death Star at the beginning of A New Hope .
Claim To Fame: Being Darth Vader’s first victim – at least, in the order the films were made.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be a Cassavetes style piece, focusing on Antilles' troubled family life, leading up to the events of the first film.
It'll be so grey and serious it'll make all the prequels look like balloons in a disco.
Say Who? Ewok bossman in Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: Leading quite possibly the most significant - and easily the most unlikely - military victory in space history.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be the Star Wars equivilent to Killer Klowns From Outer Space .
We've actually already scripted this one, so if anyone at Disney's reading this, by all means get in touch.
Say Who? Big, booming, Brian Blessed-voiced ruler of the Gungans in The Phantom Menace .
Claim To Fame: Being, despite the jovial bluster, something of a human-hating racist.
If He Had His Own Film: It would basically be 90 minutes of Nass torturing and murdering Jar Jar. It would be the most successful film that will ever be made.
Say Who? Another of that big bunch of bounty hunters in The Empire Strikes Back , hoping for a lucrative pay-day for catching Han Solo.
Claim To Fame: Looking like a salamander in a spacesuit. Also, having one of the biggest guns of any Star Wars toy.
If He Had His Own Film: He would be a part of the Star Wars Phase 1 build up to a bounty hunter movie.
He could also redress the severe shortage of lizard-men in the Star Wars films.
Say Who? Padmé Amidala’s personal pilot, who also teaches the future Darth Vader how to fly a starship in The Phantom Menace .
Claim To Fame: Being known by hardcore fans as ‘Captain Obvious’ for telling other characters stuff they already know.
If He Had His Own Film: A gritty crime film, in which we discover Olie's been selling drugs as a sideline business, getting Chewbacca hooked on Camberwell Carrots.
Say Who? Better known by his job description, he’s the Rancor Keeper at Jabba’s Palace in Return of the Jedi .
Claim To Fame: The only crying, topless fat man in any Star Wars film.
If He Had His Own Film: Driven by vengeance, he’d go after Luke.
Say Who? Rebel tactician who devises the plan to infiltrate Endor in Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: According to the Expanded Universe, Madine was originally an Imperial officer who defected. No wonder he knows so much.
If He Had His Own Film: An Ocean's 11 style franchise, in which Madine gets up to all sorts of convulted scrapes.
Say Who? Jedi Master and lightsaber legend who became a General during the Clone Wars.
Claim To Fame: His egghead looks were matched by his logical mindset... although that didn't stop him being massacred alongside all of the other Jedi.
If He Had His Own Film: Buddy movie in which Mundi escapes to become Yoda's pal on Dagobah.
Say Who? Jabba The Hutt’s majordomo in Return Of The Jedi . Even in space, they have butlers, basically.
Claim To Fame: Becoming the first character to feel the Force from fully-trained Jedi Luke Skywalker.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d work for the Rebels, organising Han Solo’s social diary and making an amazing cup of tea.
Say Who? Camel-shaped speed freak in The Phantom Menace renowned for a) his driving skills and b) being a dirty cheat.
Claim To Fame: Chronologically, he's the first character in Star Wars to take a pasting from Anakin Skywalker.
If He Had His Own Film: It would essentially be Fast Five , in space.
Say Who? Spy in A New Hope who gives away the droids’ presence to Stormtroopers.
Claim To Fame: The worst disguise of any spy in space. Yes, he might wear a hood and goggles, but his elephant-style snout is a dead giveaway.
If He Had His Own Film: Slapstick comedy, in which Garindan tries and just fails to stop the Rebels over and over again.
Say Who? Proprietor of Dex's Diner on Coruscant who sees all...and tells all to Obi-Wan Kenobi in Attack Of The Clones .
Claim To Fame: Apart from being a snitch? The fact he has four arms. Handy for flipping burgers.
If He Had His Own Film: A romantic comedy in which he falls in love with one of his robot waitresses.
Say Who? Spineless chancellor of the Galactic Republic – at least until Padmé Amidala initiates a vote of no confidence in his government.
Claim To Fame: Being the guy who made Palpatine look good en route to taking over the galaxy.
If He Had His Own Film: The prequels would turn into The Thick Of It in space.
Say Who? Rebel bigwig who briefs Han and Leia on the plans for the attack on the second Death Star.
Claim To Fame: Remembering to acknowledge the many Bothan spies who died bring the Rebels this information.
If She Had Her Own Film: She could be the ‘mum’ aboard the Falcon, giving Luke a hug when things get tough and putting sticking plasters on Han’s cuts and bruises.
Say Who? An assassin droid-turned-bounty hunter. Yep, he’s one of the mercenaries hired by Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back .
Claim To Fame: He’s the stick-thin robot with a head modelled on a Rolls-Royce jet engine burner.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d be reprogrammed by the Rebels and turned into their deadliest weapon.
Say Who? Lando Calrissian’s mouse-faced co-pilot on the Millennium Falcon in Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: The urban legend that the character’s dialect is composed of real-life Kenyan swearwords.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be face/off against Chewie for the full-time gig aboard the Falcon.
Say Who? Toydarian slave owner and dodgy anti-Semitic stereotype operating a lucrative business on Tatooine in the prequels.
Claim To Fame: Betting against a Jedi in a pod race. Never do that, even if you think you've rigged the contest.
If He Had His Own Film: Imagine the fun he could have buying and selling clones.
Say Who? Surgical droid on the Rebel staff who became Luke’s medic on two separate occasions in The Empire Strikes Back .
Claim To Fame: Attaching Luke’s prosthetic hand, ensuring that Mark Hamill didn’t have to wear long-sleeved costumes in Return of the Jedi .
If He Had His Own Film: He’d become famous for his catchphrase, “I’m a doctor, not a protocol droid!”
Say Who? Lando Calrissian’s chief aide in (on?) Cloud City, as seen in The Empire Strikes Back .
Claim To Fame: His distinctive look - bald-headed and wearing a massive Bluetooth set so he can communicate with the city’s computers.
If He Had His Own Film: He could tune himself into Imperial FM and hijack the airwaves as a revolutionary DJ.
Say Who? Port Administrator of Utaupau forced to open his city to General Grievous’ troops in Revenge Of The Sith .
Claim To Fame: Actually being a good guy despite the nightmarish appearance.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be the Star Wars equivilent of Despicable Me .
Say Who? Aggressive Mos Eisley cantina patron with an arse-shaped mouth who doesn’t like Luke Skywalker, and feels the shiny end of Ben Kenobi’s lightsaber as a result.
Claim To Fame: The first of many characters in a Star Wars film to have a limb lopped off, without incurring the wrath of the censors.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d have three big scenes before turning into Monty Python ’s Black Knight.
Say Who? Rotund Rebel pilot, aka Red Six, who fought in the Battle of Yavin to destroy the Death Star.
Claim To Fame: Being Star Wars ’ most recognisable equivalent of a Star Trek red-shirt. Cannon fodder, in other words.
If He Had His Own Film: It would simply be called 'Porkins.' It would be a comedy.
Say Who? Clone soldier, assignation CC-2244, who is a loyal friend to Obi-Wan Kenobi until receiving the implanted Order 66 from Palpatine in Revenge Of The Sith .
Claim To Fame: Being literally one in a million – sure, he looks like every other clone, but he has a personality.
If He Had His Own Film: It would follow his evolution to Death Star stormtrooper.
Say Who? The droid initially picked by Uncle Owen from the Jawa line-up in A New Hope .
Claim To Fame: Being surreptitiously sabotaged by R2-D2. A “bad motivator” is to blame, but we like to think it’s bad motivat ion from a nervous droid actor.
If He Had His Own Film: A Kill Bill style rampage of revenge.
Say Who? Hapless Imperial officer who botches the attack on Hoth, allowing the Rebels to escape.
Claim To Fame: Being played by Michael Sheard – Grange Hill ’s Mr Bronson.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d be put in charge of a bunch of Imperial cadets, whom would constantly take the piss and cause him trouble.
Say Who? Darth Vader's mum. Not bad for a humble slave.
Claim To Fame: Being impregnated by midchlorians to ensure a virgin birth. At least, that's her story.
If She Had Her Own Film: She'd have survived being attacked by Tuskan Raiders, and given Anakin a right earful about turning to the Dark Side.
Say Who? He’s only Luke Skywalker’s best friend, innit.
Claim To Fame: Having most of his scenes cut prior to the original 1977 release of A New Hope .
If He Had His Own Film: He’d decide whose footage ended up on the cutting room floor.
Say Who? The cackling prawn-monkey who sits at Jabba’s side in Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: The only Star Wars character whose entire purpose is to laugh sadistically whenever anything goes wrong for the heroes.
If He Had His Own Film: The whole saga would shift from action-adventure to pitch-black comedy. Gremlins , with aliens. That is, if the Gremlins weren't aliens.
Say Who? Luke Skywalker’s uncle, whose death at the hands of Imperial troops frees the path for his nephew to see the stars.
Claim To Fame: Hiding Luke from his bad dad for decades – and yet never once thinking to change his surname.
If He Had His Own Film: He’s a grouchy bastard, so he’d probably kick Imperial arse had he not been taken by surprise.
Say Who? Bounty hunter and hard-working family man who gets an unusual commission from Senator Palpatine in Attack Of The Clones .
Claim To Fame: Being the blueprint for the entire Clone Army. Oh, and being Boba's Dad.
If He Had His Own Film: A space-western in which Fett rescues his wife from Jabba's palace. Sample nonsensical dialogue: "The D is silent and, indeed, non-existent."
Say Who? Officer aboard the Death Star in A New Hope who has the temerity to give a bit of lip to Darth Vader.
Claim To Fame: Getting Force-choked, and therefore providing school kids with decades of brilliant playground roleplay.
If He Had His Own Film: A sarcastic bad guy? He’d make a great foil for Han Solo.
Say Who? The hapless sentry duped by Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Jedi mind trick in A New Hope into thinking that “these aren’t the droids we’re looking for.”
Claim To Fame: Letting the plans for the Death Star slip through his fingers.
If He Had His Own Film: Luke wouldn’t need to go to Dagobah for Jedi training. He’d just practice on this guy.
Say Who? Bounty hunter who tracks Han Solo down to Mos Eisley cantina in A New Hope , and completely fails to search him for a gun.
Claim To Fame: Shooting first. Or not.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d continually be getting shot, miraculously surviving, and catching up with Han.
Say Who? Rebel pilot who rose through the ranks to become Red Leader by the time of Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: Surviving all of the original trilogy’s major battles – Death Star, Hoth, Death Star redux.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d at least get a medal.
Wicket W. Warrick
Say Who? Impetuous Ewok who inadvertently causes a furry revolt in Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: Having a middle name. The W. Stands for Wystri.
If He Had His Own Film: He’d probably get very annoying, very quickly.
Say Who? Imperial officer promoted to commanding the star destroyer fleet after his superior, Ozzel, got Force-choked in The Empire Strikes Back .
Claim To Fame: Being the only named Imperial soldier in the original trilogy to survive his debut appearance to return in the following film.
If He Had His Own Film: An All The President's Men style piece, in which we discover all of Piett's enemies end up being force-choked. It's a conspiracy!
Grand Moff Tarkin
Say Who? Officially in charge of the Death Star in A New Hope , and therefore responsible for destroying Alderaan.
Claim To Fame: Billed as a major star – he’s played by Peter bloody Cushing – and yet pushed into the sidelines by the bloke in the black mask.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be a horror film. And it would be amazing.
Star Destroyer Officer
Say Who? Anonymous officer who inadvertently sows the seeds for the Imperial Alliance’s downfall by letting C-3PO and R2-D2 escape to Tatooine.
Claim To Fame: Conserving firepower. As Family Guy memorably put it, “What, are we paying by the laser now?”
If He Had His Own Film: It’d turn out he did loads of other things to turn the tide of battle.
Say Who? Kick-ass Sith Lord ordered by Palpatine to (for want of a better phrase) fuck the Jedis up in The Phantom Menace .
Claim To Fame: What’s cooler than one lightsaber? A double-ended lightsaber.
If He Had His Own Film: It would be a modern-day Shaw Brothers movie, with short dialogue scenes linking a series of incredible fights.
Say Who? Rebel leader in charge of co-ordinating the attack on the second Death Star in Return Of The Jedi .
Claim To Fame: The sudden realisation that “it’s a trap!”
If He Had His Own Film: Everything would be a trap, in order that he got optimum use out of his catchphrase.
Say Who? The bounty hunter who successfully tracked Han to Bespin, froze him in carbonite and sold him to Jabba the Hutt.
Claim To Fame: Becoming a major cult figure in Star Wars fandom despite having only a handful of lines.
If He Had His Own Film: It would basically be the Iron Man 3 of the Star Wars universe. Cool, dark, and with quite a lot of flying around.